Tag: Humor

Glitoris

It’s not often you get to see a giant golden clitoris on the stage at the Sydney Opera House, but this blog can deliver the goods. I guess technically it was Amanda Palmer and Alli Sebastian Wolf who delivered the goods, the Guardian newspaper by proxy, and this blog by proxy of proxy. But whatever. All those who don’t read the Guardian or live in Sydney, you’re welcome.

The associated article has a number of interesting facts. The one that really caught my eye was that the clitoris ‘is the only part of the human body that never ages’. That seems suspect. I assume most ladies do no have a Tardis down their pants, so it’s not actually time travelling. Most clitori are probably the same age as their owners. I guess they mean it doesn’t decay with age. Although that seems suspect as well – how do you define decay? I can think of a fair number of body parts that keep working till you die. The clitoris does apparently grow over time, so if we’re looking for things that get bigger but keep working, my stomach would be another good candidate.

Anyway, quibbles aside, I love the idea of a giant glittering clitoris appearing on stage. More events should have that. You couldn’t have paid me to watch the inauguration on Friday, but if there’d been a giant glittery clitoris appearing behind the pussy grabbing pres, I might just have tuned in.

I’m afraid I’ve no source for this tongue on clitoris action.

Divine space

According to this article, the Chinese city of Shenyang has created special parking spots just for women. That’s not an entirely new idea. Some cities have dedicated spots for women with young children, or marked spots in well lit and camera covered areas for increased safety. Sadly the Shenyang spots aren’t for those practical reasons. These spots are simply longer and wider (and pinker) to make it easier for women to park in them. Apparently they (allegedly) need help with their parking.

At first glance this seems incredibly sexist and patronizing. But what caught my eye was the labeling of them – Goddess Parking spots. So maybe there’s another explanation. Maybe the city transport division is staffed by femdom fans. They’re not being sexist, they’re just showing respect. If the next rule is that male parking violators have to be whipped by female traffic police, or that the city transport division staff have to clean the parked Goddesses cars in the nude, then we’ll know it’s a femdom fan thing. If not, then I guess we’re back to ‘sexist and patronizing’ as the explanation.

Femdom Car CleaningSadly the Young Dommes site this image is from has ceased to exist.

Underneath the Mistletoe

Overwatch is a big thing in gaming these days. It’s not really my big thing, as I’m not into shooters, but a recent Christmas promotion event did catch my eye thanks to one of the characters unconventional approach to kissing under the mistletoe. I’m not going to burn all my bandwidth hosting the the associated animated gif, but you can check it out in this article. Less kissing, more punching and sneering.

What I found particularly amusing was all the responses the article listed after the gif. A lot of fans (both men and women) seemed very happy about the idea of being beaten up by Widowmaker underneath the mistletoe. I already knew Overwatch had kinky players (see this previous post), but apparently there’s a lot more out there than I thought. Even if they don’t always seem to know it themselves.

Overwatch CosplayThis image is a cosplay of Overwatch by Jannet (playing Widowmaker on left), with Lana from Ardsami Cosplay (playing Tracer on right). You can see Jannet’s facebook page here.

Kitchen Slave

It has been the Thanksgiving holiday here in the US. That traditionally means a lot of food and a lot of time spent slaving in the kitchen. I hope all my US readers enjoyed their meals and that any slaving done was of the most enjoyable kind.

husband-as-kitchen-slaveThe caption for this reads “The pastimes of …men!” I’m afraid I don’t know the artist. I originally found it via the Femdom Artist site.

So right, and yet so so wrong

I’ve been trying to avoid writing lots of posts on politics and the election. I have featured the occasional one or two, but I figure that people see enough elsewhere without it showing up here.

However, these comments today by Rush Limbaugh are too perfect and too applicable to this blog to ignore. In talking about Trump’s groping scandals and penchant for sexual assault, he said the following.

RUSH LIMBAUGH: You know what the magic word, the only thing that matters in American sexual mores today is? One thing. You can do anything, the left will promote and understand and tolerate anything, as long as there is one element. Do you know what it is? Consent. If there is consent on both or all three or all four, however many are involved in the sex act, it’s perfectly fine. Whatever it is. But if the left ever senses and smells that there’s no consent in part of the equation then here come the rape police. But consent is the magic key to the left.

This is so simultaneously correct and incorrect it seems to defy fundamental laws of physics. It’s a bit like the double slit experiment. Much as a photon can be both a wave and a particle, Rush can simultaneously highlight the importance of consent in sexual interaction while arguing against it. Although given a photon has zero resting mass, that’s an analogy that doesn’t stretch much further.

