Tag: Bondage

Don’t fight it

I’ve been a fan of Dan Savage ever since moving to Seattle and discovering his column in The Stranger. A recent interview with him in Refinery29 caught my eye for this quote…

Sex always wins. Sex is more powerful than you are. Sex is 500 million years old. It built us and it will build whatever comes after us. People like to pretend that they’re in charge of their desires or their sexuality, and they’re not. You’re in charge of how you act on them, but you can’t dam it up.

One has to be a little careful with this kind of statement. I’m glad he added that part about ‘how you act on them’, because there’s a danger that people can use the idea of sex being in charge as an excuse for all sorts of shitty behavior. However, that said, I do like the underlying message he’s trying to get across here. We may control our actions, but our desires and sexuality flow from deep and complex forces that nobody fully understands. Trying to stop them or ignore them is pointless. Our goal should be to channel them into responsible and healthy actions that enable us to fully explore them.

I’m afraid I don’t know the artist who created this. I believe it’s fan art of a couple of anime characters – Nagisa Hazuki and Gou Matsuoka.

The annoying BD

While I’m talking about the definition of BDSM (as I just was), allow me to air a pet peeve. Most readers probably know that the acronym stands for Bondage & Discipline, Dominance & Submission, Sadism & Masochism. I get the second and third pairing, but that first one always bugs me. Why is bondage explicitly paired with discipline? People tend to hand wave around this issue being saying they’re related activities. For example, Wikipedia says…

  they have conceptual similarities, and that is why they appear jointly.

Frankly, that seems like bullshit to me. I think people just like the symmetry of the phrasing and the clever re-use of the letters, and therefore gloss over the fact the first pair makes no sense being tied together (ahem).

Personally, I’d drop discipline entirely. Bondage is such a common and important shared activity then I think it deserves a special place in the acronym, but discipline can slide under the D/s bit as a particular style of that dynamic. That’d keep the same four letters, but make it a lot more logical.

These beautiful bondage images come from Amaury Grisel. You can see more from the same shot in this post.

Desert Domination

I have several ideas for longer posts I want to write, but an unfortunate lack of time to do the actual writing. So I’m going to cheat again today, and simply feature some lovely content from another domme I’d love to renew my acquaintance with. This is from a recent gallery update from Mistress Iris and I spotted it via her twitter feed.

These kind of scenes might not be what you’d aim for in a typical play session, but I do appreciate the effort to do something both unusual and visual striking. I don’t really want to be whipped and abandoned in the desert, but I do want to play with the kind of domme who’ll use her time and imagination to put together something creative beyond the typical ‘sneering domme in fetish gear’ shots.

You can see more shots from this scene on her gallery pages. While Mistress Iris is undoubtedly beautiful, that car is pretty damn sexy as well. I love old school convertibles.

Relaxed Selfie

It has been a while since I played, and a while I traveled anywhere. I don’t have an immediate plan to fix that, but I’m beginning to feel the urge to put one together. Browsing the twitter feeds of some of my favorite dommes and seeing their session snaps is certainly adding fuel to that fire. For example, the shot is from Domina Yuki’s twitter, and looks like a very fun way to spend an afternoon.

Do no harm

I’ve joked with dommes in the past that if I end up in an emergency room as a result of a scene, they’ll need to come along and explain what the hell was going on. It’s a fair division of responsibilities. I’m good at lying down and moaning in pain. They’re good at taking charge and giving instructions. That’ll be true both whether we’re mid-play scene or mid-medical emergency. Everyone should play to their strengths.

While I’ve fortunately not (yet) ended up in an ER, I don’t think I’d have any hesitation about using one if necessary. I figure anyone working there has probably seen far crazier things than anything I’m likely to turn up with. However, things aren’t always so simple, as this Daily Beast article on the Tokyo BDSM scene describes. It features an interview with a man who acts as an informal doctor to injured kinksters in Japan. Intense and physical activities will always carry the possibility of injury, and that’s heightened when sexual desires are screwing around with people’s risk analysis ability. Unfortunately, many participants in that scene find taking an injury to their regular doctor problematic.

“Some are not sure Japan’s national health insurance will cover their injuries. Things like damaged nipples are not easy to explain.

There are many reasons those who are in the fetish world as a business hesitate to go see a real doctor—shame and fear for their professional reputation,” the Doctor says. “They also worry that the police will treat the case as an assault rather than an accident between two consenting adults. Of course, the issue of losing face is huge too.”

He has therefore filled a niche treating injuries in an unofficial capacity, doing demonstrations and giving talks on safe kinky practices.

From an outsiders perspective, looking at the erotica they produce and the public face of kink in Japan, it’s tempting to think their culture is much more accepting of BDSM. Articles like this one (and past examples like this) show the true picture is considerably more complex.

The article also interviews Leigh Leh Lee who, among other things, works as a dominatrix and rigger. This cute couple is her work as featured on her instagram feed.

The ultimate kinky garage sale

Earlier this year, on the news that Kink.com was closing down its armory space in San Francisco, I pondered on what they’d do with all their fancy furniture. Now it seems we have the answer – sell it on craigslist. Or, more accurately, advertise on craigslist that they’re hosting a viewing and sale on the afternoon of the 15th.

It makes me wish I lived in San Francisco. I’d love to drop by and pick up something. I can only hope some of the furniture and toys finds its way into dungeons I frequent down there. For example, this cock pillory looks like it might be rather fun.

Damiana Chi on Buzzfeed

Buzzfeed generally produces a fair amount of dreck, but this video featuring a day in the life of Damiana Chi is pretty good (Facebook version here). Produced by Tania Safi, its features Damiana Chi, her sister Jezebel Chi and a variety of their submissives and slaves. I particularly liked Max and Roxy, whose blissed out happy sub expressions mirror the way I feel when I play.

The above image of Damiana indulging in some rope bondage isn’t from the video, but from her twitter feed. She’s an LA based pro-domme, and if you’re interested in a session, then her professional site is here.