A week or so ago I wrote a couple of posts on happy memories of dialog and sound effects from past sessions. I thought it’d be interesting to follow those up with a verbal interaction that didn’t go so well. This example is from a few years back. It’s rare that I have a bad memory of a session but this particular moment has stuck in my mind, partly because it seems so trivial. Odd for a small thing to make such a big difference to a dynamic.
It was my first session with this particular domme and part of it involved a whipping scene. I’m generally not a fan of doing whipping with someone I don’t know well, as the intensity levels can vary dramatically and it requires a certain amount of trust to relax into the headspace. However, I am a fan of being flexible and open to how a domme wants to compose a session, and so as long as it’s not a hard limit, I tend to go with the flow.
She had me tied facing a wall and the warm up period was relatively short. That already meant we had two strikes working against us. Not being able to see a domme, particularly when I’m playing with someone I don’t know well, always makes a scene harder. The pain becomes disconnected from the dynamic and simply becomes something to tolerate, rather than being channeled through my desire.
It wasn’t the most intense whipping I ever received, but it certainly wasn’t light. By the time we’d finished I was feeling pretty proud of myself for taking it all. At which point the domme said “Hmmm. Not bad I suppose. For a first attempt.”
That comment totally drained the energy out of the scene for me. Maybe it was intended as a combination of compliment and encouragement, but it had the opposite result. I felt like the scene had been set-up for failure, I’d powered through to make it work, and yet couldn’t even get a ‘Good Boy’ out of her. We didn’t play together again.
As I said at the start, it was a trivial thing. I’m sure the domme didn’t think anything of it. Yet for me, with the endorphins churning in the heightened emotions of subspace, it was a mood killer that I remember years later.
This is very much not the domme in question. Both her whip and her smile are a lot bigger than in my scene. I believe this is Mistress Ama K from the Latin Beauties in High Heels site. I’m not aware of a personal site for her.
Really interesting post, never been to a session with someone where there was a financial contribution involved (so jealous) but do wonder how my expectations/hopes would evolve.
I’m sure there’s multiple reasons why some sessions don’t gel, we’re you able to discuss after? Feedback is always valuable I’m sure? Regardless, I’m sorry it is something that you haven’t forgotten, but maybe helps you value the great sessions even more?
Interesting question about the ability to discuss after.
I think it’s hard to provide feedback, much as we want to. Both parties have put themselves out and been vulnerable, and I don’t want to pour any cold water on that. I do try to say what I really liked, but probably don’t say what I didn’t. I think it depends on whether I would like to play with her again, in which case I probably would what didn’t really work while really stressing what did. But if I don’t think I would see her again, I probably figure “why bother?” or “why get into it?”. You never know how that conversation may go.
I’m a big fan of the supportive, and dislike the worthless worm. But that’s just me.
Yes. That’s very much my approach as well.
If it’s someone I know well and have played with a lot then I’m comfortable giving feedback. That’s also a lot easier, as I’ll typically know the person well enough to be able to structure it in a positive way. Plus, it’s unlikely to be a major thing, given I’ve chosen to play with them repeatedly.
If it’s someone new to me, where I think there’s chemistry but some issues, then next time I’ll just try and emphasize the stuff that I really loved. That’s an easier way to tweak the dynamic.
If it’s someone new and I didn’t feel there was chemistry, then it’s easier to just move on. If I thought they were genuinely bad, there’s no good way to give that feedback to a relative stranger. And if they’re were fine but just not for me, then not playing again solves that for both of us.
It’s an interesting topic. As I mentioned in comment to DrewP, it’s probably worth writing a post on.
Thanks for stopping by to comment!
-paltego
I think it really depends on how I feel about the overall chemistry. If I think that’s good, but some stuff didn’t quite work, I’ll probably play again but steer it to the more positive things that work. I really want to be comfortable with someone before giving feedback.
For situations like this one, where there were actually a couple of other issues in addition to this specific one, I’ll chalk it up to experience and move on. AFAIK she’s the lady in question here is a successful and respected independent pro-domme, so she’s doing something right! I just her natural style doesn’t align with mine. And while we probably could figure out a way to make it work, I’d just prefer to look for a better natural alignment. Definitely true that the odd ‘meh’ session definitely does help me value the great session when everything clicks!
It’s an interesting discussion though. Probably worth a post of its own in the coming days.
Thanks for taking the time to comment.
-patlego
Words to remember:
“People ask for criticism, but they only want praise.” – W. Somerset Maugham
Cynical but sadly accurate.
-paltego