Information Leakage

Combing a perverted lifestyle with electronic devices and an extended family visit can have its problems. You never know when some random notification or lurking browser window is going to appear on screen at an unfortunate moment. It’s particularly tricky when you’re used to living alone and browsing random filth whenever you feel like it. Several times I’ve found myself absent-mindedly firing up twitter while hanging out with elderly family members, which isn’t good when 90% of your twitter feed is kink.

My closest call so far was a scenario that never cross my mind as being dangerous – linking my phone to the hire car I have. I was taking my Mom somewhere and we wanted to call someone. So I paired my phone over bluetooth and impatiently pressed yes, yes, yes to all the prompts. One of which was related to importing contacts. I then start scrolling the list to find the family member we want to call. Unfortunately my contacts are full women’s names that my Mom has never heard me mention. Many of them being with things like Mistress, Domina or Madame. All this is coming up on the big touch screen in the center of the car. It was lucky we were stationary at the time, otherwise I might have crashed into the nearest hedge. I muttered something about internet email spam and killed it quickly, but I’ve no idea if she missed the details or decided she’d much rather not know them.

This is Mistress Mara Mayhem, one of the dommes in my contacts. The good news is that she’s listed simply by name, with no D/s title. The bad news is that it’s the kind of unique name liable to attract attention and curiosity if it’s ever spotted. Hopefully my Mom didn’t catch it or think to Google it.

Mistress Mara is based in Chicago and if you’d like to session with her there, her professional site is here.

Ending a Relationship

Autostraddle has an article on a topic that is very rarely covered in kink – The Unique Grief of Ending a BDSM Relationship. There are plenty of articles on starting BDSM relationships, and a far great number on actual kinky play within them, but very few cover the complexity and emotions in an ending. It’s written by a female dominant, but is less about the specifics of femdom and more about the dynamics that might affect the end of any kinky relationship. Not exactly sexy fun stuff, but interesting and well written.

This image is by Dirk Hooper and was created for Mistress Adreena. According to the original tweet it represents a happy memory from a session. I thought it was touching and sweet, but the emotion it captures also make it work in the context of this post. You can see more from Dirk Hooper at his site here.

Giving Tumblr a Good Screwing

Yahoo brought Tumblr for $1.1B in 2013. A few days ago it was sold for (allegedly) $3M. In between those times they managed to destroy a huge number of communities and alienate a major chunk of their users by banning adult content. Now I’m sure that enormous loss wasn’t purely due to the adult content ban – Yahoo were already writing the acquisition value down long before that – but you have to admit that it’s an impressive sequence of decision making. Less talented people might have settled for just losing money, or just pissing off their users, but it takes major skills to do both. For anyone worried about the impact on the executives involved in all this, fear not, they’re all still immensely wealthy multi-millionaires with well paid jobs. I’m sure that’ll be comforting for anyone whose site was trashed by the Tumblr rules changes.

I’ve no idea what image would best accompany this mini-rant, so I’ll pick something very hot and sexy from a Twitter user who is still advertising his Tumblr link. This is from a tweet by The Smutty Rogue. Apparently Nina is doing to Issac what Yahoo did to Tumblr.

 

See No Evil, Speak No Evil

This shot from Lady Pim is very cute and sexy. It has a lovely contrast between the sensual and the harsh.

As a personal aside, I do find it weird how things I don’t like in sessions can still continue to appeal to me visually. Blindfolds like this one are a good example. Enemas are another. Both of those are on my ‘meh’ list for kinky activities. Yet I still like the idea of them a lot.

I get how the idea of something can be exciting, but the reality of it disappointing when tried in play. That’s a fairly normal thing to happen. But how does the idea remain exciting beyond that? Somehow the reality never intrudes into the theoretical sexual fantasy.

Lady Pim is a Toronto based domme and her site for professional sessions can be found here.

Dating Skills

This New York Post article on a domme class for Manhattan women to up their dating game is a strange one. On one hand I’m all in favor of encouraging more interest in femdom and people learning new kinky skills. On the other, it seems very mercenary and calculating, and not in deliberate findom type way. Learning to top so you can match the fantasies of a rich guy and hence convince him to marry you seems like the opposite of female empowerment. But maybe I’m being too sensitive about the whole thing.

This is a screen shot from the show Billions (mentioned here previously). With Maggie Siff playing the partner and domme to Paul Giamatti’s Manhattan power player, it’s cited in the Post article as inspiration for the kinky curious.

A Session with Adreena

My UK trip has migrated north, from partying in London to spending time with family in Warwickshire. My opportunities for kink have thus been temporarily curtailed. However, before I left London, I was lucky enough to meet and play with Mistress Adreena Angela.

One of the great things about Twitter is being able to get a sense of someone before you meet them. It’s obviously an imperfect and distorted view, but it has sometimes helped me figure out who I might connect well with. From Mistress Adreena’s feed I got the impression of someone who played with a positive energy and enjoyed tease, denial and the wonderful frustration of intimacy that’s so near…yet so far away. Those are dynamics I love, particularly when mixed with  a side-order of sadism, and the result was a great first session together.

