Femdom Resource – Page 237 – The beauty of dominant women

Simplify your vagina

My latest favorite way to kill a few minutes between emails is the Least Helpful site. It bills itself as ‘Daily Dispatches from the Internet’s Worst Reviewers’, and contains everything from sensitive Nazi’s to olfactory innovators.

As far as this blog goes, there are a few sex related ones. I kind of liked the guy trying to cure the aches and pains in his G-Spot, and the very unimaginative handcuff purchaser. Not to mention the guy who seems to have penises on the brain (and in the ears). But my absolute favorite was this review for She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman. I’ve no idea if the book is good, but I did learn something about the reviewer.

Women, simplify your vaginas. Make it work without making us read long books on a useless topic

I might be going out on a limb here, but something tells me he may not be a particularly sensitive and selfless lover. Or all that knowledgeable about female anatomy.

The obvious answer for him is that he should just stick to the cock. I’m guessing he’s pretty experienced with his own. If he has any difficulty I’m sure someone like Mistress T would be happy to guide him in the right direction.

Should by some miracle he find himself a lady who’ll let him near her very complex lady parts, she could try a firm hand to encourage him to learn. But I suspect the best plan is just to take him out of the equation altogether, in the manner of the image below. That’ll keep things nice and simple for him.

I found this on the Thoughts of a Dork (aka ephanyroyce) tumblr. It’s originally from Divine Bitches.

Just the bare essentials

I continue to mull over the ‘Desert Island Kinky Toy’ concept that I mentioned in yesterday’s post. If you haven’t read that yet, I suggest starting there before going any further. It’ll be less confusing that way.

As well as music, the island castaway also gets to choose one book to take, but the Bible and the complete works of Shakespeare are also always provided. I assume they did this to prevent lots of people picking them and thus making the book selection a less interesting part of the show. I’m not sure if these two would be the standard provision if the show started today, but they probably made a lot of sense to the gentlemen running the BBC in the 1940’s.

It got me to thinking: In the BDSM version of the show (as produced and directed by yours truly), what would be automatically given to the kinky castaways? In other words, what two items would be on almost everyone’s list, and therefore should be provided by default to avoid repitition?

I think an obvious one is rope. Great for bondage, gags, makeshift leashes, suspension from palm trees, staking people out on the beach, etc. Useful in a multitude of ways, I think it’d be something everyone would pick. Plus, years as a castaway might actually give you time to complete at least one of those fancy rope corset arrangements that look so cool.

After that obvious selection it gets a little more difficult. A whip? A bit single-purpose and not everyone’s taste. A cane? Probably easy enough to mimic from local flora and fauna. A strap-on? Chastity device? Needles? All great, but all specialist choices that not everyone would take. Quite honestly I pondered this question all day at work. I almost answered ‘nipple clamps’ to a question in a meeting on data center construction, which would at least have livened the discussion up.

It wasn’t until I was making dinner tonight that I figured out what I think is the answer – a big bed with loads of tie points. Something like this or this. It’s so versatile that everyone could use it. Good for bondage, corporal, breathplay, fucking, massage, medical and even sleeping if all that tires you out. Try doing all that on a canvas hammock slung between a couple of palm trees. Despite playing with a lot of great custom made dungeon furniture over the last few years, a lot of my best scenes have happened on a bed.

Annoyingly I couldn’t quickly locate any suitable shots featuring ropes and beds, so here’s a nice one that’s heavy on the rope and adds a little whipping into the mix.

I found this on the Fun Fantasies tumblr. It’s obviously originally from Men in Pain.

Desert Island Toys

There’s a very famous radio show in the UK called Desert Island Discs. It has run since the 1940’s with a format that has never been altered. They invite a guest on and he or she has to pick the 8 pieces of music they’d want to have with them if they were stranded on a desert island. They also get to nominate a single book and a luxury item to take. The show revolves around playing the music and discussing why they made those choices.

It’s a very adaptable format for all sorts of specialist areas and tonight, over a glass of wine, I got to mulling what my BDSM desert island toys would be. I didn’t really settle on a final list, but there was always one constant on any list I came up with – sharp, tight plastic clips. A lot of other toys get all the glory. Canes, whips, boots and rope feature everywhere and tend to hog the limelight. Spring loaded clips don’t look all that sexy, don’t feature in classic BDSM erotica and are never fetishized. Yet they’re incredible versatile for creating interesting painful sensations and have featured in some of my favorite scenes (one of which I wrote about here). Definitely something that’d be packed in my steamer chest for any isolated tropical vacations.

