Gag – Page 8 – Femdom Resource

Lacking all reason

My previous post featured what I thought was a good article on the positive side of mixing discussion, consent and sex. Today’s post brings you the flipside – a really stupid post on sex and consent. Other bloggers may aim to bring you only good things; I like to go with more of a harmonious yin and yang approach.

The article is (ironically) from Reason magazine and is entitled ‘California’s Sexual Consent Law Will Ruin Good Sex for Women‘. It was prompted by the recent ‘Yes means Yes‘ law passed in California, which aims to shift the emphasis in colleges from an assumption of consent to a need to actively gain consent. There’s an interesting discussion to be had about that law, but the Reason article by Shikha Dalmia certainly isn’t it. The bit that really irked me was this…

…there is usually a difference in tempo between men and women, with women generally requiring more “convincing.” And someone who requires convincing is not yet in a position to offer “affirmative” much less “enthusiastic” consent. That doesn’t mean that the final experience is unsatisfying — but it does mean that initially one has to be coaxed out of one’s comfort zone. Affirmative consent would criminalize that.
The reality is that much of sex is not consensual — but it is also not non-consensual. It resides in a gray area in between, where sexual experimentation and discovery happen.

I’m going to resist the temptation to draw conclusions about Shikha Dalmia’s sex life based on this. I can say it’s pretty piss poor logic with no apparent understanding of what consent means.

One of the great things that exploring kink has done for me is helped me to discuss and negotiate sexual activity. If you grow up watching sex in movies (both mainstream and porn) you get the impression that great sex just happens automatically. One minute the cynical private eye is trading witty barbs and smouldering looks with his femme fatale client, the next minute, just after she’s tried to slap him, they’re having amazing sex without so much as a yes, no or maybe. In reality experimentation, and the discussion that must go along with it, makes everything better. I’ve never yet had a mutual fantasy ruined by talking about it. I’ve had plenty of experiences where misunderstanding and a lack of communication definitely made things worse.

Hopefully the gentleman in this image got all his discussion out of the way up front, as his current options look decidedly limited. The image is of course from Divine Bitches.

Art and reality

One of the things I enjoy about erotic artwork is its ability to portray the strange and fantastic. Artists like Sardax, Namio Harukawa and Augustine do a wonderful job of capturing the extremes of sexual fantasies in a way that still connects with people. Yet the thing I like most about the piece below is it’s realism. I don’t mean that in the visual sense – it’s clearly not a hyperrealistic drawing – but in the mood and style of play it captures. It feels like a moment from a scene I might do or have done. There’s no crazy bondage positions, massive strap-ons or extreme outfits. Just some rope, clothespins and a nice sense of intimacy and connection.

The artist is Tingos and you can see more of his work on his tumblr. I found it via the Lunar Black tumblr.

Completing the costume

Here’s another sexy artwork featuring a lady with anal play on her mind. Unlike yesterday’s shot, this looks less like a reward, and more like the start of some intense roleplaying.

Before writing this post I spent many minutes pondering the image and trying to decide why I found it so erotic. I think it’s down to the contrasts it displays. The bondage set-up and outfit is pretty extreme, yet they seem such a sweet couple. I love his blushing expression and her caring but determined look. That’s just how I like to play – heavy yet tender.

This was created by the artist Tilly Monster. You’ll need a (free) deviant art login to see her most ‘interesting’ work! She takes commissions if you’re interested in some custom artwork.

There’s an app for that

I’ve been meaning to write a highly critical post about the Good2Go app that Slate reviewed a few days ago. Fortunately, as is often the way, my ~~laziness~~ carefully calculated procrastination has paid off, with the Girl on the net doing the job for me. In a far more coherent way than I would have managed, she accurately points out that consent isn’t a simple contract approved with a one time rubber stamp. It certainly shouldn’t be a rubber stamp skewed towards ‘yes’ that gets recorded to some cloud database.

