I recently watched Sick: The Life & Death of Bob Flanagan, Supermasochist. It’s a documentary detailing Bob’s life as a writer, performance artist and sexual submissive masochist. What made him particularly extraordinary was that he suffered from cystic fibrosis, a disease that normally kills people before they reach their mid 20’s. He died age 43, making him one of the worlds longest lived suffers from it.
If you’ve never seen it I’d urge you to rush out and get a copy. I thought it was an extraordinarily moving film. I’m not ashamed to say I cried a little at the end. I also think it captures some aspects of masochism, submission and D/s better than any other film I’ve seen. Using a fairly standard documentary format, cutting interviews of friends and family into home movie footage, it paints a very frank and honest picture of his life with his partner and mistress Sheree Rose.
This is actually the second time I’ve seen the film. I first saw it over 10 years ago, before I’d gotten physically involved in BDSM, and I remember being fairly horrified at some of the SM activities they did. Now I look at the footage and think “Yes, done that. Loved that. Oh play piercing, that’s fun. Drinking piss, done that…..” I’ve never actually nailed my cock to a board as Bob does at one point in the film, but my sense of ‘normal’ has clearly shifted.
There’s some attempt in the film, particularly by his parents, to tie his early childhood experiences with his illness to his kinkiness. I understand that desire to look for a cause and effect, but it seems to be misplaced. The vast majority of kinky guys don’t have major childhood trauma and medical procedures. I think he was someone with cystic fibrosis who happened to be kinky. The one clearly influences the other, but it seems misplaced to think of it as a cause.
Two quotes really stuck with me. The first from Bob was near the start of the movie. The second is from Sheree and was towards the end when he was getting very sick.
People don’t think of the masochist as being a strong person. The stereotype that the masochist is sniveling and weak is actually not true. The masochist has to know his or her own body perfectly well and be in full control of their body, in order to give control to somebody else or to give control to pain. So the masochist is actually a very strong person.
Bob Flanagan
I don’t even think he’s a masochist anymore. I think life has beaten him down too much. The pain he lives with every day is so intense that there isn’t any other kind of pain that he can even think about right now.
Sheree Rose
I certainly agree with the first quote, and I think the second helps emphasize the same point. Being a masochist (or submissive) doesn’t mean being a needy person or someone who has no control over their life. You need control and a strong sense of self in order to successfully gift that to another. By the end he’d lost that, the disease was taking over and he could no longer give away power. His body and its sickness had already stolen it.
The movie is available on DVD from amazon. You can read Roger Ebert’s review of it here.
Update: Scott of Mrs Kelly’s Playhouse was actually friends with Bob in the early 90’s. He’s left a lengthy comment on this post describing some of his memories of Bob. My thanks to Scott for that additional information.
Hi paltego,
I was actually a friend of Bob’s about twenty years ago, meeting him about the same time I met Em. In fact it was at Beyond Baroque, a long-lived poetry workshop, that Bob was moderating, that Em and I met.
Bob spoke directly about the link between having CF and consciously exploring his masochistic tendencies. He alluded to his inability as a kid to compete with his male classmates in sports that he turned to BDSM as a theatre in which he could excel. All his life he suffered great pain from CF and often had to be rushed to the hospital in order to deal with traumatic effects of the disease such as collapsed lungs. Enduring excruciating pain, he figured, was something he knew about. As a young teen he fixated on the pleasure his penis afforded him as a strategy for coping with pain.
He was a brilliant guy, very honest, and funny. He had wanted to be a stand-up comedian so many of his extreme performance art events were laced with humor and irony.
He was very encouraging to me at a time when I was redefining myself and beginning examine my long-supressed sexuality.
Bob and Sheree, his widow and partner in crime, were powerful and charismatic mentors who helped me understand the underlying meaning and importance of the powerful needs and urges that had burst forth after I suffered a series of emotional traumas in mid-life.
Don’t overlook the ReSearch Publication, Bob Flanagan: Super Masochist. It is a detailed review of his amazing life.
After Bob died at the beginning of 1996, Em and I lost touch with Sheree but we’ve very recently reconnected.
Once while attending an exhibit of Bob’s art pieces and recorded performances, I had a conversation with a mature and conservative art collector who had stumbled into the museum at the suggestion of someone who knew Bob’s work. The collector told me that he’d never seen anything like Bob’s work, work that turned what he would have typically classed as porn into deeply emotional and transforming experiences. Bob had gotten under his skin.
Thanks for this especially meaningful post. It’s moving to see that Bob still touches the lives of people so long after his passing.
Best,
scott
Mrs. Kelly’s Playhouse
Hey scott,
This is why I love the internet so much. I watch an amazing movie about an incredibly guy, and then find out someone I’ve been swapping comments with for months was actually friends with him. That’s kind of surreal.
Thanks a lot for all the extra detail you’ve provided in this comment. Nice to hear the guy you knew aligned with how he came across in the movie. It seemed a very frank and honest portrayal, but it’s good to get it confirmed from an independent source. I’m going to update the post to point people specifically at your comment. Also thanks for the pointer to the ReSearch book. I’ve just ordered it. I have a few of their other books, but didn’t realize they had one on him.
It’s not a movie I’d want to watch often. It’s too painful for that. But it made a big impression when I first saw it 10 years ago, and this second viewing, particularly in light of my better understanding of myself and my masochism, will again stay with me for a long time.
-paltego