One particularly enjoyable element was her use of extended eye contact. A lot of dommes use this to some extent, but I’ve never played with one who pushes it as hard as Mistress Adreena does. I’m sure it helps that she has absolutely gorgeous eyes. With my adrenaline and endorphins flowing, it was easy to temporarily lose my sense of self in her gaze. In normal circumstances I’d get embarrassed or shy and look away, but ironically the act of submission actually makes it easier for me to maintain eye contact. It changes a challenge into an acceptance.

This shot of Mistress Adreena shows off those beautiful eyes as well as some of her equally impressive tattoos. For sessions she plays out of her own well equipped space in London. If you’re interested in a professional session then her site with the contact process is here.

Kink and Cults

This article is longer than the kind I usually share and not specifically femdom, but I found it fascinating, so I’m going to share it here anyway. It’s by Tina Horn and draws connections between religious cults like the Moonies (which her parents were part of) and some aspects of BDSM culture. She’s worked as both a pro-domme and pro-sub, and those with knowledge of the professional scene on the East coast might well find themselves speculating on the identity of the ‘The Space’ she describes in the article. I can only think of one place that fits the bill.

This image of Tina Horn is taken from this interview with her in Slutist magazine.

Back in Blighty

I’m safely back to the UK, although I have apparently turned into an American tourist. I thought my recent US citizenship test was just a few easy history questions, but there must also have been a Men in Black style brain zapper hidden in there somewhere. In the last few days I’ve been lost more times than I can count thanks to the twisty roads and arbitrary street names. I’ve been amazed at the ubiquitous jaywalking and people drinking beer on the pavement outside pubs. And I’ve been confused by the currency (all these coins!) and the elevator buttons (the UK and US disagree on what the first floor is). The combination of bewildered tourist and an English accent has been a really puzzler to everyone around me.

On a happier note, I was lucky enough to have the opportunity to meet up with Sardax on Tuesday afternoon. He’s an artist I’ve admired for many years and it was an absolute pleasure to chat with him about kink and Femdom over a coffee. I think his work captures the essence and beauty of Femdom in a very truthful and unique way, and we’re lucky to have someone with his talent contributing to the kinky community.

Sardax was also meeting up with Domina Emilia, Miss Opium and Miss Patricia, which is quite a spectacular trio of dominants to have in one place on a sunny afternoon in a park! It was a real honor to have the chance to meet and chat with all of them. The image below was shot that afternoon and taken from Domina Emilia’s twitter feed.

Domina Emilia (professional site here), Miss Opium (professional site here)and Miss Patricia (professional site here) are all London based pro-dommes.

If you’re interested in commissioning work from Sardax, his info is here.

Heading to the Old Country

I’m flying back to the UK tomorrow for a fairly lengthy vacation. Blogging may therefore be a bit erratic over the coming weeks, depending of factors such as jetlag, partying, proximity of family members to my laptop, etc.

I do have some kinky play lined up, although not as much as I would have liked. If I’m in LA or NYC for a few days on my own, it’s pretty easy to schedule sessions with different dommes. In the UK I have to coordinate with multiple sets of friends and family, none of whom expect me to be disappearing for a few hours to get beaten, pierced or peed on.

On the plus side, it’ll be good to see the country again before Boris has a chance to wreck it. I’ll be spending a decent portion of my time relaxing in the beautiful countryside of both England and Scotland. I’ve no kinky plans for that section, which is a shame, as British ladies and outdoor pursuits can have some interesting kinky possibilities.

I found this in an old tumblr archive. A bit of research got me to this photoset featuring a model named Natalie, shot by the photographer Cannizzaro aka The Booted Cat.

Happiness

This Swaddle article makes the case that BDSM can make you more successful at work. As one dominant woman in the article says…

I began to notice that especially on days after we had engaged in a play scene, I would feel more focussed, composed and clear-headed. It was almost as if the satisfied feeling I felt in bed, in that position of power, flowed over the next day. I feel like I know more about myself — my mind and my body.

I’ve blogged on the concept of flow in the past (for example here), but reading the Swaddle article made me wonder if something more basic could be at play. Is it simply that being happy makes people more effective?

I know when I’m feeling happy at work (from kinky play or any other reason) I’m more likely to engage effectively in discussions and do a better job of selling my ideas. On the flipside, if I’m feeling unfulfilled or down, I’m more likely to get hung up on pointless arguments and trying to win the debate at all costs. Being effective in my work is often as much about knowing when to let something I disagree with slide as it is about doing the right thing. If I’m buzzed and flying on endorphins from a great play session, then I think I’m smarter about picking my battles. Not looking to work for emotional fulfillment actually leads to smart decision making and hence a more productive work life.

In summary: I should be able to claim on expenses for my kinky play with pro-dommes. It’d be a net gain for my company. I look forward to trying that argument out with my boss. I’m guessing it’ll have to go under the “Miscellaneous” section on the expense form.

Talking of happiness – here’s a very cheerful looking lady. Hopefully the man destined to wear that interesting funnel gag she’s holding is equally happy with the idea.