Podopheleus has written an excellent blog post on the importance of being true to yourself when sessioning with a pro-domme. Drawn from his own experiences and missteps, it has a bunch of good advice and is well worth a read.
My personal learning has been that it’s important to be clear in your own mind what aspects of the dynamic are negotiable and which aren’t. What you can’t negotiate you either need to make peace with or walk away from.
For example, the activities you do and the general dynamic of a scene should always be things you can discuss and adjust. If humiliation is a hard limit, then negotiate that up front. If a domme keeps sliding into that dynamic despite the discussed limit, it’s an easy call to walk away.
Where it gets trickier is around the more intangible elements – chemistry, style, intuition, empathy, etc. Those are things that you can’t negotiate. They’re an intrinsic part of a domme’s character and how she approaches her sessions. In a perfect word every submissive would be perfectly aligned with their dominant. In reality it’s a question of how much alignment there is and if you can live with the areas of misalignment. The mistake to avoid is being unhappy with parts of the dynamic, not recognizing those parts as being non-negotiable and then not being willing to walk away.
To pick a very prosaic example of my own: I played with a domme who took a pretty relaxed approach to timekeeping. I’m very punctual. She wasn’t. The first couple of times I was kept waiting for lengthy periods I was understandably annoyed. The third time it happened I realized that this was just how she conducted sessions. If I kept booking and kept getting annoyed by the same predictable behavior, that was then going to be on me, not her. I didn’t think it was something I could bring up with her. She obviously knew she was late and didn’t particularly care. So either I needed to come to terms with that and enjoy all the other great elements of our sessions or I should stop scheduling sessions. Starting off every session in a bad mood because I’d been stuck killing time in a local cafe for 45 minutes wasn’t helping anyone.
I’ve no idea what kind of image would best illustrate the themes of the post, so here’s something simply fun any eye catching!
I believe one of the themes or at least sub themes of your posts is that at some point, the submissive needs to just stop complaining. Muffling their complaints with a panty gag is one option.
It’s an interesting post. Makes me realize one of the challenges of being a pro domme and trying to please your clientele. Kudos to those who are sensitive to their customers needs. I couldn’t do it.
Diane
I have the utmost respect for anyone who has to deal with the general public and offer any kind of customer service. Like you, I couldn’t do it. I wouldn’t have the patient or the emotional strength for it. Particularly tough for sex workers, who often seem to attract the worst behaved men. And even for submissives who do behave, there’s still that question of chemistry and compatibility. Tough gig!
Thanks for commenting!
-paltego
Good post! So, what did you do with the Domme who was late (non-punctual)? Do you continue to see her, or is that a deal breaker? Once the session started, did she give you the alotted time? Did the finishing time extend to account for her tardiness at the beginning?
How did she notify you on when to arrive? It just seems awkward that you would have to sit in a cafe for 45 minutes waiting for her to be ready.
Inquiring minds want to know!
Celeste
I did continue to see here, although probably left often than I otherwise might have done. They were typically longer sessions anyway, with imprecise end times, so I didn’t think I ever felt short changed by the length of time. It was just the hassle and frustration of killing time to start that was always annoying. Had to make my peace with that. I wouldn’t have done for many other dommes.
Like a lot of dommes I’ve played with, she had a protocol for communication immediately prior to arriving at her space. I’ve played with a few where it was just a case of turning up and ringing the doorbell, but most I know like to do an email/text/call just before you get to that point.
Thanks for stopping by! Glad you liked the post.
-paltego
Just a quick thank you for you recent series of posts on people, relationships and femdom.
Glad you’ve enjoyed them! And thanks for taking the time to stop by and comment. I always appreciate that.
-paltego