Beginners Beware

Enlisting a domme to write an articles on kinks and fetishes is a common technique these days to attract a few clicks with some titillating content. They tend to vary from blandly boring through to offensive kink shaming, with just the occasional interesting gem. Sadly, this one from Metro, written by Miranda Kane, is no gem. It starts off with a kink shaming title, before veering into the stupid and dangerous. Specifically this part on CBT…

But beginners can’t go wrong with investing in a pinwheel (…) and urethral sounding rods (which are metal sticks that go in the pee-hole).

Urethral sounding rods for beginners? I’m not sure you could pick something less suitable for CBT for beginners. I guess scrotal inflation? A crown of thorns?

Urethral sounds are a super specialized toy. They’re very intimidating for a lot of people. They require a particular technique to use, so you don’t risk tearing any delicate internal tissue. If you’re not careful about handling and sterilizing them, there’s a risk of introducing bacteria into the urethra and getting an infection. Not to mention, as a sensation they’re not even that tortuous, so not really CBT at all. I always enjoy experiencing them, and think they’re worth exploring for those with a bit of kinky experience, but they’re not for anyone wanting to torture their first cock.

How about clothespins? Or a little slappy paddle? Or just pinching and biting? There are about a thousand ways to try out CBT at lower cost and lower risk.

This is Clair Adams in a shoot with Nomad for kink.com. I think this counts as the super advanced CBT class – an electrified urethral sound. Definitely one of the more unique sensations I’ve ever experienced.

Negotiation in the moment

Miss Margo recently put up a post that got me thinking about scene negotiation. The original post was about a complete absence of negotiation and a bad domme acting non-consensually. I’m not going to talk about that particular angle, as I’ve nothing really to add. If you’re destroying trust and traumatizing your play partners, as seemed to be the case Miss Margo describes, then clearly things are pretty fucked up. Instead I want to look at it from a more positive point of view: How do people negotiate consent effectively within a scene?

Obviously it’s always good to establish limits and boundaries before clothes come off and the whips come out. But it’s not always possible to cover every possible option. A scene is a fluid thing, with an energy of its own. Most people don’t want to script out exactly what will happen. So how do deal with the unknowns and getting consent when rope is flying? I’ve personally experienced 3 general approaches from dommes…

  1. Assume consent, but go slowly with check-ins, and give the submissive plenty of time to stop the action if they’re uncomfortable.
  2. Get consent by asking the question, but do so very much in the context and mood of the scene. I remember one time being asked in a very sultry voice – “Are all these holes mine to fuck?” An affirmative response in that case led to a set of urethral sounds appearing.
  3. Mentally step away from the scene and pose the question in a very straightforward way. This is a big gear change, pulling everyone back into the pre-scene negotiation mood, before switching back into the scene dynamic. In this case the domme might pose the question as “Hey. Quick timeout. It just occurred to me we could incorporate X. Would that be OK, or would you rather not do that?”

I’m sure a lot of people would frown on (1), but I do understand the thinking behind it. In fact it’s the same thinking as (2). It’s trying to maintain the dynamic of the scene. Dommes want to walk the line between negotiation and maintaining the submissive headspace they’ve spent time creating. Sadly, while I understand the desire to do this, I think it’s a big mistake. The right way to go for me is always (3).

In a scene the submissive is typically predisposed to try and obey instructions and help the dominant. That makes it hard to respond to genuine questions that may require a negative response. Whatever happens somebody has to change their mental headspace to deal with the question. It might seem that options (1) and (2) maintain the scene dynamic, but actually they force the submissive to mentally change gears without any help. And that’s hard. At least for me it is.

With approach (3) the domme takes the responsibility to temporarily change the dynamic, as befits her role. It’s easy for her to pull the dynamic back to a discussion of equals before plunging back into the play. I’ve never had a problem getting my headspace back in those situations. I’ve had real problems with negotiations that caught me unawares and left me second guessing my responses.

SoundingSince I mentioned using sounds as a situation where I’ve encountered this kind of on the fly negotiation, it seems appropriate to finish with this image. Given he can’t see what’s coming, I’m hope they discussed it ahead of time. I’m afraid I don’t have a source for this image.

The delicate sounding of slaves

Domina Victoria Rage has a very informative post up on the subject of sounds. If you’re thinking of trying this type of play, it’s well worth reading.

I’m always surprised by how a lot of guys react to the idea of sounds. It’s often described as edge play, and seen as an intense masochistic activity. In reality it’s a very sensual and stimulating sensation. If it’s painful then you’re doing it wrong and should stop. As Domina Rage says, the idea is to let gravity do all the work. The sounds is simply supposed to slide in under it’s own weight. Nothing should be forced. Both the invasive act and the stimulation of the nerve endings makes it very enjoyable.

I’d add just two things to Domina Rage’s post. Firstly, drink some water beforehand and pee afterwards. That’ll flush out any lube left in the urethra. Secondly, don’t assume penis size is related to urethra size. I think I’m relatively well endowed, but I can only accept smaller sounds. I’m always amazed what some guys can take when I look at the range of sound sizes. Start small and experiment to see what works for you.

Sounding
Sounding

Both images come from the CBT and Ballbusting site.

Sanity in the juryroom

I was heartened to read today about an “extreme pornography” case in England resulting in a not guilty verdict. Although it’s depressing that the case was even brought to trial, at least the jury saw sense.