While this particular app is stupid, I’ve often thought there was a role for an app in managing BDSM activity lists. If you’ve not seen one of these before, take a look at this particular example. That gives 200 different activities, with 10 different interest level designators, checkboxes for what you’ve tried and top/bottom differentiation. What’s more it’s formatted to be printed out, so presumably the idea is you fill it out on paper and take it along to play parties. I’ve got to think that an app would be better than handing out flyers to everyone you meet in the dungeon. The app couldn’t negotiate the scene for you, but it could at least do a quick intersection of two different lists and highlight the overlap. Plus, you could update it on the fly and maintain switchable lists for different situations. We could call it the iHanky.

I’m not sure what the gentleman below put on his activity list, but I hope he put a 5 against ‘Getting injected into the urethra with a solution made from Tabasco sauce’. Because judging by what the two ladies are holding, that’s what he’s about to enjoy.

This image is from Baroness Essex, an English pro-domme based in East Anglia and London. It features the Baroness with her PA Katherine. I found it via the Bei Fuss tumblr.

The infinite virtual bookshelf

After my last post on the topic of inadvertent data sharing with family members, Servitor left a comment reminding me that separate user accounts can help solve the problem. That’s actually very good advice. All my laptops are Windows devices and it does an excellent job of providing sand boxed environments for each user. Keeping separate email and social media accounts for kinky stuff is an obvious thing to do, but extending it all the way to your local device also makes a lot of sense.

Unfortunately iPads and apps are terrible in this respect. The Kindle app is particularly bad. Not only does it show all your books in its library, but I can’t even find a way to delete stuff from the shelf. I’ve got all sorts of random porn and kinky writing mixed in with history books, classic crime novels and modern fiction. When I visit someone’s house I always enjoy being nosy and browsing their bookcases. Unfortunately the kindle app designer thinks that not only should your bedroom and living room bookcases be equally on display, but also those well thumbed magazines stashed under your virtual mattress. Now I live in fear that anyone using my iPad will browse my electronic bookcase and get an eyeful of some bizarre BDSM fiction that I purchased on a horny whim in a lonely hotel room many moons ago.

Here’s what I think should have happened to the kindle app designer the day after he came up with his initial design specs. Maybe an hour or two with these two ladies would have encouraged him to try a bit harder.

There is only one thing in life worse than being talked about…

I had a pleasant surprise when browsing one of my favorite tumblrs recently. The site in question is the Happy BDSM one, and the pleasant surprise was that the owner had reposted the text from one of my posts. Image reposts aren’t uncommon, but to see my text posted was unusual. I say it was a pleasant surprise, but my initial response was actually to be puzzled. For just a moment or two I wasn’t sure what I was reading. I knew I’d seen it somewhere before, but couldn’t quite put my finger on where…

The purpose of mentioning all this isn’t to brag (well, maybe a little), but to make an observation on the brilliance of the tumblr design philosophy. I spotted three different bits of my writing reblogged to the tumblr (also here and here). My original posts generated a grand total of 3 comments from my readers (for which I’m grateful). The three reposts to tumblr generated a total of 208 notes (either likes or reblogs). That’s a 70x increase in feedback over the originals, and I think that’s mainly down to how tumblr lowers the barriers to sharing and participation. Writing a comment on someone else’s blog can sometimes feel like an intrusion into their space, where reblogging on tumblr feels more like a compliment delivered in you own space.

Following the theme of happy BDSM, here’s a lady enjoying herself. His expression isn’t all that clear, but I like to think he’s smiling under there.

I’m afraid I have no original source for this image. Anyone pondering the post title should take a look at this.

A captured moment

There are a lot of naked body parts and kinky toys on display here. The butt plug, chastity device and gag makes for a nice kinky combo. However, what really makes the image work for me is that shared look and her hand on his jaw. It’s a nice instance of connection that sparks the imagination. Without capturing those kind of moments you’re just let with some random naked bodies and an arbitrary collection of metal, plastic and leather devices.

I found this on the equally deep in your eyes tumblr. There’s no attribution or watermark, but it looks awfully like a Divine Bitches shot to me.

