Category: Uncategorized

Positive vs Negative

It’s probably pretty clear from my recent posts that I kink very much on positive feedback when playing. Negative feedback is a real mood killer for me. That doesn’t mean I’m not open to constructive feedback or advice outside the bubble. I always want to improve and be a better kinky play partner. But mixing negative emotions like anger or disappointment with subspace and the complexity of intense kinky play never goes well for me.

That preference is clearly not true for every male submissive. There’s a lot of guys out there who love being the worthless worm under the boots of their untouchable Goddess. That’s a totally valid dynamic, but it makes me wonder what the ratio between the ‘Good  Boys’ and the ‘Worthless Worms’ is? If you believe the mainstream portrayals of femdom and the dominatrix/client relationship, then clearly almost every client is a worthless worm. Pro-dommes are always portrayed as beating, spitting on and humiliating their clients. Yet my personal observation is that it’s much more like 50/50, or even skewed more towards the positive side.

Obviously I have signification observational bias. I’m more likely to identify with people who share my kinks and play preferences. But despite that, I’m certain the ‘Good Boy’ loving crowd is not a small minority. Maybe kinky checklists should start including a tick box for ‘Good Boy’ vs ‘Worthless Worm’ vs ‘All of the Above’.

This good boy was shot by Gavin Kleinschmidt for Touch Puppet.

Mood Killer

A week or so ago I wrote a couple of posts on happy memories of dialog and sound effects from past sessions. I thought it’d be interesting to follow those up with a verbal interaction that didn’t go so well. This example is from a few years back. It’s rare that I have a bad memory of a session but this particular moment has stuck in my mind, partly because it seems so trivial. Odd for a small thing to make such a big difference to a dynamic.

It was my first session with this particular domme and part of it involved a whipping scene. I’m generally not a fan of doing whipping with someone I don’t know well, as the intensity levels can vary dramatically and it requires a certain amount of trust to relax into the headspace. However, I am a fan of being flexible and open to how a domme wants to compose a session, and so as long as it’s not a hard limit, I tend to go with the flow.

She had me tied facing a wall and the warm up period was relatively short. That already meant we had two strikes working against us. Not being able to see a domme, particularly when I’m playing with someone I don’t know well, always makes a scene harder. The pain becomes disconnected from the dynamic and simply becomes something to tolerate, rather than being channeled through my desire.

It wasn’t the most intense whipping I ever received, but it certainly wasn’t light. By the time we’d finished I was feeling pretty proud of myself for taking it all. At which point the domme said “Hmmm. Not bad I suppose. For a first attempt.”

That comment totally drained the energy out of the scene for me. Maybe it was intended as a combination of compliment and encouragement, but it had the opposite result. I felt like the scene had been set-up for failure, I’d powered through to make it work, and yet couldn’t even get a ‘Good Boy’ out of her. We didn’t play together again.

As I said at the start, it was a trivial thing. I’m sure the domme didn’t think anything of it. Yet for me, with the endorphins churning in the heightened emotions of subspace, it was a mood killer that I remember years later.

This is very much not the domme in question. Both her whip and her smile are a lot bigger than in my scene. I believe this is Mistress Ama K from the Latin Beauties in High Heels site. I’m not aware of a personal site for her.

Bending him over with a smile

A final post in this short sequence of fun pegging shots. This pose looks a bit like those I do when my yoga teacher is trying to stretch my hamstrings. Sadly none of my fully clothed and anal penetration free exercises are quite as much fun as this one appears to be. Hopefully he’ll get his breathing right as she leans forward and pushes into the pose.

Reversal

This image’s reversal to porn norms makes me smile. Typically the man is focused on his partner and the act of penetration, while the woman stares into the camera lens. This is obviously a reversal of that set-up. Although in a normal porn shot, the woman is typically looking lustfully and longingly into the camera. This guy looks like she just slipped the tip in and he’s suddenly realized he might have signed up for a touch more than he was expecting.

I’m afraid I don’t have an attribution for this particular image.

Dripping by Blonde Redhead

While I was browsing the stream of tweets paying tribute to Namio Harukawa I came across one that made reference to a music video inspired by his work. That obviously caught my eye, given how explicit his drawings are and the kinks they target. It’s the kind of subject matter that’d be niche even for porn, let alone a mainstream music video.

