Tag: Photograph

Happiness and avoiding the ER

I’m very happy as I got to play with Lydia tonight. After my recent posts on medical issues and kink, I did have a fleeting thought that the Gods of coincidence and comedy might choose to screw with me, and target me for an emergency room trip. Fortunately Lydia is far too talented and careful for that to happen, so I got to enjoy some sensory deprivation and heavy bondage with no ill effects.

I’ve joked with dommes in the past that if I do wind up in ER, I’m going to be the one moaning quietly to myself on a hospital trolley, while they’ll be out front explaining exactly what perverse sexual practices landed us there. However, I also have a mental picture of it playing out like the overdose scene in trainspotting. I’d get poured into a cab with a twenty in my top pocket, and end up unconscious in front of the local ER. That would be a terrible way to end a session, but great fodder for an X-rated Bob Newhart* style comedy sketch. I picture a calm but slight puzzled doctor phoning my next-of-kin to try and figure out how he should diagnose a naked and collared man with an electrified buttplug at one end and a dreamy smile at the other.

Lots of nurses taking care of an unruly male patientI’m not sure what’s wrong with the gentleman in this picture, but at least he has no shortage of helpful nurses to try and diagnose the issue. Unfortunately I don’t have a source for the image

* If you’re unaware of Bob Newhart’s comedy then I’d suggest checking out his sketch Defusing a Bomb. That should give you a good idea of what you’ve been missing.

Tell me where it hurts

Kink and fantasy medial scenes are a pretty natural pairing. Kink and actual medical professionals can be a bit more problematic. The Daily Beast has a good article on that topic entitled ‘Coming out kinky to your Doctor, in Black and Blue‘. It covers some of the risks and dilemmas involved in sharing exactly where that bruise or rope burn came from.

Personally if there was ever an issue I needed to discuss, or I was directly questioned about it, I’d be open with my doctor. After all if I’m willing to share my kinks with a professional dominatrix, why not a medical professional? I also assume that doctors see unusual stuff all the time, and whatever I’ve done is going to be old news to them. I once spent an instructive few hours browsing a forum for medical interns. They were sharing crazy stories from the emergency room, and it was pretty clear that whatever kinky shenanigans I got up to, it was never going to top what the average trainee doctor sees on a regular basis.

Of course I’m lucky. I have good healthcare, live in a liberal city and have a wide choice of doctors. If my choices were more limited I’d perhaps feel differently.

Nurse Eleise De Lacy

The image is of the wonderful Eleise De Lacy of Femme Fatale Films.

Lacking all reason

My previous post featured what I thought was a good article on the positive side of mixing discussion, consent and sex. Today’s post brings you the flipside – a really stupid post on sex and consent. Other bloggers may aim to bring you only good things; I like to go with more of a harmonious yin and yang approach.

The article is (ironically) from Reason magazine and is entitled ‘California’s Sexual Consent Law Will Ruin Good Sex for Women‘. It was prompted by the recent ‘Yes means Yes‘ law passed in California, which aims to shift the emphasis in colleges from an assumption of consent to a need to actively gain consent. There’s an interesting discussion to be had about that law, but the Reason article by Shikha Dalmia certainly isn’t it. The bit that really irked me was this…

…there is usually a difference in tempo between men and women, with women generally requiring more “convincing.” And someone who requires convincing is not yet in a position to offer “affirmative” much less “enthusiastic” consent. That doesn’t mean that the final experience is unsatisfying — but it does mean that initially one has to be coaxed out of one’s comfort zone. Affirmative consent would criminalize that.
The reality is that much of sex is not consensual — but it is also not non-consensual. It resides in a gray area in between, where sexual experimentation and discovery happen.

I’m going to resist the temptation to draw conclusions about Shikha Dalmia’s sex life based on this. I can say it’s pretty piss poor logic with no apparent understanding of what consent means.

One of the great things that exploring kink has done for me is helped me to discuss and negotiate sexual activity. If you grow up watching sex in movies (both mainstream and porn) you get the impression that great sex just happens automatically. One minute the cynical private eye is trading witty barbs and smouldering looks with his femme fatale client, the next minute, just after she’s tried to slap him, they’re having amazing sex without so much as a yes, no or maybe. In reality experimentation, and the discussion that must go along with it, makes everything better. I’ve never yet had a mutual fantasy ruined by talking about it. I’ve had plenty of experiences where misunderstanding and a lack of communication definitely made things worse.

