One of my guilty time wasting pleasures is reading Am I The Asshole on Reddit. It’s fun to sit in judgement on random strangers and boil complex situations down to one of the forums standard labels: NTA (Not The Asshole), YTA (You’re The Asshole), NAH (No Assholes Here) or ESH (Everyone Sucks Here).
I was reminded of it when reading this LA Time article on a relationship gone wrong thanks to undisclosed kinks. I’d say it’s clearly a case of ESH. The writer for being judgmental, snarky and unwilling to be GGG. Her ex for keeping his kinks quiet until months into the relationship and then dumping them all out. Both of them for bad communication.
I get that it’s pretty tough to share kinks when you’ve just started dating, but pushing the reveal out by months can never be a good plan. If they are potentially kinky then better to start communicating and having fun together sooner. If it’s a deal-breaker then there’s no need to waste everyone’s time. And, if you’re hoping someone’s need to maintain a relationship will persuade them to do things they don’t really want to, then YTA.
From the article it seemed like the sub was a fan of latex and fetishwear. So here’s an image in honor of that.
I found on an old tumblr site. From hunting around I believe that is the German domme Patrizia Von Bergfeld.
Many years ago when Usenet was still a thing, I remember reading a post from a guy who said that he laid out his kink/fetish stuff on the third date. That way, neither of them wasted a lot of time in a relationship that was bound to not work out.
Yes, that seems about right. I think Mistress Matisse also suggested that kind of timeline. Late enough that you’ve gotten to know the person a bit and think it’s worth sharing. Not so late that you waste their time. Not that I date frequently enough to be a source of expertise here! 🙂
-paltego