Site Updates

I’ve added three new blogs to the blogroll on the right.

From Vanilla to Kinky features Cleo and Marc writing about the gradual evolution of their vanilla marriage into a female led relationship.

Lady Anna List is a professional and lifestyle Mistress based in Bradford, UK. She writes about both her personal and professional life in a candid, straightforward and humorous style. She’s also got one of the most impressive medical set-ups I’ve seen (although Lady Annisa could perhaps give her a run for her money).

Mistress Keene’s Dominant Thoughts is pretty much exactly what it says it is. Mistress Keene is a dominant woman based in Norfolk UK (not a million miles from where I used to live), who works as a pro-domme. Like Lady Anna she’s not someone to pander to the traditional ice-queen femdom stereotype, or the submissive men are worthless worms approach.

I am a PD who also really likes submissive men. I don’t want to belittle them, degrade them, emasculate them and treat them as children, animals or anything but grown men who I do respect. However, like and respect them as I may I do want to control them and I often want to hurt them.
Mistress Keene

That’s my favorite kind of domination. I always want to be treated me like a mature, intelligent adult. But that doesn’t preclude restraining me and making me scream in pain.

In other site updates, I’ve also cleaned up the Femdom Image page, dropping dead links and re-categorizing some sites. I’ve added two new tumblr links, to In a Humbler and the minimally named Me.

The image for this post comes courtesy of the In a Humbler tumblr. I’m afraid I don’t have an original attribution.

Smoke And Strap-on

Serenity

After all the long, argumentative and wordy recent posts, I thought a return to a little visual loveliness might be in order.

These three images caught my eye for a number of reasons. She’s obviously very beautiful. I love the contrasting black of the lingerie and hair, with her delicate skin tone and slash of red lips. I also like the setting. Warm woods and fabrics make a nice change from dungeon drabness. But that really grabbed me was her serene expression. She’s not aloof or cold, just calm, composed and in control.

Mistress with kneeling slave
Mistress flogging bound slave
Mistress pegging bound slave

I found these on the Gorean Karirus tumblr site.

Masochist vs Fetishist vs Submissive

My recent couple of posts on pro-dommes and D/s dynamics (here and here) got me thinking once again about categorization. I’ve posted on this in the past, most recently here, but the pro-domme angle got me thinking about it in a slightly different way. As the post title suggests, I’m defining three basic groupings.

Masochists are internal. They’re focused on their own sensations and headspace. In an activity like a caning they enjoy the sharp impact against their flesh, the imperceptibly delayed rush of pain and the flood of endorphins that result. They find their fulfillment by looking inwards.

In contrast fetishists are external. They find satisfaction in physical objects, materials and activities. Typically people think of a fetish as targeting a material like leather or an object like high heels, but I think an activity can be equally fetishized. To continue the caning example, a fetishist might enjoy the ceremony of it. The click of the mistresses high heels as she circles behind him. The cut-off view of the her legs and feet as she takes positions. The warm-up swish. The rhythmic delivery of each strike. He find fulfillment in experiencing the external thing he fetishizes.

Submissives are all about taking the internal and making it external. They want to take things they normally control, key parts of their self-autonomy, and put them into the hands of someone else. Kinky acts or equipment are just tools to aid or emphasize this exchange. For a submissive a caning isn’t simply about the act or the pain. It’s about the dominant taking over his internal sensorium. Using pain to block even his internal thought processes. It’s that moment when the dominant pauses and then says with a smile “I think maybe 6 more.” That beautiful moment of decision about the submissive but not by the submissive.

There three groups are of course overlapping. I think a lot of non-dominant kinky males would identify to some degree with all of them. I’d typically not describe myself as a fetishist, but I still appreciate an exciting latex outfit or a striking pair of shiny leather boots. I think they key to figuring our your primary kinky wiring is to contemplate which of them you could do without. That really help crystallize the “nice bonus to have” against the “this is fundamentally who I am”.  Personally, when I think about it in those terms, it’s clear that I’m primarily submissive. I could be dominated painlessly by a woman in sweatpants and still find it hot. Conversely, extreme sensations and a dungeon full of kinky gear would be no fun at all without the added element of control.

The reason I started thinking about these groupings in connection with pro-dommes is that these three categories represent three different types of client. That fact becomes self-evident when you look at posts on pro-domme discussion forums. Some people fixate on their internal sensations, some on the appearance or activities they enjoy and some on the dynamic they’re looking for.

This leads to a lot of confusion. For one thing they’re all called professional dominants, where in some specific cases professional sadist or professional fetish fantasy fulfiller might be a more appropriate title. For another thing their clients don’t typically make these kind of distinctions either. Both a pain junky and a foot fetishist might call themselves submissive, keying off the ‘domme’ part of the name. I guess it’s therefore not surprising that discussions of power, control and desire get particularly complicated in this area.

As a final comment, I will note that the key to my own understand of where I fall in the above categories has come from playing with pro-dommes. If you’d asked me five years ago about my sexual wiring I’d have never described myself as a submissive. Instead, once I’d finished blushing,  I’d have described the external fetish elements – kinky clothes and activities. The things I saw in traditional BDSM images and videos. It was only when I started playing for real that I started understanding and appreciating the critical importance of the D/s dynamic. That’s something that I think is very hard to grasp when your relationships are vanilla and all your kink comes via porn.

