When in doubt, go for ambiguity

I was planning something different for tonight’s post. A radical new approach. I was thinking of writing something nuanced, well reasoned and insightful on the inherent complexities and contradictions of femdom. I’ve never tried it before, but I thought it might just work. Then I went out with friends and ate lots of middle eastern food and drank way too many cocktails. Plus a bottle of wine or two. So right now I’m lucky if I can spell femdom, let alone write about it.

I will therefore simply pick an interesting ambiguous image that I like. The fact it’s ambiguous saves me having to write too much. I’ll leave the interpretation to the viewer. It features the beautiful January Seraph who was kind enough to say nice things about my site.

Mistress January Seraph

Sit!

I love the incongruity of this scene. There’s the very 50’s style domestic setting, the elegant housewife and well loved family pet. With just one minor quirk…

I’ve personally never done any animal roleplay, but I do get the appeal. It pushes all sorts of kinky buttons. Obedience, restraint, training, collars, control, commands, etc. Pet owners are supposed to both care for their pets and also make sure they’re trained to behave appropriately. The pet itself doesn’t have to think too much, it just needs to offer love, affection and obedience. Or at least that’s the case for dogs and their human counterparts. Cats just need to look cool while swaggering around trying to conceal their disdain for the world.

Domestic Scene

The image comes from Mistress Liliane Hunt’s blog from a post on a Loup Garou Adoption Day. She’s a San Francisco based pro-domme. The pet is Tyke Puppy. I originally found the image on Selina Minx’s tumblr.

The least visible group in porn?

As regular readers might guess, I spend a fair amount of time hanging around tumblrs. I only feature femdom material here, but I can find material that pushes my buttons across a wide range of kinky activities and gender combinations. Hence my tumblr browsing is broad. One thing I found fascinating is looking at how different kinky groups typically skew their selection of material. Obviously my observations are entirely anecdotal and completely unscientific but what the hell. This is a blog, not a peer reviewed paper for Nature (although somebody should write one of those).

As you’d expect, lots of straight male submissives feature dominant women in exotic undergarment, with the occasional naked man as just a prop in the scene. They also have a smattering of what I’d call action shots. i.e. Images that catch a more complex D/s interaction. Essentially they post what they desire (the dominant woman) and, to a lesser extent, the interaction they wish to experience.

Straight female dominants also tend to post what they desire, buff naked submissive men, together with action shots. But the ratio is different to what submissive guys post. As a SWAG (Stupid Wild Ass Guess) I’d say it’s more like 50/50 compared to 80/20. There’s a clear preference towards more complex interactions and connections over eye candy.

Straight male dominants are heavily focused on their object of desire – naked bound women. The vast majority of shots are either of sole females or of disembodied males interacting with females. There might be an appendage in the shot, or a hand, or a whip, but almost all of the material is designed to let the viewer imagine himself as the dominant. It’s rare to see intense emotional connection in the images.

The most interesting one I find is the straight female submissive. Following the pattern above you’d expect them to post a mixture of Mf action shots and images of hot male dominants. And yet from my observation there’s a very heavy skew to posting shots of female submission. They might post more action shots than male dominants, but they rarely seem to post images of buff male dominants. Uniquely amongst these four groups they seem to post what they’d like to experience or who they’d like to be, rather than what the type of person they desire.

The only conclusion I can draw from this is that male dominants are the least visible group in BDSM pornography. That’s a conclusion that should raise a few hackles given the ubiquity of the Mf dynamic in culture and porn.

Admiring Her Work

The image is of Claire Adams from Men In Pain. I found it on the ‘my Wife, my Goddess‘ tumblr. It represents the kind of shot I personally enjoy the most.

Tumblr hunting

This is a follow-on thought from yesterday’s housekeeping on the Femdom Image page. It’s also a request for help.

