Tag: Bondage

Cosmo recommends

This Cosmos article entitled 7 Kinds of Porn You Don’t Watch — But Might Love is pretty self-explanatory. It’s a pointer to porn that women might enjoy but hadn’t considered trying. The good news is that both femdom and pegging are on the list. The bad news is that it doesn’t really given any suggestions how to experience them. The only link is to the kink.com site, and I don’t think that’s a great starting point. You have to pay to play and it has a lot of intense scenes, neither of which are good if you’re a tiny bit curious but not convinced.

That got me thinking – what actually what would be a good recommendation in this case? Are there sites that portray femdom in a positive light, that aren’t awash in porn cliches and won’t scare a newbie off? It’s a tricky question. I can think of some tumblrs I’d recommend, but tumblrs tend to come and go and are often hard to find. If you’re curious about spanking then I think Pandora Blake’s Dreams of Spanking hits the spot. It shows a positive side to kink and manages to be professional without being porn-y. Outside of that, I’m kind of stuck. Any other suggestions from readers?

This image is from the Tickleberry site, which actually would be a fairly good one to point newcomers at. It’s not porn, but it has got a bunch of articles explaining a lot of basic stuff like pegging, chastity, domination, etc. Unfortunately it doesn’t look like it has been updated in the last year or so.

chastity

Better than yoga?

Articles on BDSM and mindfulness have been popping up across the web in recent days. The first I spotted was at Time magazine, and since then I’ve seen similar articles at sites like Bustle, Instinct Magazine and Medical Daily. They were triggered by research published in the journal Psychology of Consciousness that claimed that BDSM could put people in a state of ‘flow’, where the rest of the world falls away and their concentration is heightened on the present moment.

It’s good to see positive BDSM stories on mainstream sites, and I doubt many people in the kinky world would dispute the idea of BDSM leading to altered mental states. Getting into subspace might not be the only reason people play, but it’s often an important one. That said, I do have problems with the study (as it’s described in the mainstream press)…

  1. They only picked 7 couples, which is a tiny number to study. On top of that, the couples had a variety of relationship states (from long term to just met), introducing more variables into the tiny sample.
  2. They randomly assigned top/bottom status. If everyone involved was a switch that might be OK, but if not, then it would seem very problematic. Ask me to top someone and you will not get mindfulness. You’ll get anxiety, stress and a partner stuck in a tangled web of granny knotted ropes. Switching for non-switches is not a good measure of normal BDSM play.
  3. It doesn’t appear that they distinguished between top and bottom space. I’m not an expert on top space, but from what I’ve read it seems quite different to bottom space. Both have elements of being in the moment and the rest of the world falling away. However, top space seems to be about concentration and focus, a sense of mastery that aligns with the more traditional ideas of mindfulness and flow. Bottom space, for me at least, is not like that at all. It’s about not thinking clearly, surrendering to the moment and disassociating. I hear tops describe their state as having heightened intuition and understanding, where I can barely form words when deep in bottom space.

Hopefully the study will at least be a good starting point for further research. In the meantime, I’ll leave you with an image of a couple in their own particular state of flow. From the watermark I assume it was something to do with this event (I found it here).

flow

Getting it all wrong

When a story about a dominatrix avoiding jail after a client died in a session originally surfaced in my inbox, I was pleased. Not for the dead guy obviously, but for the fact that she hadn’t been unreasonably punished. From just reading the article title I assumed he’d had a heart attack or aneurysm and gone out doing something he enjoyed. Intense kinky sex can certainly raise stress and blood pressure levels, and having a play partner die would be traumatizing enough without adding legal entanglements. Now, having read the story, I’m not so sure. Jail seems like a pretty reasonable place for her.

The client contacted her to do breathplay, which is a reasonable thing in itself. The badness starts with him wanting to be made unconscious. It gets worse with the fact she agreed to do it when clearly neither of them had a clue what they were doing. It culminates with her helping him use tape and a noose to cut off his breathing and then leaving him alone in a hotel room for 30 minutes. Leaving someone alone is a big red flag in most bondage situations, let alone when breathing restrictions are involved. Stupidity like that really deserves some prison time, even if he was equally idiotic in instigating the situation.

Personally, I love breathplay. I’ve had some of my most intense sessions while experiencing it. But it was always with people who knew what they were doing, who kept a very close watch on my physical responses and where we could escape it in a second or two.

breathplayThis is the lovely Mistress Eleise – someone who definitely does know how to do breathplay properly. A gloved hand can be very effective all on its own. This is taken from her Femme Fatale Films.