Once again, this is yet another post where I’m somewhat at a loss to think of an appropriate illustrating image. So I’ll just go with one I happened to find recently and like.

Strap-onI came across this one on the Finally & Finally tumblr site.

Sensual Pegging

A lot of pegging shots are quite aggressive. Pegging portrayed as an act of dominance. Given my kinky wiring I’m obviously happy to enjoy it in that way, but now and again it’s nice to think of it as a more intimate sensuous act. This shot makes puts me in that kind of mood. She’s so languid. It makes me want to cuddle.

Relaxed mistress with strap-on I found this on the appropriately named Sensual Pegging tumblr site.

Some times its a discomfort within the ass

I get a lot of random spam posted to the comments on this blog. They are mostly useless rubbish, but occasionally the odd one makes me smile. I was particularly impressed with a recent example that claimed I’d been specially chosen and that I just need to fill in a form to make the link from their junky random page permanent. It takes a special kind of nerve to turn a bogus link from a spam farm into some sort of prize.

However, the one I came across today takes the comedic prize. Bad translations are rife, with many channeling the spirit of 1980’s Japanese electronics manuals, but this one managed to get lucky and almost match my blog content.

Some times its a discomfort within the ass to read what weblog owners wrote but this internet web site is actually user genial !

I’m flattered that they think I’m user genial. While a discomfort within the ass sounds painful, in the right hands it can be kind of fun. For example, I give you the following two images.

PeggingPegging

That looks like my kind of discomfort. The first one I found on Pegtastic tumblr site and the second on the Confession of a sex addict tumblr site.

Poking the piñata

Here’s a pretty cool suspension rigging. He’s hanging in a nicely tied bundle, available to be swung back and forth as needed, with a perfectly positioned posterior. Unfortunately he’s not looking too happy about it. In contrast she’s obviously enjoying herself, smiling with just a touch of lip curling sneer mixed in. Her boots aren’t in the more traditional/cliched (strike whichever you prefer) domme style, but they fit this prison like setting nicely. I’m guessing no matter how much she beats on this piñata no candy is going to be falling out, but that’s not going to stop her trying.

Suspension With Strap-OnI found this on the snail meilk site, but it’s obviously originally from the men in pain site.

Tenderness

Here’s another piece of artwork that caught my eye, with once again a distinct shift in style and color from the previous days post.

The depiction of a submissive wearing a chastity device while simultaneously being penetrated by a strap-on is a fairly commonly one. The additional emphasis it places on the dominants sexual control and power has an obvious appeal. However, this image struck me as showing an usually tender scene. Despite the manacles, fetish wear and padlocked cock cage, there’s a real sense of tenderness and vulnerability. She looks like she’s more likely to whisper sweet nothings in his ear than call him a slut. Which I personally think would be a definite improvement from the usual cliched domme pillow talk that often gets scripted in these scenarios.

Strap-on and chastity deviceI found this on the True Servitude tumblr site, which contains a lot of hentai images of various fetishes

Combo Deal

Here’s a lucky submissive getting a three for one combo deal, with bondage, hot wax and strap-on play all served up simultaneously. I believe that’s the beautiful Mistress Jayden wielding the wax and sporting the strap-on.

Personally I’ve found hot wax play to be kind of relaxing, a little like a massage treatment. Once I calibrate myself to the initial sharp pain of the drips, the trickling warmth can be soothing. The subsequent scraping it off of hairy skin with a large blunt knife, less so.

Wax play with strap-onThis is from the K is for Kink site.

The conundrum of animated gifs

I’m typically not a fan of animated gifs on my front page. The constant flickering motion is distracting and aesthetically displeasing. They also make the page slow to load and burn big chunks of my bandwidth. However, they can also be kind of fun. They’re ideally suited for endless teasing shots where final satisfaction is never quite achieved.

To square this particular circle I’m going to publish static stills that link to the relevant tumbr posts with the full gif. So just click on the images below to see the animated originals. I particularly like the middle/left shot with the dripping cock. She looks delighted with her leaky toy.

Riding his face

Dripping cockMilking with high heel

Pegging

Pleased to see me

I thought this was an interesting shot for its naturalistic depiction of a strap-on. It’s a lot subtler that the usual brandishing and waggling at the camera I often see.

The site it’s from isn’t even a femdom one. It seems to follow more in the style of Japanese futanari videos. I’m by no means an expert on these, as they’re not really my thing, but from what I’ve seen they typically feature lesbian scenes where the women use the strap-ons as if they were real cocks. They wear them under clothes, make them ejaculate and try to hide their fake nature as much as possible. As a genre it seems to occupy an odd middle ground between lesbian porn and transgender porn (both mostly aimed at straight men). Of course, as you might expect, the Japanese videos typically seem to feature a lot of demure schoolgirls being led astray, where the Western version looks a lot more explicit and aggressive.

In general I find the design of strap-ons and their depictions in porn to be curious. There’s obviously a wide-range of designs out there, from the ultra-realistic to the very abstract, but the majority occupy a sort of odd middle ground, both cock and not cock. They take elements of the natural appendage (ridges, shape of the head, some hint of veins), but shy away from anything that looks too realistic. It’s as if they want to carry across some of the mental associations people have, without at the same time causing guys to freak out about being fucked by a ‘real’ dick.

Tucked in strap-onI found this on the Pegtastic tumblr site. It’s originally from the strap-on cum site.