I pose the question in the post’s title based on this thread by Dia Dynasty. She writes about a long term slave who abruptly ended their relationship via email. A fact which hurt and deeply disappointed her. It’s a sad situation, but one which I think raises the general question: What do we owe each other in that kind of relationship?
I’m specifically referring to a professional relationship which – thanks to its length and close nature – has developed beyond just a simple transaction. Obviously, in a non-professional context a kinky relationship is no different to breaking-up in any relationship. At least in terms of the need for compassion, understanding and respect. But how does the presence of a transactional element change things?
I don’t have a glib or easy answer. I just thought it was an interesting question to ponder. Maybe, for the little they’ll be worth, I’ll share some musings in a follow-up post.
This is Dia Dynasty, a wholistic femdom practitioner, based out of NYC. You can find her professional site here and her twitter feed here. She’s also the Matriarch of the Femdom Farm.
Great topic! By coincidence, there is a somewhat related article in the NY Times “modern love” section this week by a former(?) dominatrix on boundaries and the sharing of her name. Maybe useful in a follow-up post? Love your site and especially your thought pieces! (This is a “gift” link so should go past any pay wall if needed.) https://www.nytimes.com/2023/01/27/style/modern-love-sex-worker-bdsm-real-name.html?unlocked_article_code=CBDqlwuQIaVO8qdXhq8iNeZUt8zLAblgYyBKiOjaTygDs9S1XmRPEvaH9BJoANJv3rd_P9uuKSYu_sW3hYVUlLlDPxYcFf1uaAKXODwF2wTQOL5yGFnHjvaU-jRtRwCJQreLh11QZ15GY2TIxzzX85f27PoL_jeNbtPnhZjv9Tt1uqOAsS5Fll39zul-HhPq9F3IlsHTK9O1L9HGC0Ie6aLZaBu-q9-sIJYAUXmU1S9z_XpC6F0grFJB0UJCQV1IakHNoDl4JC8OWkIW_0ee31Nbyj7WQtJK8ufzDAAE6OupFjOgNI6cEUKDQC8jdir82D0o0Ra7srmclxw4NG3mfj6kZX7vwraeDyEFiFE&smid=share-url
Thanks for sharing the link. Interesting article and yes, worthy of a future post. I’ll tuck that away for lattter 🙂
Glad you’ve enjoyed the site. Thanks for reading!
-paltego
Owing to a deterioration in my health I decided at the end of last year to stop attending sessions and parties. It was as much because I had become unreliable, often having to cancel appointments on the day because I was unable to travel, than the actual health problem. I sent a reasonably long email to many of the people I play with which explained the position and thanked them for the fun I had had with them. However I sent a much longer email to the Mistress I had mainly been playing with for over 2o years and followed up with a phone call. I received some very kind and understanding emails back which proved my long held theory that when not whipping you etc most Mistresses are compassionate and concerned people.
Thanks for sharing that. Sorry to hear that your health has stopped you from continuing to play with your Mistress. I know from other comments you’ve shared here how long standing and meaningful that relationship was to you. Sounds like a very thoughtful way to handle the situation. I’m sure she appreciated it. As you suggest, empathy and compassion are definitely common traits among dommes.
Take care of yourself.
-paltego
Meh – it’s a professional relationship. At the end of the day that’s all it is. They’d want to charge to meet to say goodbye? That’s the answer.
I think that’s maybe a little cynical! I do agree that it’s a professional relationship, but it can also sometimes be that as well as something else. Challenge is knowing the value of that other part – if anything.
-paltego