Precision Peeing

Something tells me that the artist behind this drawing has never been on the end of a golden shower. Women’s bodies are truly amazing and capable of incredibly things, but they’re never going to be taking lead place in a ‘writing your name in the snow’ competition. Let alone accurately hitting an open mouth from several feet away. As I’m sure lovers of watersports with CIS women will affirm, if you’re not very close or using some sort of physical device to direct the flow, you’re going to get a face liberally sprayed with pee. Just lie back, enjoy it and jump in the shower later.

This is from a tweet by maid marta.

The Importance of Hydration

This tweet from Victoria Rage made me smile…

Every Domme about to attempt a golden scene has a secret stash of multiple beverages hidden away to better the odds of making things happen. Look hard enough and you can almost always tell what’s in store.

That’s very true. Whenever I spot a domme regularly swigging liquids during a scene, I have a pretty good idea of what’s to come. However, sometimes it turns out the domme was just feeling dehydrated, and then it’s a little disconcerting.

We’ll get to the end of the session and she’ll be  – “Well that was fun. Take care. See you next time!” And  I’ll smile, hug and wave goodbye, but internally I’ll be thinking – “Huh? What’s going on with all that liquid? Don’t tell me it’s simply going to be flushed down the toilet! What a waste.”

I’m not sure of the original source for this artwork, but I do like the caption. ‘Ah!’ indeed. But is that his satisfied exclamation or hers?

Grassy notes, with a touch of asparagus and oak on the nose

I was flipping rapidly through my twitter feed the other day when I noticed a domme pitching her ‘selectively crafted artisinal pee’. Now I know a lot of dommes are proud of their healthy diets and the resulting liquid output, but ‘artisinal’ was a new one for me. Since the dictionary definition is something ‘traditionally created using non-mechanical means’, doesn’t that make all pee artisinal? Are their any mass produced golden showers out there for submissive on the go who doesn’t have the time to really enjoy an artisinal product?

Fortunately, when I flicked back to check out exactly what I’d seen, it turned out to be a random ad that twitter has snuck in for artisinal *tea*. Which made a lot more sense. I don’t think the world is ready for the intersection of the pretensions of the beverage tasting world with the kinky world of golden showers.

I’m not exactly sure where this is from, but that’s one very happy looking wet dude.

Freshly Squeezed Delivery

My thanks to Sardax for pointing me at this perplexing but amusing tweet. The translated version of the caption that accompanies the image below is…

Fresh! Immediate distribution! We will deliver a freshly squeezed pee of freshness with one pee delivery phone! Why not deliver the rich urine of the cute girl to the place of hope?

Who among us can say that they’ve never secretly wished for the  delivery of fresh pee from a cute girl to their place of hope? Although my last known place of hope was located somewhere before November 2016, so they may find the address a bit tricky to find.

I wonder – is the delivery ‘created’ fresh on your doorstep by the cute girl as this image suggests? Or is the cute girl elsewhere and instead a grumpy 20-something delivery dude shows up on a bike with a bottle in his knapsack? Because in the latter case, I might be suspicious that the pee in question had been created less by a cute girl and more by the sweaty dude in an alley around the corner. Provenance would seem to be an important factor in the pee delivery business.

Sadly, for anyone hoping for golden showers on demand, this is actually a movie from the Office K’s company.

X Marks the Spot

I’m continuing the toilet theme with a tweet that made me laugh. This is from the twitter feed of e.b. cotenord. She’s a Chicago based companion who also offers fantasy and fetish scenes.

I didn’t steal your man.

I peed on him and that made him mine fair and square. To get him back, you just gotta pee above my spot.

That’s just how love works.
I don’t make the rules.

Frankly, I only wish dating were that simple. The dry cleaning bills might get a bit steep, but who wouldn’t want to replace those tricky where-do-you-think-this-relationship-is-going talks with watersports fun?

Clearly this man has been popular, as she’s having to pee very high up to claim him. Presumably when you reach the scalp, the next spot circles around back to the feet again?

There’s no watermark, but I suspect this is from the Russian Mistress site.

Freedom of Pee

I’m not sure if this Donald Trump themed Pee Party counts as political protest, art project or just kinky fun. Possible it’s all three. Regardless of that,  my favorite bit in the story was Jeeves, Mistress Tara Indiana’s 80 year old personal chauffeur. I can only hope I’m still getting peed on by amazing dommes when (if) I reach that age. I wish him many wild and wet years to come.

I’m personally a little skeptical about the pee part of the Trump Russian story. I can totally believe he’d get involved in a sex sting operation. Everything we’ve seen suggests he’s impulsive, risk taking, doesn’t think long term, doesn’t believe the rules apply to him and is driven largely by the basic instincts of the  lizard brain. Those characteristics, besides matching those of a psychopath, also match someone who’d jump into bed with a gaggle of attractive Russian escorts if they knocked on his hotel door. However, watersports are pretty specific fetish. Given his personality, if he was into them, I think we’d have heard about it from other and earlier sources.

This artwork is by the Japanese artist Namio Harukawa. Judging by his portfolio, he was somebody very much into watersports.

Switter

His Trumpiness – that paragon of sexual morality – signed the FOSTA bill into law this week. Backpage has already been taken offline, and I suspect we’ll continue to see shockwaves spreading out from this new bill for years to come. There’s a good twitter thread here if you want background context and information to share with others.