I found this shot on the Beyond the Valley of the Femdoms tumblr. Like a lot of images I feature, it was their expressions that drew me to it. They both look happy, but in very different ways.

Oh Lord, won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz?

I’ve always had some degree of discomfort about the idea of financial domination, although I could never put my finger on exactly what it was. It doesn’t push any of my buttons to be described as a ‘pay-piggy’ or objectified as a human ATM, but I could say the same thing about plenty of other styles of play. I’m not into adult/baby roleplay or public humiliation, yet my lack of interest there doesn’t translate into an active discomfort with the activity.

It was only when I was reading this article on a financial domme in NYC that I managed to put my finger on at least part of my problem. I’ve no idea how much truth is in the article, but it certainly reflects an attitude and approach I’ve seen on a lot of fin-domme sites. What bothers me about it is the lack of a ‘duty of care’. All participants in a BDSM scene have a responsibility to ensure it’s safe and consensual, but due to the natural dynamic there’s obviously a particular emphasis on the dominant’s role. She has a duty of care to try and ensure the submissive eventually emerges healthy and undamaged.

This duty doesn’t absolve the submissive of responsibility, and it doesn’t make the dominant responsible for everything and anything that happens. Accidents can happen, both in a physical and emotional sense. But the intent should always be there, and it’s often an intent that seems to be lacking from what I observe of financial domination. It would seem like an area where the risk of harm is particularly high, and therefore greater care should be taken. Yet most of the fin-dommes I stumble across fit the mould of the one in the article. They’re inexperienced, not particularly into BDSM and express little interest in the overall health of their clients. There seems to be a lack of self-analysis and critical evaluation of what they’re doing and why.

In a physical BDSM session there’s also a very clear element of self-interest for the dominant to make sure everyone is safe. Nobody wants to end the scene in an emergency room. And anyone injuring submissives or pushing scenes beyond comfortable limits is going to have difficulty finding play partners (one would hope). I’m not sure what the equivalent feedback mechanism for a financial domme is. The goal would simply seem to be to extract as much as possible without losing the client.

I should be clear this is purely a personal opinion based purely on what I’ve seen on-line. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing to be involved in or to enjoy. Doubtless there are ethical and talented financial dommes out there. I just found it interesting to finally identify what sometimes niggled me about this very specific dynamic.

The photograph is by Tyler Shields, and features the back of Tamara Ecclestone’s shoes (daughter of billionaire Bernie Ecclestone).

The munchies

It’s Thanksgiving in America. As an Englishman I didn’t grow up with the holiday, so it doesn’t have quite the same resonance for me as I think it does for a lot of my American friends. However, I do always enjoy getting together with friends for a good nosh-up.

That eating theme seemed to tie in nicely with these images, which show the lovely Katie from Men Are Slaves chowing down on her submissive. He’s covered in bite marks, so clearly he’s a tasty treat.

I found these images on the rather excellent Femdom Times.

Who’s honoring me now?

I was very happy to learn that I featured at position 18 in the recently released Top 100 Sex Bloggers of 2012. To be honest I’d never heard of this list until a few days ago, and I’ve no idea exactly how the nomination or judging process works. However, on reading it I was immediately struck by the great wisdom and insightful perception of the compiler, Rori. Clearly she’s someone whose judgement should be beyond reproach. And you can trust me on that. I am after all the 18th greatest sex blogger in the world.

A number of my fellow femdom bloggers, with whom I’ve exchanged many friendly comments and emails in the past, also made it onto the list. Ferns in 27th, D from Dumb Domme in 31st, Axe at 49th, Suzanne at 72nd, etc. To them, and all the thousands of nameless sex bloggers who toil over their keyboards every day for little recognition, I say: Suck It! Clearly you’re neither as sexy or as bloggy as me.

If I’m reading this right (and I am), then this is also implies I’m the 18th greatest blogger in the world at sex. I always thought that was true, but it’s nice to have it confirmed by a stranger on the internet. I knew those years of practice alone would pay off. Now I just need to find all the women I’ve slept with in the last few years and show it to both of them. They claimed I was rubbish, but I always said it was impossible for them to form a proper opinion in just a few seconds.

