I was going to follow-up my previous post with some comments on my personal feelings about PDS (Public Displays of Dominance and Submission). However, as I started to write it, I realized I really wasn’t adding much to the debate. The rules on how a shared public space should be used are endlessly debatable and mutable.
So instead let me make a meta-point: Everyone stands on a slope. By which I mean there is no fixed point and stable surface from which to cast other opinions down. If you read the comments on the two articles I previously linked to (here and here) you’ll see a lot of de facto assumptions about what is appropriate behavior in public and what should be reserved for private spaces. The comment writers don’t seem aware that their universal truths are not universal at all. Unfortunately, if you hang out on BDSM forums and blogs, you’ll often see much the same attitude coming from the opposite direction.
This isn’t to say that there’s no right or wrong. Just that whatever position you adopt on any subject, be aware that you’re on a continuum. It’s still possible to draw lines and acceptable limits. Just don’t try and pretend that what you’ve chosen is somehow God given or universally accepted. Anyone arguing from that perspective instantly loses credibility.
After all that pontificating, let me make amends to my readers with some more leash shots. In this case they’re from The Properly Leashed Male tumblr and feature gentlemen being pulled by something a little more sensitive than a neck.
Love your blog, as always, but I’ll disagree that there is no right or wrong (I think you admit as much yourself). The relativist approach to morality seems to carry little weight in modern society as the sins of the past are dredged up and looked into. Call it Natural Law if you want.
PDS is different as it’s hard to determine exact rules on what is too overt for common acceptance. If the point is to shock/offend/involve the response of others,though, I’d say there’s a danger it’s too far and if it’s much more than a dog collar should be avoided.
You’re correct that there’s definitely a right and wrong, but incorrect that we disagree :). After all my 3rd paragraph begins with “This isn’t to say that there’s no right or wrong.”
The point I was trying to make (probably unclearly) wasn’t that there’s no line to be drawn. Any society has to draw lots of lines to define acceptable and unacceptable behavior. It’s that these lines are movable, negotiated and exist on a continuum. There’s no God given correct place to draw the line for all time.
For example, if you read the comment threads on the original two articles, there’s a lot of people describing their behavior as sexual play for the bedroom and not appropriate for the street. And they assert that fact as if it’s obvious and unarguable. Sexual play = bedroom. QED. But what about a couple kissing? Or a couple of kids making out (PG-13 style)? That’s sexual. In some countries, who draw a very different line on public behavior, that’d get you arrested. Even holding hands can be an issue in some places.
I think it’s fine to discuss where the line should be, and where certain behaviors fall relative to it. I just get annoyed when people act as if they’re not drawing a personal line, but are simply invoking some universal higher standard. Doing that removes the possibility of negotiation or discussion.
-paltego
Oh, and glad you love the blog. Thanks! That’s always nice to hear.
I’m sorry. I’m sure you wrote some very interesting thoughts in your blog post but the only thing I can think of is: “Is that illustrated position physically possible?” and “I wonder how I could rig that other position in my studio?” Time for some testing, methinks.
Oh, and re: public displays of dominance… I’m mostly against, much as I’m generally against any behavior in public that creates an uncomfortable, awkward, or nonconsensual intrusion on those already present, particularly if it’s a captive or semi-captive audience. This could be two teenagers using the park as a makeshift backseat, a misbehaving child in an adult-oriented (e.g. fine dining restaurant) or cautionary (e.g. airplane) space, or a demonstratively belligerent sports fan.
I’m gonna go back to thinking about how to rig that leash pic now….
As far as the position goes, it looks possible to me, but I’m sure you’ll have the definitive answer one way or another before long. If it does work it’ll be hell on the toes. I have to admit to spending a few minutes trying to simulate it after reading your comment, but couldn’t reach a definitive conclusion!
As for PDS, I’m generally with you on my dislike of making other people feeling awkward or uncomfortable in public. But then another part of me tends to think, isn’t that their problem? I think I’d differentiate between a child in a fine dining restaurant (where their screaming is provably detrimental to my enjoyment) and a pair of teenagers making out on a park bench (where I don’t have to look and my if I do my discomfort would seem to be my problem). On one hand I dislike people intruding into my space with their issues. On the other, I have an instinctive dislike of people trying to enforce a lowest common denominator of behavior across what should be a shared common space for everyone to enjoy. The principle of provable harm seems to be an operative one here.
-paltego