My image page is surprisingly popular. It actually attracts more views than even my front page. I’m glad people like it but, to be frank, finding conventional femdom tumblrs isn’t exactly hard. There are hundreds of them out there. Hopefully my page is good starting point for some of the better ones (e.g. Alternative Femdom, Femdom Style Counsel, Girls Rule, Subs DroolUndiscovered Limits, etc. etc.) but it’s still a pretty basic resource.

However, I do think there is one particular area where I could add significant value, and that’s around finding femdom tumblrs that focus on male submission. These are always hard to locate. So far I’ve only come up with twelve and two of them are pretty dormant. I regularly see female dominants bemoaning the lack of good femdom imagery and I’d like to help with that. So if you stumble across or own a tumblr (or blog) that features femdom with a submissive slant then please send it in my direction. Either add a comment or email me.

I’ll leave you with an image that so far has popped up on 3 of my 12 so-called (by me) submissive focused tumblrs (Geek Domme, Work Is Never Over and Beyond the Valley of the Femdoms). It was originally shot by Barbara Nitke and is titled ‘Madame and mine’.

Madame and Mine by Barbara Nitke

Updates to Femdom Image page

I’ve done some housekeeping on the Femdom Image page. Dead and dormant sites have been removed and I’ve added the sites listed below. I’ve also cleaned up a bunch of the old comments that were of the form ‘Please add this’ or ‘Thanks for adding me’. I always appreciate receiving these kind of comments, so please feel free to continue leaving them. I just don’t want the comment thread to grow indefinitely with old comments that are no longer useful to readers.

The image below is from Men in Pain and came to me via the newly added Beyond the Valley of the Femdoms. Having warm wax dripping down on a body isn’t all that uncommon. Suspending the body over the heat of a candle? That’s a rarer sight. No wax drips to worry about, but that rising heat thing must make it interesting.

Suspended over a candle

Playing the dummy

As I mentioned in previous blog posts, I was down in LA in mid-March, and got to session with Mistress Cynthia Stone. We actually did two sessions together and captured a lot of photographs. I finally had chance this weekend to write up the first of these sessions and you can read all about it on a page I’ve titled Cynthia Stone’s Tailors Dummy. I should warn you that while there’s no blood or anything too extreme, there is a lot of piercing shots and a lot of naked me. So don’t click through if that’s something you’d rather avoid looking at.

The shot below is taken from our session together. That’s me peaking out over her shoulder. At the time she’d stuffed a whole bunch of needles into my torso and then decided to sit on me. Normally having a beautiful woman wriggling around on my lap would be a good thing. Having a lot of needles through the skin adds a certain edge to that experience.

Peeking over Cynthia Stone's shoulder

Once you go kink, you never go back

I was chatting to a vanilla friend about kink recently. Nothing to explicit. Just a very general discussion about the psychological and emotional elements of it. She’s not kinky but is a pretty experienced and well rounded person. So I was surprised to hear her suggest that obviously my kinky interests would replace any interest I had in PIV sex. Apparently in her mind once someone started down the slope of rope, leather and whips, they were forever lost to the world of regular intercourse.

I was initially kind of shocked by this. I see my kinky interests expanding my horizons, not limiting them. I love a good regular fuck as much as the next non-kinky guy. Why would one pleasure replace another? However, in hindsight I can kind of see where she was coming from. The mainstream representation of kink normally features people with serious hang-ups and highly specific interests. Fetishists and sadomasochists are often portrayed as constantly pushing their limits, interested only in seeking their next big rush. Even the original definition of masochism, by Krafft-Ebing, defined it as a replacement of normal sexual life.

By this perversion his sexual instinct is often made more or less insensible to the normal charms of the opposite sex – incapable of a normal sexual life – psychically impotent.
Krafft-Ebing from Psychopath Sexualize, 1876

In reality I suspect that the percentage of kinky people who have no interest in regular sex is very small. When I mentioned this topic to Lydia she guest-imated that number at 5% of kinky people. I think that number would come as a big surprise to a lot of vanilla folks.