The only thing I’m disappointed by is the lack of an inscribed award statue to stick over the fireplace. Even just a badge or a T-shirt would have been nice. I’m going to be in Vegas again in a weeks time, and I’ve got to think that they would make a great conversation starter in bars. Just as long as nobody from positions 1 through 17 were there to sex-blog block me.

I’ve no idea what image would be suitable for a sex blog award, so here’s an attractive lady in lacy lingerie holding a riding crop. You’re welcome.

The picture is from the Dominant Ladies tumblr. For anyone who has never seen Stephen Colbert, and might be in danger of thinking I was being serious in the post, here and here are some examples of what you’ve been missing.

Sparkle free zone

My image search tells me that the first shot below (found on Mujeres Dominantes) is from a show called the The Vampire Diaries. I’ve never seen it, but I like the blood, knife and rather impractical manacles.

As an adolescent I loved vampire movies, particularly those from Hammer Films. They always had such a great blend of violence, control and sensuality. Dracula was an entertaining character, but my favorite moments came after he’d turned his first voluptuous and skimpily dressed victim to the dark side. While her family looked on in horror, she’d start seducing, biting and generally behaving like a outrageous hussy with anyone in cleavage range. I loved those sequences, and always hated it when some bible thumping puritan turned up and stuck a stake in her.

I was involved in a scene recently where, after tying me up, the dominant carefully bent back my head and then bit me hard on neck and shoulder. It was a great moment and gave me happy flashbacks to sitting in a dark bedroom watching the late great Ingrid Pitt snack on her latest victim.

The complexity of corporal

I have a complex relationship with corporal style punishment. Before I got physically involved in BDSM it was one of the primary things I fantasized about, probably secondly only to bondage in my internal kinky hit parade. It was the focus of my very first play session, and I’d still describe it as a favorite activity. Yet, when I come to look back at the type of play I’ve done over the past couple of years, it has not been a frequently occurring theme. Things like CBT, breathplay, piercing and bondage have all been more popular picks. I’m not entirely sure why that is.

I do know that I’m typically more nervous before a corporal scene than other type of scene. There’s something a little more wild and uncontrolled about corporal play. Where I can relax and space out on something like CBT, a whipping or a caning feels more like a challenge. They’re a duet where I have a real role to play. There’s also a very different energy around it. Where some scenes can feel intimate, with a closed shared sense of energy, a corporal scene is far more cathartic. There’s a distance between myself and the dominant, with a creation and outward expression of energy.

I suspect that last factor is at least part of why I’ve done them less frequently in the last couple of years. I’ve felt more in need of close scenes, involving personal connection with the dominant, rather than powerful moments of catharsis. Although that might be changing. After last weeks beating I’m now feeling really antsy for another. Unfortunately both Lydia and I will be traveling over the next few weeks, so for the moment it looks like I’ll have to content myself with hot pictures such as this one.

This is from the Latin Beauties in High Heels site. I originally found it on the SM Images (aka fun fantasies) tumblr.

My what a big one

That’s a rather large black cock she’s sporting. It puts me in mind of an expression from my childhood referring to greed – “His eyes were bigger than his belly.” In this case it’s not going to be his belly that the gentleman on the receiving end will have to worry about.

I also like the contrast between the big strap-on, her conventional attire and the few leather bondage/fetish items on the table. It suggests an interesting ongoing scene that we’ve just caught a single moment from.

I found this on the Prostate Lessons tumblr.

Happenstance

I always take an odd pleasure in discovering connections between seemingly unrelated posts. Humans are pre-programmed to look for patterns and stories, and I enjoy it when my random web browsing creates that kind of connection.

A few days ago I read this post from Tynan Fox (via a post at eros blog), where Tynan (a gay guy) gets a flogging from a pro-domme (Mistress Mara). I though it was interesting but not necessarily blog-worthy. The very next day, via a femdom tumblr, I came across the Garden Hose comic and the two comic strips below. Just in case it’s not clear, they feature a straight female top and gay male bottom. That’s not exactly a common pairing, so to stumble across these two posts in consecutive days was kind of weird.

The Garden Hose comic has sadly been on hiatus since late last year. If like me you’ve never encountered it before, it’s well worth a browse through the archives. I particularly liked this strip, along with this and this. In another strange coincidence it’s written by Fern, who I assume is not the same as this Ferns. What is it about Pteridophyta that make them attractive to dominant women? Clearly I should start cultivating a few on my windowsill.