Kink Academy has a decent article here on what to do – or not do – when a scene goes wrong. The basic message is communicate, don’t blame and don’t forget the aftercare. All solid suggestions.
One ‘don’t’ that I’d add to that list, particularly for dommes, is don’t get angry. Faux anger in the context of a roleplay is obviously fine. I’m talking about losing your cool because the equipment isn’t working, or the subs body will not cooperate with the position or you can’t get the rope just the way you want it. I totally understand the desire to get mad in these situations. I curse like a sailor if some fiddly thing I’m trying to do isn’t working out. However, in a scene that’s all about the giving and taking of control, a domme that loses her own self-control is a red flag for me. I want her to be in charge, not her temper. If she can’t control that, then I don’t feel comfortable with her controlling me.
While I’m sure many dommes would love to grab particularly annoying submissives by the throat, this isn’t a recommended approach to resolving issues in a scene. I dug this image up via on an old tumblr archive, but some research took me to it’s source – a staging of Märta Tikkanen’s book ‘Men cannot be raped’.