Session Time

Interesting thread here by Lady Vi on how she feels session time should be measured. In her view negotiation and aftercare is very much part of the scheduled session time, not something that happens outside it. She therefore always allows at least 15 minutes before the session ends for that aftercare and clean-up process.

Obviously every pro-domme runs her sessions how she sees fit. Totally not my place to suggest differently. However, I will make a few observations from my experience on the client side.

Firstly, while that approach is the most common one, it’s not entirely universal. I’ve sessioned with experienced dommes who used most of the booked time for play and let aftercare spill beyond that. They presumably built that fact into their schedules and their pricing structure.

Secondly, because there’s not a single approach, it can be confusing when playing with different dommes. My first domme used to play for almost all of the scheduled time, so I assumed that was the standard. I was confused and a little put out when I played with others and found that it wasn’t common. Of course I adjusted my expectations in time, but what a domme might have assumed was entitlement on my part was really just differing experiences.

Finally, there is the risk of feeling shortchanged if the aftercare period wraps up quicker than expected. Miss Grey makes this point in a tweeted reply. I’ve walked out of some sessions feeling buzzed, looked at my watch and realized there was theoretically 10+ minutes of session time left. That’s a quick way to lose the buzz.

Personally, I like the approach Miss Grey adopts. I’d rather pay a higher hourly rate and allow some flexibility on the time for aftercare. To draw a slightly odd analogy, I think of it a bit like the bonus dishes that a fine dining restaurant may send out. Logically, you know you’re still paying for them as part of the overall charge, but it creates a happy positive energy when you get them.

This shot of Miss Grey and friend is from her website. She’s an SF based pro-domme and disciplinarian.

Summoning the Maid

I spotted a tweet the other day that said chastity keys were unsightly when worn around the neck of a domme. Ideally they should be tossed into the back of an old kitchen drawer with all the other old keys and knick knacks you never use.

This lady doesn’t subscribe to that philosophy, given the obvious key she’s sporting here. Between that and her summoning bell, she’s clearly the household stuff under control.

I’m afraid I don’t have an attribution for this. If you help out with who this is or where it’s from, please let me know via a comment.

Letsby Avenue

My Twitter feed has been full of this image today – a police station converted into apartments, where they left a holding cell as a ‘decorative’ feature. The Daily Mail featured it a few days ago.

The cell itself would be fun to have. I’m sure we can all think of a lot of uses for it. However, there are a couple of major drawbacks. Firstly, the horrible grey floor they’ve chosen. A nice brown parquet would have been much more fitting. Secondly, it’s in Dudley in the West Midlands. No offense to any readers from Dudley but – despite its long and rich history – that’s not a particularly desirable location. And I say that as someone who grew up not a million miles from there.

If you’re  into cages, it’s probably better to stick to the portable kind. Something like the one Juniper Dolor is playing with below.

Image sourced via this tweet.

Sociopaths

Interesting article here from the Guardian on Patric Gagne, a sociopath who has written a book on her condition and her life.

I think if you asked the general public what professions lend themselves to sociopaths then, alongside the obvious things like CEO and politician, there’d be a good chance of pro-domme coming up. After all, tying people up and hurting them does align with the cliched media portrayal of sociopaths as sadistic serial killers. Both tend to have secret dungeons and cages to lock people in.

However, if you read the article, I think it’s pretty clear a sociopath would be a terrible fit for a pro-domme. They’re typically impulsive, risk taking, lie easily and have very low empathy. Where a successful pro-domme needs to plan ahead, be risk aware and have a very high degree of empathy. A lot of what makes a great session with a domme goes on inside the submissive’s head. If the domme doesn’t understand that inner life then they’ll have great difficulty creating the desired experience. It’s easy to hurt someone, but hard to do it exactly the right way, both physically and mentally.

Of course, while you might not what to find yourself in a dungeon with a sociopath, the fictional versions can still be fun. This is Jodie Comer, who plays Villanelle in Killing Eve.

Taking him for a walk

The art below (originally sourced via madam is all) is by the artist mrkotten.  You can find the original deviant art post here.

It’s a fun fantasy to be walked like a pet, but I always feel very clumsy in this position. It works for humiliation, but going for a walk at any sensible speed isn’t all that practical. That’s a shame, as I think a lot of submissives would love bounding alongside their owner at knee level.

More Cut Aways

If you liked the cut away Femdom house I featured last month then I’ve good news! The artist – KouYou – has done a whole series of them. You can find them on Twitter – #1, #2, #3, #4 and #5. I think they’re fabulous. Inventive, funny and yet still kind of hot.

