If there’s ever an attempt to assign kinks to places, findomme would be a shoe in (ahem) for Beverly Hills. There’s money, high fashion and an endless number of elegant, well dressed women shoppers whose natural resting expression is disdainful. At least, that was my observations from a day’s shopping there. Even the assistants at the boutiques tend to a bratty ‘Are you sure you’re in the right place … Sir’ attitude. It’s fun.
It made me wonder what the correlation is between findomme fans and wealth. I’m confident if you plotted interest in things like bondage or foot worship against wealth there would not be a high correlation. The idea that male submissives skew to powerful successful types is a stupid cliche that always bugs me. However, if someone has linked money to kink, that does suggest some sort of correlation. Is that often down to a wealthy background? Or is it the opposite? A lack of money causing it to become a totemic artifact? Are there more or less than the average number of findomme fans around areas like Beverly Hills? It’s not a kink I’ve ever been attracted to, so I lack an intuition for it.
This image is from a 1987 fashion shoot of Cindy Crawford and Paulina Porizkova by Richard Avedon.
I have never understood findomme although obviously over the last 48 years I have paid a considerable amount of money to Mistresses. I’ve always viewed the fees I’ve paid as similar to the money I would pay for another hobby. For example I could pay a similar amount to attend a Premier League football match or for membership and round fees for golf. I consider being spanked, thrashed, pegged and tied up as considerably more fun than either of the alternatives above.
It’s hard to tell with findomme if it’s genuinely a kink a lot of people have or is it’s popularity massively distorted by findommes posting all over social media? I’m sure it’s a thing for some subs, because everything is a thing for someone! Just tough to get a handle on it’s real popularity.
Like you I’ve no issue with paying money to pro-dommes, but the payment part is the least fun bit of the whole experience 🙂
-paltego
I’ve sessioned RT with many pro dommes, and I’ve also done findom — findom more in the last ten years or so. I used to rail against it. I think I wrote something on MF years ago attacking it on all these levels. I guess it must have touched a nerve of some kind back then and then that made it something I’d seek out in some form. It’s a very psychological kink, and in the hands of the right person it almost has a crack-cocaine like intensity. There are dommes who play intentionally, and who are very good. It’s a huge mindfuck, but it can also be unhealthy in all the obvious ways. Go to Reddit and look up the various support groups there.
The middle-finger raised “fuck you pay me” instadommes dominate the internet and probably attract a lot of newcomers, but many if not most pro dommes who have an online presence practice it in some way. I think the key is for it to be done within a specifically BDSM context, whether that’s SSC, RACK, etc. If someone doesn’t identify in some way as a sadomasochist and doesn’t have RT experience, I would avoid them.
Thanks for sharing. Interesting that you were against it initially, but then found discovered it pushed really intense button for you. I guess I’ve had a few kinks that developed like that, so maybe that shouldn’t be so surprising. Will check out Reddit for some background context. Given the intensity you describe, not surprising it can also be dangerous.
I’m now tempted to ask all the dommes I play with in person if they do findomme as well. Not because I want to indulge but I’m curious what the overlap would be. The instadommes you mention tend to overwhelm the online discourse and muddy the waters.
Thanks again for stopping by to comment
-paltego