Presumably in his mind it’s better for a man to rape a woman in a good, healthy, as God intended, missionary position kind of way than for two (or three) dudes (or ladies) to fool around together consensually. I’ve no idea what kind of life experiences it takes to lead you to that kind of opinion, but I would be fascinated to know. It can’t be anything remotely normal or healthy. Somebody should also tell him that the ‘rape police’ are actually just the ‘police’.

I’ll leave you with an image I’m sure Rush would not approve of. Admittedly it does contain the morally approved count of 2 people of differing genders, but that doesn’t look like a conventional sex act. God created woman as a helper, not to ride man around like a beast. No matter how much fun it looks.

rideBased on this Italian Marie Claire article, I believe this image is from the site c.a.p. 74024.

Oh, and that double meaning in the post title? Totally intended.

Management training

This image made me laugh. It’s so bizzare, and yet it kind of works. The blond ladies gesturing and the stare of the group – either down at him or up at her – seems to fit so well. I imagined it at as this weirdest management training course ever. They’re about to break into different groups and use the flip charts to brainstorm the pros and cons of having a toilet slave in an open plan office culture.

Of course it’s a Photoshop fake. You can see the original here, which is from the Red Hook Community Justice center. They help out NYC communities and court system, and definitely do not pee into the mouths of naked slaves. I congratulate them on their community spirit and I congratulate the original photoshopper for creating one of the most unusual yet successful photo modifications that I’ve seen.

ManagementTraining

Material considerations

I was chatting about black leather with a young lady this weekend. She was a fan of it, but I wasn’t entirely convinced. She also wanted to charge me a little more for it, which I suppose is understandable. The issue of spilled fluids might have cropped up, which I was definitely concerned about. Sadly, this was an entirely non-kinky conversation about what to upholster some new dining room chairs in. Kinky shenanigans, even of the professional variety, would probably have been cheaper.  Pro-dommes might charge a few hundred dollars per hour, but that’s nothing compared to what interior designers, architects and contemporary furniture can do to your wallet (cue the worlds smallest violin).

The lady in black leather below is of Candice Swanepoel, photographed by Hans Feurer for Vogue Australia. The sequence it’s taken from is really quite amazing. Astonishing even. They managed to take a stunning supermodel, dress her in very expensive black leather, with clothes created by top designers, and end up with some terrible shots. It takes really talent to do that. The image below is OK, but the rest, particularly examples like this, are awful. I think the shots of her walking her dog dressed in an Iron Maiden t-shirt are more flattering than some of these shots.

IMG_5085

What a dildo

I don’t like to feature politics too heavily here. There’s enough of it in the mainstream press, without it intruding into your sex blogs. However, this article on Ted Cruz was too amusing to resist.

Apparently, in his role as Texas solicitor general he once argued that dildos and vibrators should remain illegal in Texas.

In perhaps the most noticeable line of the brief, Cruz’s office declared, “There is no substantive-due-process right to stimulate one’s genitals for non-medical purposes unrelated to procreation or outside of an interpersonal relationship.” That is, the pursuit of such happiness had no constitutional standing.
David Corn in Mother Jones

I’m not sure about you, but I don’t want to live in a country where I can’t stimulate my genitals for non-medical purposes.

Of course, the same guy who wants to monitor peoples sex toys is also the same person who believes in a small goverment that stays out of people’s lives. It takes a very peculiar kind of mind to hold both these points of view at the same time. And for any Ted Cruz supporters out there who I’ve offended, I can only apologize and ask: What on earth are you doing reading this blog? This is a ticket straight to hell.

There is of course only one way to finish a post like this. Here’s a lady sporting a dildo and stimulating her genitals. I’m not sure about her interpersonal status, but that doesn’t look like a medical or procreation situation to me. She better hope President Cruz never takes office.

Stimulation

Camouflage

I wonder who thought this was a good look to go for? Did they start with the outfit and then go looking for a matching chair, or vice-versa? Or was the outfit and the setting all just a lucky coincidence? Are there people out there with a leopard skin fetish? Or are they aiming for the camouflage fetish market? Does she curl up, concealed on the chair, waiting for her moment to leap out with claws unsheathed? Have many unsuspecting male submissives been surprised and mauled by that most dangerous of predators – the indoor leopard domme?

Miss HybridI’m not sure who this attractive but somewhat oddly attired lady is. I’d guess it’s from a more commercial and conventional porn shot than a femdom one, but that’s only a hunch.

Updated : Thanks to my wise and learned readers (specifically Simon) I can now attribute this to the Miss Hybrid site. I was partially wrong about it being from a conventional porn shot, as Miss Hybrid’s material definitely has a fetish and femdom slant, but there’s more regular sexual activity than the standard femdom clips. Also, for anyone reading this and wondering how I could be such an idiot as to miss the big logo on the image – I changed the image. The original had the logo chopped off, but thanks to the attribution I managed to find the original version with logo intact.