My LA trip continues to be a kinky delight. I’ve done two sessions with the amazing Domina Sophie Agenoux, both of which were a hell of a lot of fun. My last post gave a pretty clear hint about some of our activities. However, I also got to try a couple of new things. Given I’ve been playing for many years that’s an unusual but welcome experience.
The first new thing was a chastity cage. It seems weird to say this, given they’re such a staple of femdom and I’m a big fan of tease + denial, but I don’t think I’ve ever worn one before. This wasn’t a lengthy lock-up by any measure. Just a segment at the start of the session to set the mood. But it was fun to try and definitely did help create the right headspace. My top takeaways were that doing it more seriously for a longer period would require a properly fitted custom cage, and mixing pubic hair with hinges and locking mechanisms is a bad idea. Shave first.
The other new thing we worked into our second session was some gentle verbal humiliation. Until now that’s been a verboten dynamic for me. I was always concerned how I’d react to it and if it’d curdle into a sour post play emotion. I took a chance here as it seemed to be a nice fit with the tease/denial/objectification dynamic we were doing, and I trusted Domina Sophie to ease into it carefully. That turned out to be a great call, as it added a lovely frission to the play and Domina Sophie judged it perfectly.
I don’t think I’ll ever get into heavy and overly negative humiliation play. Being called a loser or useless does not spark my interest. However, there’s a variation I think of as the backhanded compliment: You don’t get to have X, you’re no good for X, but you do make a great Y. It’s demeaning – given a conventionally desirable X and a Y that is decidedly not – but in an oddly positive and hot way.
This shot of Domina Sophie Agenoux was sourced from her Bluesky Feed. If you’re in the Southern Californian area and wish to schedule a session then you can find her professional site here. I really can’t recommend her highly enough.
That’s very brave of you paltego! Myself, I just can’t get into verbal humiliation; it’s an instant kill-switch for me, despite the fact that I’m also into watersports and other activities that most seem to associated with humiliating/degrading activities. Verbal humiliation just doesn’t do it for me and I don’t see any of my kinks like ‘forced’ body-worship, watersports, and panty/shoe/foot sniffing as humiliation/degradation scenes. The key word is ‘worship’ for me, and I don’t feel humiliation/degradation from what to me would be an act of devotion to someone I worship.
Thanks for a thought-provoking post! Hope you have more fun!
You make an interesting point. There is a disconnect between ‘I adore this person’ and ‘actively worshipping this person is humiliating’.
Licking someone’s boots (a fortiori, being made to do so) is, in our culture, blatantly coded as a humiliation – in fact, it is practically the very symbol of it. And we carry those cultural codes and assumptions into our kinks and our sessions.
For me, the humiliation (which is my oldest and most powerful fetish) came first. Then I looked for a Domme to enact humiliation scenes. Only after that, did I discover the joy of actively worhipping someone because you truly worship them.
One way around this dichotomy is to employ roleplay. If you are both pretending to be someone else, then you can still evoke the frisson of humiliation when you are ‘forced’ to grovel, kiss her legs/bottom, and whatever else works for you both. My preference is to add to the humiliation of forced worship by adding a ‘reversal of expected power structure’ element to the roleplay: boss dominated by secretary, for example.
I can’t take too much credit on the bravery front – it was very mild! 🙂 Just a bit of gentle suggestion. Definitely not something I’d do with someone I’d not played with before or didn’t trust.
I should really write about degradation vs humiliation as I’m now wondering if those are slightly different things. Hadn’t though about it before, but your comment got me thinking. And worship is a hot vibe all of its own!
Thanks,
-paltego
Paltego, your concern that verbal humiliation could ‘curdle into a sour post play emotion’ is a very real, very serious, worry. It would be devastating during a serious bout of subdrop. There is the possibility that it could poison your enjoyment of kink and of play. At worst, it might even cause psychological trauma (especially if it touched on genuine self-esteem or abuse issues).
Part of the solution, part of making this ‘safe’ play, is the aftercare; the post-session reassurance that this was just a fun game, and that the Domme respects you. This has worked for me – and I usually ask for extreme verbal humilation.
Well – as I mentioned in another comment – this was mild, so I was playing it safe to start with. I’m definitely going to ease carefully into any future escalation and look for the aftercare as needed.
Thanks for the tips! Good to hear from someone already heavily into a particular kink.
-paltego