I always enjoy analyzing the dynamics of BDSM play. How it works and how actions map into emotions. It’s an infinitely complex space and I’m sure everyone reacts to it differently. However, after playing earlier this week, it struck me that there are three main styles of interaction in the majority of my sessions: Pain, pleasure and comfort.
Pain is an expected part of BDSM. It’s the needle to the nipple, the cane to the inner thigh. Pleasure is also an easily understandable aspect. It’s the pressure of a vibrator or a gentle pegging. The third and final component, comfort, is the hardest to describe. It’s the soothing hand to the cheek or a murmured word of praise. It’s what calms me down when the pain begins to build and helps anchor me when my stress levels rise.
The dynamic can shift rapidly between these three themes, and I find it particularly interesting how that affects the connection between myself and the domme. I think most non-kinky people would assume that pleasure would bring you closer to someone and pain would push you away. Yet for me it’s very much the opposite. The pain elevates the domme in my eyes, making her the center of my world, and the comfort draws me to her. The interplay between the two is a very powerful and attractive one. In contrast the pleasure sends me into myself and weakens our connection. That’s not to say I don’t enjoy it or appreciate it. Just that it has a simpler, baser appeal, that’s much more about me than it is about us.
When it comes to femdom porn, it’s normally big on the pain and pleasure, less on the comfort. This shot seems a happy exception. Judging by his red marks he’s certainly experienced the pain part.
I found this one the adore femdom tumblr. The originally site has sadly ceased to exist.
I love the photo, but have a problem too. Look where the marks are. They are high up on his right buttock, almost to the hip. Virtually nothing on the meat of his ass. I find this a common occurence among inexperienced newbie dommes. They don’t seem to know where the ass is, and strikes that high up and off-center are usually not “fun” pain. I’d love your thoughts.
I wouldn’t automatically assume that this is a newbie domme thing. Not saying it couldn’t be, particularly given she is young and I know this site used non-professional dommes for shoots. But the definition of ‘fun’ pain varies. Lydia always enjoys beating me around the shoulder blades, which I find very painful, but she certainly finds it fun! Similarly I’ve been beaten with evident glee around the hips, which sure as hell hurt, but I did enjoy how much the domme enjoyed my reaction to it 🙂
-paltego
Hi Paltego:
This is a beautiful shot. It communicates real tenderness between sub and Domme. You don’t often see that.
Hey hmp,
Glad you liked it. And yes, it’s a rare thing to see in femdom images, although common in real play. I was happy to stumble across it to illustrate this particular post.
-paltego