In this one (the 5th one in the series) I particularly like the femdom fighting game that’s being played in the top right room. Plus, bonus cats hanging out with them.

Choking

The NY Times has an opinion piece (free link) on the widespread trend of choking in otherwise non-kinky sexual relationships. As you might expect, it’s not a healthy trend, with both short and long term risks. It highlights that a lot of experienced BDSM players think choking is too dangerous, so it’s weird to find it spreading among the vanilla folk.

One part that initially caught my eye was this:

Sexual strangulation, nearly always of women in heterosexual pornography, has long been a staple on free sites…

My initial reaction was annoyance at the usual femdom erasure. We F/m types can do stupid dangerous stuff as well! But on second thoughts, it actually isn’t common in Femdom material at all. You see breathplay pretty often, often smothering with bums on faces, but rarely dommes putting hands around necks. Yay for sensible kinky folk!

I’m not entirely sure where this is from, but I’d guess it’s a mainstream fashion shoot rather than kinky porn.

Anne Hathaway

Ms. Hathaway was the cover story for a recent edition of Vanity Fair. There was even a kinky slant, with some very fetishistic outfits. While I’m a fan of her work and have featured her in past posts, but I’m not entirely sure about this photoshoot. I know I risk Servitor never speaking to me again,  but it does seem to waste her talents with odd shots like this one. How do you combine someone as iconic as Anne Hathaway with latex fashion and not produce an amazing photoshoot?

In better news, she’s also the face of new Versace Icons campaign. I think this shot and the other’s from that campaign are a lot more complementary and capture the fashion fetish aesthetic better.

This one time at Orchestra Practice

Writing the previous post on a minor wardrobe malfunction reminded me of a far more traumatic event many years back.

I was a teenager and attending school orchestra practice for my first and – with hindsight – only time. My given instrument was the cello, which I played really, really badly. However, the music teacher must have been particularly desperate for warm bodies and had invited me to join. I was surprised and intimidated to discover that the majority of the orchestra members were girls, mostly from the year or two above mine. This was not a crowd I was used to hanging with.

As I lurked around the edge of the music room I began to wonder if this could be an exciting new world for me. I was shy and terribly nervous about approaching girls. Was orchestra was the way in? Maybe if I actually started practicing, rather than trying to jam a week’s worth of work into the hour before each lesson, I could make a place for myself here. Could the hated cello turn out to be my path to romantic bliss?

As I contemplated these new possibilities a tall older girl detached herself from her group of friends and walked over to me.

“Tell me,” she said, loud enough for all to hear. “Do you often walk around with your trousers undone?”

Glancing down I realized that my zip had chosen the perfect moment to fail. My trousers were agape and my briefs on display to the school’s brass and string sections. Romantic bliss suddenly looked very unlikely. I fled to the washroom to effect some repairs and somehow made it through the practice. A few days later I had stroke of luck – I broke my arm. That wasn’t exactly pleasant, but it got me out of playing the cello, the orchestra and my scene of shame. Every cloud has a silver lining.

That all  happened 30+ years ago and I still die inside when I think about it now. It sadly never transmuted itself into a kink. At least not for humiliation. If anyone wants to pull on a school uniform and beat me up, well that might be a different story.

Image is from Team Rinryu, the folks behind the Yapoo Market series.

Never A Kink Around When You Need One

I’m surprised I’ve never developed a humiliation kink. God knows, I’ve given myself enough opportunities.

My latest non-consensual attempt happened in my building’s elevator. I was heading out to get coffee, wrapped up warm against the chill of Seattle in April. A rather attractive younger woman got on, smiled at me and said hello. She kept glancing across at me, asking how my day was going and made some cheerful small talk about the weather. I wasn’t delusional enough to think she was flirting, but it’s always nice to have a positive interaction with neighbors. I walked up to my coffee shop in a cheerful mood. It wasn’t until I’d arrived and taken off my  black woolen hat that I realized that I’d put it on inside out. The white care label was sticking straight up on the top, like a giant surrender flag of lost dignity. No wonder she kept looking back at me. It’s not often you see a 50 year old man who still hasn’t figured out how to dress himself properly.

Here’s once answer to the problem of errant clothing – an official uniform and a domme who inspects every aspect of it extremely closely. That’d certainly help focus the mind of a morning. The drawing is – of course – by the brilliant Sardax.