If you’re feeling as pissed off as I am by the whole situation, then one action you can take is talk about the problems of the bill with people outside the bubble of sex work discussion and kinky blogs like this one. It really hasn’t got the coverage it should have done, partly thanks to the overwhelming number of Trump related stories in the news every day. I’m out to some of my friends, so can talk about it to them directly, but if you’d rather take a more circumspect route, then just use the example of craiglists personals being taken offline. There will be similar mainstream sites taking equivalent steps in the months to come.

As sex workers get organized, I’m predicting we’ll see a lot of new platforms springing up to support them from outside the US. One of the first examples of that is Switter – a twitter style service (based on Mastodon) set-up by sex workers in Australia. Anyone can join – I’m there as @paltego@switter.at – and it has both iOS and  Android clients. I found it a little temperamental when joining, with a couple of tries needed before I got past an error screen, but it seems to be OK once you’re on it. A fair number of pro-dommes have already created accounts there. If you got to my profile and look at who I follow, you’ll get some good starting points for kinky peoples profiles.

I’ve really no idea what a suitable image for this kind of post would be. So I’ll pick something totally at random – a young Russian lady (Mistress Irina) peeing on a man. Just happens to be the first thing I found in my image folder.

This is from the Russian Mistress site.

When Worlds Collide

Yesterday was one of my typically hedonistic vacation days. The afternoon featured kinky fun with a talented domme. The evening featured a big meal with many wines. Champagne consumption was a common element to both, although the vintage, temperature and volume varied considerably between the two.

The part of the evening that really made me stop and smile wasn’t the French bubbles, but a white Spanish Rioja that strongly reminded me of what I’d been drinking earlier that day. I’m not saying it tasted like pee but, to use a pretentious wine tasting term, it had many similar notes. There were tannins, which gave a slightly tea like taste, some oxidization, a little herbaceousness and a touch of underlying bitterness. It actually paired great with the fish dish that accompanied it, and I resisted the urge to tell the server what I was smiling about. She probably wouldn’t have taken it as a compliment.

It speaks to the quality of the dommes diet that I could make such a comparison. Probably best not to start setting up a bottling plant just yet however. I’m guessing pee doesn’t take to aging the same way wine does.

I’m afraid I have no attribution for this image.

Update: Thanks to a very helpful comment I can now attribute this to the artist Julian Serrano and a series of images he did called A History Of Sex. This is named Leo’s Fantasy. I particularly enjoyed this anecdote from the original exhibition…

The photo called Leo’s Fantasy caused a national stir in liberal Holland when the Groninger Museum — in a simultaneous presentation of this series — chose the picture of girl peeing into the man’s mouth for its poster, and wanted to put it on the tram. Church groups protested, and the courts first said it wasn’t obscene, and then said it was.

Hard to imagine an American museum thinking they could get away with this image on a NYC subway poster. Conservative groups over here would go insane.

Make America Golden Again

As I’ve written in the past, I try not to feature a lot of politics on this blog. However, when politics and kink collide, I figure people are playing on my turf and the story is fair game. If the major TV networks are going to talk about golden showers, then the least I can do is cover the story.

Anyone watching the news in the last day or so will know where this is heading – Donald Trump has been dealing with a rumor that he was filmed enjoying some hot and messy watersports action with a number of Russian escorts. The resulting media fallout has been spectacular. Some of my favorite coverage has been this NYMag article, this Vogue one featuring Mistress Darcy, Colbert’s cleverly innuendo packed bit and Samantha Bee’s more caustic take. Plus, of course the endless social media jokes like this or this or this.

Personally, I think the story, or at least the salacious bit of it, is probably bullshit. The description in the original memo seems kind of ridiculous. However, while it might not be a verified story, it’s definitely a really funny one. And given Trump’s propensity for making stories up and claiming them to be true, I have zero guilt in enjoying this one.

If it is true, I just hope the escorts followed the golden (ahem) rule of sex work and got the money up front. He doesn’t have the best reputation when it comes to paying small independent contractors who do work for him. And if they were working for Russian intelligence, I don’t fancy their chances on filing an expense claim for it. That’d be a tough one to explain to the finance department – 12 bottles of mineral water, 2 packs of breath mints and 1 golden shower for the future US president.

This artwork is by Axel-Art.

What a lovely canoe

I’ve written about some of America’s crazy cultural issues in the last couple of posts, but it’s not alone in having some strange attitudes. All countries have odd cultural baggage when it comes to sexuality and gender. The latest example from Japan would be this story of an artist and her vagina canoe.

As any porn aficionado will tell you, Japan has odd laws around pornography and obscenity. Japanese producers create some fairly extreme (to Western eyes) material, but the genitals must be obscured. Artist Megumi Igarashi pushed this law to the point of absurdity by distributing the data that would allow someone to ‘print’ a 3D model of her vagina. She did so to help fund a canoe also modeled on her body.  Amazingly, for distributing what’s basically a mathematical description of part of her own body, she was found guilty of obscenity and fined 400,000 Yen (about $3,680). The problem with pointing out the absurdity of a law is that after you’re done with the absurdity the law bit is still there. One can only hope that the sheer ridiculousness of the ruling may provoke a change.

Past artists have worked around the censorship laws with strategically placed objects. Mike Myers had fun with that approach in this Austin Powers clip. Namio Harukawa was a little subtler in the image below.

Namio Harukawa artwork