The track in question is called ‘Dripping’ by the alternative rock group Blonde Redhead. I was assuming the video would try and capture the lush and sensual feel of his work, while only making subtle allusions to the kinky elements. It turns out I was two thirds right.  The first part is very sensual and rich with the odd kinky motif. The final third is … well …. watch it for yourself.  I just can’t believe it’s been around four years, and this is the very first I’ve heard of it. There’s a bit of background on it here.

Art is obviously by the late great Namio Harukawa.

Namio Harukawa

I was very sad to read – via this tweet from Sardax – that Namio Harukawa has passed away. He was one of the great femdom artists. Up there with the likes of Eric Stanton and Sardax himself as an iconic figure in the genre. His style is unmistakable and he leaves behind a huge and impressive collection of kinky work. Thanks for everything Namio. Rest In Peace.

Update: The Team Rinru site (creator of the infamous yapoo market series)  have put up a post featuring their memories of Namio Harukawa. It’s in Japanese, but for English speakers the online translation tools do an OK job. Apparently his works were an early inspiration for the series and he both enjoyed and shared feedback on the movies they created. Doubtless his works will continue to inspire others for many years to come.

Update 2: Sardax has a tribute on his site as has the blogger homer.

If you’re interesting in seeing more of his work, then an image search will return a lot of his drawings. There’s also a number of galleries available here.

An Aside

I was planning to continue my theme of phrases and vocalizations I’d heard from dommes during kinky play. Unfortunately time has run short and I haven’t put together the post I was originally thinking about. So I’ll save that for tomorrow and instead let me offer a momentary aside, courtesy of Ellen Von Unwerth. She’s always a reliable source for beautifully shot fashionable femdom.

Squelch, Squelch

Writing my previous post on Happy Memories, in particular that last quote taken from a tease and denial session, reminded me of one of the most unusual and entertaining things I ever heard from a domme.

This happened several years ago, in another session with a heavy skew towards tease and denial. The domme in question possessed both great beauty and a very sexy Eastern European accent. She had me wrapped tightly in leather and was whispering about all the things I would like to do with her but never would. I had to imagine what it’d be like to fuck her. How tight, hot and amazing she’d be. And then she added the sound effects – wet, slippy, fappy sex sounds – by using saliva in her mouth with her tongue pressing tightly against her palate and teeth. Squelch. Squelch. Squelch.

I’m sure we’ve all made funny sounds in the same way. You can get an impressive array of odd wet squirty noises. I just never imagined them being used in a BDSM session as a sex sound effect. I have to admit, it was actually kind of hot. Part of wanted to laugh, part of me was impressed at the creative, but most of me was in the animal brain mode of “Oh God, yes. Fuck yes.” A couple of hours of heavy bondage and teasing with a devious domme will do that.

Here’s an image of a more typical use of spit in a kinky scenario. Based on the watermark, I believe this is from Mavrin Studios.

Happy Memories

Lack of play has got me thinking about past sessions. In particular I was thinking about the little expressions and sayings that have pushed my buttons and given me a sudden rush of subby happiness. An obvious candidate is ‘Good Boy’ which never fails to please, but others have been less predictable. Below are a few examples taken from experiences earlier this year.

“God, I love masochists.”
This was uttered by a domme less as specific praise to me, and more as a general declamation to the world. At the time I was tied to a chair with my legs spread and I was beginning to space out as she jammed her heels hard into my inner thighs. I think it was my physical arousal and eagerness for the pain that triggered the statement.

“Oh – Owie! Owie! Owie!”
Said in a mock sympathetic and caring tone while the domme was looking into my eyes and doing something vicious to my genitals. That emotive phrase from childhood in the context of a sadistic scene was a great button pushing contrast.

“He follows directions well.”
Not actually said to me directly, but put in a tweet the day before our session. I’d not met the domme before and she was tweeting generally about her session planning process and the new client she was seeing the next day. Seeing myself described that way put me in a happy subby space hours before the session started.

“It’s so wet, and warm, and you’re so, so close.”
Said during some tease & denial play. I was tightly bound and the domme, having trapped my dick between her upper thighs, leaned in to whisper this into my ear. You can probably guess what she was referring to. The memory of her scent and breath on my cheek still gives me a shiver today.

This image has no particular connection to the above quotes, other than the fact I like it and it gives me a similar subby buzz. Clearly from the watermark it’s a Mistress Sophia from NYC, but she appears to have retired from the scene.