The beauty of dominant women
Continuing the pegging theme from the previous post with an image that made me smile. There’s a lot going on in those two expressions. I also like her relaxed confident pose in comparison to his nervous and slightly tentative stance. It’s got a real predator/prey vibe to it.
This is obvious from the Strapon Dreamer site.
I’m always interested to read mainstream descriptions of kinky behavior. When you spend a lot of time reading sex blogs it’s easy to get blasé about all sorts of activities. Seeing it filtered through a vanilla perspective can help illuminate how other perceptions might differ.
Take for example the article from yesterday’s post featuring the unfortunate domme who was arrested for needle play. It’s not particularly judgmental (compared to some of these articles), but it still talks about drawing blood, sticking needles into genitals and suturing. I can imagine most vanilla people, and quite a few kinky ones, reading that and going “Ewww! That’s crazy. What kind of insane masochist would do that?” Yet I’ve done all those things, and they don’t really hurt that much *. I’d say an old fashioned caning is way more painful. Hell, smashing my toe in the dark into the corner of the kitchen table is more painful. Familiarity normalizes them.
It’s also a good example of the importance of language. Call it play piercing and it sounds relatively innocuous. Play isn’t exactly a scary word and lots of people get decorative piercings these days. Describe it as needle play and the intensity ramps up a little. Describe it as needles stuck into genitals and it sounds nuts. I touched on a similar theme with respect to the idea of sadism a couple of weeks ago, and it’s a concept that applies pretty broadly in BDSM. Spanking sounds fun and lighthearted. Corporal punishment not so much. Breath play is innocuous next to asphyxiation or smothering. Would you rather say you were pegged or that you were anally penetrated with a dildo? And talking of which…
I found this on the Pegging with a Smile tumblr. I’m afraid I’ve no original source for it.
* One possible exception to the “don’t hurt that much” comment is suturing. It’s OK if you use hypodermic needles to pass the thread through the skin (as I experienced here), but using a genuine suturing needle hurts like hell (as described here).
I find it amusing that I happened to start writing posts on negotiation just when our glorious political leaders in Washington DC decided to give such a fine example of how badly it can be done. I can only imagine somebody up there must have forgotten the safeword. It’s certainly doesn’t seem to be Safe, Safe or Consensual from this perspective.
I had a couple of follow-up thoughts from yesterday’s post. One came from a comment by Pat, who suggested that ‘Keep it honest’ should have been on my list. I very much agree. There’s nothing to be gained from exaggerating experience or being overly optimistic about limits and abilities. I’d rather start at 70% and enjoy pushing towards 100% than start at 110% and have to stop the action and ask to scale back.
My other thought was on the topic of negotiating with a familiar domme. Yesterday’s post was mostly about dealing with a new relationship, but what happens when you’ve got a few scenes under your (leather) belt? What’s the best way to handle a scene negotiation? Well, this might seem like crazy talk, but I’ve found asking the domme how she prefers to structure it works pretty well. I know it’s odd to give the domme control, but somehow it seems to work for me.
Just as there’s a wide variety of play styles in scenes, I’ve also found there’s a wide variety of negotiation styles. Some dommes, once they know you, are happy to structure the session with minimal input. My last few sessions with Cynthia Stone in LA were that type. I was comfortable letting her do that and she certainly had no shortage of ideas to try out on me. With others I might give a single area or idea for them to riff on. That’s the approach Lydia and I use for our sessions. Typically it’s just a single theme per session and she elaborates on it, blending in other ideas and activities as she likes. Other dommes prefer a more detailed negotiation, with a more specific list of activities they can pick from. That works fine for me as well.
Ultimately this ties back to one of my original points about playing as much as possible with the same domme(s). How to negotiate a scene is in itself something that can be discussed and negotiated between the participants. But before doing that we need to already have a good understanding on the basic stuff (limits, interests, triggers, etc.), and that only comes with familiarity.
I wasn’t really sure what image would be appropriate for this post, so I thought I’d return to the subject of my opening paragraph for inspiration. In both cases somebody is getting fucked. It’s just that for the couple below, it’s the fun kind of fucked.
I found the image on the Pegging with a Smile tumblr. Unfortunately I’ve been unable to track down an original source.
I thought I’d finish my trio of artwork posts with an image from Kami Tora. On the face of it, with that enormous pink dildo, this looks like a typically stylized and over the top bit of femdom artwork. I really like Kami Tora’s work, but exaggeration is part and parcel of his style. However, the funny thing is, there are probably a few guys out there for whom this would not be a completely crazy insertion. For example, check out this animated gif or this one. I’m constantly amazed what a lot of lube, years of practice and a kinky dedication to stuffing enormous objects up your butt can achieve.