Gagged and Bound

Hopefully the gentleman in this image got all his discussion out of the way up front, as his current options look decidedly limited. The image is of course from Divine Bitches.

Enthusiastic consent

Gawker has published one of the better articles I’ve seen recently in the mainstream press on sex and kink. Entitled ‘Vanilla Sex: A Perfectly Fine Way to Fuck‘ its message was to avoid trying to categorize sex and instead concentrate on discussion. What matters is what you and your partner(s) want, not some arbitrary definition of normality. It finishes with fine advice applicable to almost any sexual situation…

And that, I think, is what’s missing from vanilla sex. Rather than trying to “spice up” your love life with imported sexual practices that don’t fit your tastes, why not borrow kink culture’s emphasis on dialogue and enthusiastic consent? The hottest move your sex life can steal from kink isn’t handcuffs, it’s discussion
From a Gawker article by Monica Heisey

It’s tricky to pick an image to represent the concept of enthusiastic consent, so here’s a couple who at least look happy and enthusiastic about what they’re doing. Plus, if you’re going to do breathplay like this, consent is pretty important.

Breathplay

This is from the Hom Smother site. I found it on the Felm Cyber tumblr.

Pulling him close

Here’s another happy man wrapped in some rope. Admittedly I can’t actually see his expression, so unlike yesterday’s shot, I can’t definitely say he’s happy. But I’m willing to wager that he’s feeling pretty good about his situation.

The image is oddly entitled ‘Brutal‘ (free deviant art login needed). Not quite sure about the title, but I do like the image. It’s by Pavel Ryzhenkov, known on Deviant Art as West-Kis, a photographer based in Belarus. I found it on the Femdom Delights tumblr.

Brutal by West-Kis

Big smile

Tonight somebody mummified me in plastic wrap, stuck needles in my nipples and electrocuted my cock. I couldn’t be happier. All is right in my particular bit of the world. I’m now sitting on my couch, sore in all sorts of unusual places and drinking a glass of wine.

We didn’t capture any photographs of the session, so instead I’ll finish with a photograph of a chap who looks almost as happy as I am.

Rope bondage and a smile

This is from Marshall Bradford Photography (main site here). I found it via the Happy BDSM tumblr.

Bed, breakfast and bondage

It’s certainly true that fancy equipment is not necessary for kinky fun. Simple toys, pervertibles or even just teeth and nails can be all that’s needed for a wonderful experience. However, while fancy equipment isn’t necessary, it can be fun to play with when the opportunity presents itself. One of the things I enjoy about playing with pro-dommes is the variety of equipment they typically have. Whether it’s a fancy bondage chair, an electroshock device or a just a nice array of paddles, I always appreciate the chance to try new things.

Any couples based around London and wanting to expand their kinky equipment options might want to check out Better than a bed. It offers fetish bed and breakfast in central London, with a wide array of furniture and toys to play with. I can’t offer any personal recommendation – I only know what I see from their website – but it does look like an interesting option for a kinky weekend away. If anyone knows of any similar fetish lodging options in other parts of the world then leave me a comment, and I’ll add pointers on my useful links page.

Chains and leashesThis image shows some of the chains, collars, clamps and leashes at Better than a bed.

Fingering his hole

Having featured anal play in the last few posts, I thought I’d move a little higher up the body, but keep the penetration theme going. There’s a lot of intense concentration being shown by both people in this shot from Divine Bitches.

The psychology of putting your fingers into someone’s mouth is fascinating to me. I think it’s a lot more complex than other types of penetration in that respect. Anal play is essentially passive – you lie there and quite literally take it in the ass.  A mouth has articulation, a tongue and teeth. It can bite back. It’s the way we communicate and taste and kiss. It’s where we instinctively put a finger when we damage it, and where babies put their thumb to comfort themselves. To penetrate someone this way shows a degree of mental as well as physical control over them.

Fingering his hole

God Save the Queen

This image is likely to raise a smile with anyone who has been a tourist in London. For those that don’t recognize it, the setting is outside Buckingham Palace, the official residence of the Queen of England. Clearly there’s more than one Queen in the area deserving of hommage. I love the fact there’s all different people posing for the standard tourist shots, while she proudly poses for her alternative version.

Posed outside Buckingham PalaceI found this on the Dominalova tumblr. Based on the associated comment, I believe this is Mistress Evilyne – a London based pro-domme.