Threesome

Of course it’s possible I haven’t just had the right mind-blowing kinky experience yet. Would a FMM threesome be the thing to push me onto a slippery slope of depravity I can never return from? I feel it’s my duty to investigate further. While I do so, I’ll leave you to enjoy this threesome image found on the Selina Minx tumblr.

Riding her bronco

Panties in the mouth is not exactly a new idea in femdom. The idea of being gagged with them crops up fairly often. The image below adds a new twist to that. I think this is the first time I’ve seen a woman use them as reins to control her mount. I particular like her pose, with one hand behind her head and one to control his. There’s a great rodeo feel to it. At some point during this I really hope she let out a loud yee-ha!

Riding Her Bronco

I’m afraid I don’t know the original source for this image. I found it on the Submissive Soul tumblr.

Roaring Trade

These two images are from a stage play called Roaring Trade by Steve Thompson. Judging by this old review it’s about bond traders and the finance business rather than sex or BDSM. However, give these images, there’s clearly some sexual power and femdom dynamic involved at some point. I like the fact they added that element without invoking the stereotypical powerful and rich city guy sees a dominatrix in his lunch hour.

Roaring Trade
Roaring Trade
I found this via the Fashionably Femdom tumblr.

Pro versus Lifestyle

Stabbity over at Not Just Bitchy has me reaching for my keyboard again. A couple of weeks ago her comments on force in a scene triggered two different posts (here and here). This time it’s her provocatively titled Pro-doms V’s Lifestyle doms post. In this particular case I find myself violently agreeing with part of that post and incredibly puzzled by the rest of it.

The part I violently agree with is that pro-doms and lifestyle doms offer different things. That’s clearly true. A few scheduled hours of very focused intense play is nothing like a natural evolving organic relationship. Even if you play with the same domme very regularly (as I do), it’s not an approximation for a lifestyle interaction. The relationship you create may be a very positive and real one, but it’s established on an entirely different basis from a lifestyle D/s one and grows differently because of that. I also agree that the guy who expects a lifestyle relationship to play out like a 24×7 fantasy fulfilling professional session is an idiot.

Where I find myself confused by Stabbity is when she then goes on to divide men up into two very different groups…

If what a guy really wants is a dominant girlfriend, he’s not likely to have a lot of interest in seeing pro doms. Not getting to build a relationship with them would be a deal breaker, not a selling point. On the other hand, someone with an extremely demanding job who just doesn’t have time for a relationship but wants to get his kink on isn’t likely to get what he wants from a lifestyle dom.
Stabbity in Pro-doms V’s Lifestyle doms

I can’t speak for all submissive guys, but that perspective does not reflect either my own or the one I see most guys describing. It suggests that the two experiences are so different that it divides submissives into two distinct and non-overlapping types. I think it’s much more of a continuum than that, and that the differences between pro and lifestyle play do not manifest themselves in that way.

To draw a rough analogy: Some men only want sex in a committed relationship. Some men only want casual sex and wish to avoid relationships. But some men (a lot in my view) would be happy to have casual sex while they search for the right relationship. If they haven’t found Miss Perfect they’ll happily fool around with Miss Fun and her attractive sister Miss Available. Particularly if that fooling around doesn’t stand in the way of searching for Miss Perfect.

It’s certainly possible to build a relationship with a pro-domme. It’s also certainly not the same as a lifestyle relationship. And that is not a deal breaker for a lot of guys who’d like a lifestyle relationship because playing with a pro-domme is goddamn fun. I’ve had some of the best and most intense experiences of my life with them. I’m kind of hoping that doesn’t cross me off the dating list for any dominant women out there.

Ella Kros

Given the topic of discussion it seems only appropriate to feature a photograph of a pro-domme. This is Mistress Ella Kros. If you’re anywhere near Tel-Aviv her session information is here.