I’ve written about this issue before. Back in 2008 the British government introduced legislation to outlaw what they defined as extreme pornography.  The part of the act that concerned all BDSM lovers read as follow…

An image falls within this subsection if it portrays, in an explicit and realistic way, any of the following—
(a) an act which threatens a person’s life,
(b) an act which results, or is likely to result, in serious injury to a person’s anus, breasts or genitals,

When the law was introduced it was accompanied by lots of scare stories about snuff films and non-consensual torture. Inevitably, as anyone with a brain might have guessed, it ended up getting applied much more broadly to anything the police thought they could get away with. I’d probably be in trouble because wrapping a plastic bag around someones head is life threatening. And burning someones genitals clearly could result in serious injury.

In this particular case it was fisting and urethral sounding that got the unfortunate victim into trouble. Neither of those things had resulted in serious injury, but obviously the facts weren’t about to get in the way of the prosecution. They also tried the usual tricks of exaggerating the evidence and smearing the defendant. As the defense lawyer describes, they originally suggested it was thousands of images, some involving children. In the end it was down to 5 images, all of consenting adults taken at a private party. It took the jury less than 90 minutes to acquit on all charges.

I’ll leave you with an image that will hopefully now not get my British readers into trouble. It features January Seraph and a nice long shiny sound.

January Seraph inserting a urethral soundThis image is originally from the CBT and Ballbusting site. I found it on the Women with Whips tumblr.

Drill, baby, drill!

Moving down from the nipple torture in yesterday’s post, we arrive at the cock. In this case a cock firmly gripped in a set of stocks, and about to get what appears to be a serious piece of metal shoved into it. I normally find sounding erotic rather than tortuous, with a very pleasurable frisson created as the sound slips gently into place. However, in this case it looks like the stretching involved might smart a little. She’s probably not going to strike oil, but she may encounter and rich seam of screams.

Mistress using a big soundI found this on the cock torture tumblr site. It’s originally from Club Dom.

Oh, and for anyone wondering about the title of this post, it’s something that has entered the US political lexicon in recent years.

Once upon a time…

I don’t feature a lot of femdom fiction or erotic writing in my daily posts. There are a couple of practical reasons for that. A few pages of text is less visually appealing than an image, and I like my front page to be aesthetically interesting. There’s also considerable more investment needed on the part of the reader. If someone doesn’t like one of the images I post they can quickly move on. Reading a story is a much greater time sink.

Despite that I think I should really make more of an effort to highlight good erotic writing. It’s actually my porn of preference, and I’m sure I spend longer browsing fiction sites than I do photographic or video alternatives. Even as a teenager I enjoyed the letters and fiction over the images in the tattered porn magazines we’d pass around at school. My friends always used to think that was kind of weird, so I guess nothing much has changed there.

My fiction pages lists a whole bunch of resources for finding good writing. Author’s like Anne Gray, drkfetyshnyghts, Abe Froman and Musker have produced some really excellent work. I’ve even given it a shot myself, albeit with mixed results.

One author I’ve particularly enjoyed recently is Tyjord. His writing can be a little extreme, featuring lots of enemas, intense predicament bondage, watersports and humilation. There’s also older sister with younger brother interactions, which some people might find off-putting. But if you’re like me, and enjoy your femdom fiction a little edgy, featuring over-the-top situations, he’s definitely worth investing some reading time in. For a gentle introduction I’d start with ‘A place to stay‘, or alternatively head for ‘Christopher’s Predicament‘ to go straight into the more extreme stuff.

Picking an artist to accompany Tyjord’s work is a on-brainer. Augustine’s art fits it perfectly. I believe they’ve already collaborated a few times together, and I’d love to see what they could do in a longer joint work.

Augustine Artwork

drkfetyshnyghts

Buckles and Pegs

This looks like a very intense but interesting predicament to be in. I always find there’s some pleasantly objectifying about using lots of buckles and straps. Rope bondage can often be relaxing and comforting, the rope hugging the body and creating a sense of security. But using straps seems much more business like. A quick and efficient way to completely immobilize the thing in question. Rope bondage can seem like an end in itself. But when you strap someone down it’s because you really don’t want them moving for what’s about to happen next. In this particular case, it looks like a lot of creative placement of clothes pegs and a big metal sound was what happened next.

Buckles And PegsI’m afraid I’ve no attribution for this image.

Enthusiastic Sounding

It’s hard to tell from this picture if she’s using the sound to try and prevent the semen coming out, or just vigorously fucking him with it. Either way, judging by her expression, she’s having a lot of fun. She makes me think of a young girl trying to stuff a bendy straw though a lid and into the top of a milkshake.

Enthusiastic SoundingFound in this post on lunar black tumblr site.

Did someone call for a plumber?

This image is taken from a gallery entitled ‘Psych Ward’. A better title might have been ‘Plumbing and pipe fitting around the home – it’s easier than you might think.’ That is one large sound. And, without meaning to give offense to the model involved, not a particularly enormous penis to accept it. Although its possibly just being dwarfed by the hardware deployed.

Using a sound in the psych wardThe image is taken from this image and clip collection on the k is for kink site. The domme wielding the sound is Mona Rogers.

Kink on G4

I came across this link on that favorite site of all procrastinators everywhere – fark.com. I’m not really sure what ‘Attack of the Show’ is, or who Candace Bailey is for that matter, but as far as mainstream representations of kink are concerned this one didn’t seem too terrible. It’s obviously mostly an excuse to show some attractive women in tight latex, but I can imagine at least a few people out there might have thought: “Hmmm, that looks kind of fun.” Which is better than the more usual: “Wow, what a bunch of freaks.”

The dominatrix in the clip is Mistress January Seraph. She does a pretty good job consider that the presenter looks great in latex but doesn’t know one end of a whip from another. And her playroom looks like a really fun place to session in. Here she is as ‘Nurse Seraph’.

Nurse January SeraphImage shows Mistress January Seraph and was taken from this gallery page.