Patreon

I noticed when writing my previous post that Yumine has set-up a Patreon account. For those that haven’t encountered this service before, it’s an easy way for fans (patrons) of artists to contribute a few bucks to them on a regular basis. It’s not designed to crowdfund a specific piece of work, but instead functions more as a virtual tip jar for ongoing work. Yumine is suggesting chipping in just a $1 or $5 per month.

I’ve not used Patreon before, but this seemed a worthwhile case to give it a go. Sign-up was very quick and easy, and it let me use either PayPal or a credit card. If like me, you appreciate Yumine’s work, then maybe give it a shot yourself?

calmOf course this gives me another excuse to feature her work in a post. I particularly like this piece as the D/s dynamic and activity reminds me a lot of my play. I love breathplay and nipple torture, while having a love/hate relationship with hoods. That often leads to a lot of nervous energy that has to be worked through.

Service dynamics

As well as dipping my toe back into kinky waters in San Francisco, I’ve also been indulging my fetish for fine dining. I love great food, but I also enjoy observing the theater the goes along with high end restaurants. It’s almost like a roleplay, combing drama, craftsmanship and a finely tuned business machine. It’s designed to make every customer feel like they have a unique and personal experience, while at the same time making it endlessly reproducible.

The customer/server dynamic in these restaurants always intrigues me. There’s an element of D/s in it, but who plays what role can be highly variable. I had a great meal at a restaurant I’ll call AC in San Francisco, and experienced two very different servers. One made me feel pampered and that every little need was taken care of. The other had a quietly superior vibe that pushed all my internal submissive buttons. I imagined that if a drop of sauce was spilt she might force me to lick it up. The former’s philosophy seemed to be “I really hope you like it…” while the latter was “You better damn well like it…” You can probably guess who I enjoyed interacting with the most.

wineThis is Nikki Nefarious shooting for DDI magazine back in 2009.

A job well done

Somebody here looks pretty pleased with themselves. There’s a nice contrast between her perky cheerful pose and his well welted ass. I’m guessing his expression would be slightly less cheerful.

Looking Pleased With HerselfI’m afraid I don’t have an attribution for this. Feel free to help me out via the comments section.

Updated: Thanks to my ever vigilant readers I can now attribute this as Cassie Hunter aka The Hunteress. She’s an English pro-domme who appears to have retired just in the last month.

Forceful ropework

Continuing on from the last post, this is another F/m rope bondage scene, but has a very different dynamic. This is less about tender and more about control and pain. It’s still sexy as hell though. I think it’s the hand to the back of the neck that does it for me. She doesn’t just want him tied up, she wants him exactly in the position she demands.

HandToNeckI found this on the ‘Please Take My Control’ tumblr. I’m afraid I haven’t managed to track down an original attribution. If anyone can help with that then please leave a comment.

Feel the burn

I noticed that I’d inadvertently published two consecutive posts featuring fire. That wasn’t intended, but given that I have a strange compulsion to post in trios, here’s a third on the subject on flames and heat. This image caught my eye purely for the look on his face. It makes me yearn to feel like that. He looks lost in the moment. You can see another shot from the same scene here.

Hot Wax Play from Divine BitchesThis is from a Divine Bitches shoot featuring Bobbi Starr and Trent Diesel. I originally found it via this post on Femdom Times.

Zen and the art of bondage

A few posts ago I linked to an article on BDSM and meditation. On a similar theme I stumbled onto this short video from the New York Post on the idea of meditative bondage. It features classes from Erin Houdini.

The idea itself is interesting, but sadly the presenter of the video is fairly annoying. She takes great pleasure in announcing at the end that she didn’t find it sexually charging and didn’t ‘get into it.’ I’ll never understand people like that. Not liking something is fine, we all have different interests, but why would anyone be happy about it? I love discovering new things I like, whether it’s food, drink, people, art or sexual activities. Conversely, I’m always disappointed when something doesn’t push my buttons. That means a potentially interesting and new avenue of exploration is closed off to me. Why would you be happy about having less options in life?

BoundAndFuckedThis gentleman appears to be enjoying some stringent rope bondage. I wonder how Zen he’s feeling? The watermark has been annoyingly cut off, but I’d guess this is from the kink.com studios.