I just completed a fabulous couple of hours of breathplay with Lady Lydia. It’s strange how powerful an effect that type of session creates. I love many other things, but nothing pushes me as fast and as deep into subspace as breathplay. I typically zone out in the first few minutes. There’s such a sense of intimacy and connection about it. Not to mention the very powerful and primal gestures involved in one person cutting off the oxygen of another.
One of the aspects I particularly like is the ability to look at the dominant as it happens. I find myself focusing on her eyes, the world narrowing down to just the two of us. Normally a long shared look indicates either a challenge (staring someone down) or deep affection (gazing into each others eyes). In contrast submission is often associated with averting a gaze and looking downwards. Yet in this kind of play the shared looks work as a means of communicating acknowledgement and acceptance. There’s no mediation or indirection. It says – “I’m here. I’m with you. I see you. I choose to do this to you/accept it from you.”
The image below is a pegging shot rather than a breathplay one, but it seemed appropriate. I chose it for the looks they’re exchanging and that sense of connection and tenderness.
The image is originally from the Strapon Dreamer site. I found it via the At her Feet tumblr.
This is less of a post and more of a pointer to an animated gif on tumblr. It features a vigorous pegging and a woman clearly enjoying herself. That’s a description that could be applied to a million similar tumblr animations, but what caught my eye here was her expression just after he orgasms. It’s a great half smile – partly rueful, partly amused and with a hint of ‘Now look what you’ve done!’
I reblogged this to my tumblr to make sure it sticks around, but I found it via the Pegging with a Smile site (which has a magnified version).
Apologies for the lack of posts and comment responses in the last couple of days. Unfortunately I’ve been incapacitated with a screwy back. After years of being beaten, whipped, pierced and generally abused, it was a golf club that did for me. Or more accurately, my swinging of a golf club in a non-optimal fashion. One overly eager hip rotation landed me horizontal on the couch for two days with an icepack and a Firefly series DVD boxset. So safety tip of the week is stick to the whips and chains and steer clear of the Pings and plus fours.
I’m still having trouble sitting or standing for any length of time, so the next few posts will probably be short and sweet, relying on my image grab bag of fun shots. Here’s a perfect example of the type. Don’t know who it is, or where it’s from, but it’s hard not to like it. Two thumbs up indeed.
As I said, I don’t have an attribution for this, so feel free to leave a comment if you can help with that. I found it on the Pegging With a Smile tumblr.
Tonight was a happy resumption of a long running tradition – my sessions with Lydia. Thanks to adjacent travel schedules it has been a month or so since we last got together. It was a very pleasurable (in a painful way) evening. Many clamps, clips and canes were deployed, resulting in much moaning and growling.
The image below isn’t really related to the session, other than both feature beautiful red heads. But right now I just want to relax and enjoy my endorphins rather than write posts. So if you’ll excuse me I have a date with my couch and a fine cocktail originally invented for a Mr. Ernest Hemingway.
This great image was created by the artist i-have-a-hunger. I found it via Yumine Guo’s Storyland tumblr.
Given the length of the last few posts, I’ll keep this one short and pithy. The quote of the day is:
Anyone who thinks a woman who’s being paid to cane and sodomize people is vulnerable and exploited? Has never caned and sodomized anyone.
That’s from the twitter feed of Mistress Matisse. Feel free to discuss that amongst yourselves.
I was hoping to finish with an image featuring both a cane and a strap-on. Unfortunately I couldn’t find anything I liked, so I’ll double down with an image for each. In both cases the ladies in question seem to be tending less to the exploited and more to the happy.
The first image has had the watermark annoyingly chopped, but I believe it’s from Young Dommes. I found it on the Who’s Sorry Now tumblr. The second image is from the Strapon Dreamer site. I found it on the Pegging with a Smile tumblr.
I’m taking a few days vacation up in the fine city of Vancouver, BC. As usual I plan to indulge in some kinky fun and fine food. Hopefully both parts of the plan will work out well, but posting may become a touch erratic in the meantime.
While I unpack my suitcase and inspect the minibar, I’ll leave you with another gentleman enjoying some preparation and anticipation. It’s originally from the CBT and Ball Busting site, but I found it on Freya’s Fancy tumblr.