The danger of labels

In yesterday’s post I wrote how much I disliked the alpha v’s beta personality categories. Apparently I’m not the only one, as this post by Stabbity is a fine rant on submissive guys who also describe themselves as alpha males. She makes some good points, and I agree with most of it. However, contrarian that I am, I feel I should offer a defensive of submissives that use that terminology. Or if not a defense, perhaps what I think is an explanation for some cases.

One frequent complaint from dominant women is the number of men who approach them whilst proclaiming their worthlessness. Typically these are men who have spent far too long watching bad femdom porn. “Mistress,” they’ll say. “I’ll do anything you want. I exist to serve you. I’m just a doormat. Something beneath your beautiful feet that I’m not worthy to lick – although it’d actually be really great if I could do that.”

Women in kinky spaces are understandably annoyed by this and respond that they want a strong confident submissive. Someone who can think for himself, show initiative and make a positive contribution to a relationship. I believe some submissive guys see that kind of description and think “Aha! That description looks a lot like the stereotypical alpha male. That’s an ideal label to quickly differentiate myself from those worthless worm idiots.”

I don’t disagree with Stabbity that it’s a vague term, possibly insulting and probably a sign of insecurity. As I wrote yesterday, I hate the alpha and beta labels. But I can understand the underlying dynamic that provokes some submissive men to use the term. Essentially both sides are reacting to a negative portrayal of submission. Unfortunately in trying to differentiate themselves with the word alpha, submissive men drag in a bunch of additional baggage they (possibly) don’t intend.

I’ve not seen a ball gag with formal wear before, but it makes for a nice combination. Glad to see they color coordinated it as well. This image is from Men in Pain.

Gift wrapped and nicely decorated

Here’s my third and final Christmas themed image. It’s also my favorite of those I published and spotted on other blogs. Normally the festive elements are simply costumes or props. Here they’ve managed to work them into an actually scene. There’s mummification and bondage done in a gift wrapping style. There are lights adding a decorative and a predicament element, and her costume is both seasonal and sexy. It’s a winning situation all round.

If you celebrate Christmas then I hope you have a very happy one. If you don’t, then I apologize for all the seasonal blather, and normally service will be resumed shortly!

I found this on the Domination on My terms tumblr. I don’t have an original attribution. It reminds me of the kind of thing published on the Dudes in Distress tumblr, but that sadly seems to have lost all its content, so I can’t validate that thought. If anyone knows who created it then please leave a comment.

Joining the medical establishment

Just hours after writing yesterday’s post on piercing I was intrigued to stumble across this article from Japan on a domme getting arrested for needle play. She’d posted images of it on her blog (link anyone?), and obviously the Osaka police have such low crime rates that they’ve time to waste hassling adults having consensual fun. Apparently it’s illegal in Japan to do anything that might draw blood without a medical license. That would seem to make a lot of BDSM play potentially risky, as even canes or single tails can draw blood if applied with sufficient force.

Obtaining a medical license seems like a tough requirement just for getting your kink on. I’m guessing it’s not the kind of thing you can obtain with a few evening classes at your local adult education establishment. In fact according to this article, even medical students in Japan can’t do minor procedures like give an injection. They have to graduate, which takes around 6 years. Yet despite that rule, the US somehow still manages to spend 2.5x times what Japan does on healthcare. Getting arrested for play piercing images clearly isn’t the only screwed up thing here.

I really wanted to find a sensual and visually attractive piercing shot to feature with this post (something like this). Unfortunately, despite a lot of hunting around, I’ve come up short. Ironically needles tends to feature in a lot of Japanese femdom movies, but there’s little good imagery out there. Most of what there is tends to be extreme and lack any D/s vibe to it.

Instead I’ll go with the medical theme and something from the pen of the great Sardax. I’m not sure what ailment this course of treatment is for, but I’m sure it’s a highly effective approach.

You can find more of Sardax’s fine work at his site. You can also pick up his illustrated and translated version of Venus in Furs at Amazon UK.