I first came across this image via the Selina Minx tumblr. I can’t say I was a huge fan of the bondage. It’s very sloppy, and I’m not sure how it’ll progress into anything that’ll actually restrain. However, I did like the smiles, the casual attitude and the lack of fetish clothing. Encouraging kinky play that’s focused on fun and pleasure seems like a good thing. Unfortunately I then did the reverse image search and stumbled across several very annoying articles. I suspect this is a stock photograph and it has been used for a number of Cosmo ‘spice up your sex life’ articles. For example, this and this. These are almost always terrible. For example, here’s a quote from one of them on bondage…
Although in reality it’s wrong, in fantasies and role play, its significance is completely different. In the real world, restraining someone is assault or rape, even. In role play, in contrast, it signifies: “you’re so desirable that I can’t resist you. You have such power over me that I want you at all costs”. And for a woman, it can be very liberating.
It’s hard to know where to start with this. Yes, bondage can liberating, but for men as well as women, and on both sides of the knots. As for the rest? Words fail me. I don’t play in some fantasy world of magic and unicorns. I play in a reality of bondage, masochism and negotiated consent. The idea of someone being so desirable and irresistible that you want to tie them up whatever the cost is deeply troubling.
Roleplay can be a lot of fun. I’ve nothing against it. But it’s just one narrow slice of kink. Instead it often seems to be treated as all encompassing. That’s particularly true for the mainstream press, who treat BDSM as a subset of roleplay. Can’t we just tie people up and beat them for the sheer hell of it? I want to get fucked up by someone being themselves, not someone pretending to be someone or something else.
For fun with Cosmo you have to read The Pervocracy blog:
http://pervocracy.blogspot.com/2013/09/cosmocking-september-13.html
Yes, I love Cliff’s posts over at the Pervocracy blog. Always happy when I see a new cosmocking appear! Meant to mention it in this post and forgot, so thanks for highlighting it in this comment.
-paltego
Hi paltego!
Two things:
1) the “bondage” in the photo is obviously a joke. They are dressed in western gear, or western-esque gear. She’s putting the “cowboy” in a “lasso.”
Maybe you already knew that, it which case I sound like a jackass.
2) “That’s particularly true for the mainstream press, who treat BDSM as a subset of roleplay.”
I KNOW!!! A lot of people who don’t do BDSM seem to conceive of it this way. My old roommate, who is one of my only friends I was “out of the closet” with, couldn’t seem to wrap his VERY intelligent mind around BDSM. He told me once, “It’s all role-play. You couldn’t REALLY dominate a guy physically, because he could beat you up. He’s just faking it.”
They don’t get it.
Hi Miss Margo,
Yes, I kind of got the lasso thing, and I don’t think that precludes them turning it into real bondage. After all there’s plenty of roping and tying in a rodeo! But as you say, it’s clearly not too serious and I’m guessing it’s not going to end up with him hogtied on the floor! 🙂
As for the roleplay thing, I’ve had similar conversations with friends, and I’m not sure they’ve ever really grasped it. It’s really rare to see a good mainstream article or program that simple tackles sadomasochism or bondage on its own terms as a valid way to play. There’s always an implication that it’s some kind of improv-theater.
-paltego