Getting it all wrong

When a story about a dominatrix avoiding jail after a client died in a session originally surfaced in my inbox, I was pleased. Not for the dead guy obviously, but for the fact that she hadn’t been unreasonably punished. From just reading the article title I assumed he’d had a heart attack or aneurysm and gone out doing something he enjoyed. Intense kinky sex can certainly raise stress and blood pressure levels, and having a play partner die would be traumatizing enough without adding legal entanglements. Now, having read the story, I’m not so sure. Jail seems like a pretty reasonable place for her.

The client contacted her to do breathplay, which is a reasonable thing in itself. The badness starts with him wanting to be made unconscious. It gets worse with the fact she agreed to do it when clearly neither of them had a clue what they were doing. It culminates with her helping him use tape and a noose to cut off his breathing and then leaving him alone in a hotel room for 30 minutes. Leaving someone alone is a big red flag in most bondage situations, let alone when breathing restrictions are involved. Stupidity like that really deserves some prison time, even if he was equally idiotic in instigating the situation.

Personally, I love breathplay. I’ve had some of my most intense sessions while experiencing it. But it was always with people who knew what they were doing, who kept a very close watch on my physical responses and where we could escape it in a second or two.

breathplayThis is the lovely Mistress Eleise – someone who definitely does know how to do breathplay properly. A gloved hand can be very effective all on its own. This is taken from her Femme Fatale Films.

Patreon

I noticed when writing my previous post that Yumine has set-up a Patreon account. For those that haven’t encountered this service before, it’s an easy way for fans (patrons) of artists to contribute a few bucks to them on a regular basis. It’s not designed to crowdfund a specific piece of work, but instead functions more as a virtual tip jar for ongoing work. Yumine is suggesting chipping in just a $1 or $5 per month.

I’ve not used Patreon before, but this seemed a worthwhile case to give it a go. Sign-up was very quick and easy, and it let me use either PayPal or a credit card. If like me, you appreciate Yumine’s work, then maybe give it a shot yourself?

calmOf course this gives me another excuse to feature her work in a post. I particularly like this piece as the D/s dynamic and activity reminds me a lot of my play. I love breathplay and nipple torture, while having a love/hate relationship with hoods. That often leads to a lot of nervous energy that has to be worked through.

Suspension ropework

A final rope themed post (for the moment). This time it’s suspension bondage. Although I really like this image for the pinched nipple, the pulled hair and the look they’re exchanging. Suspension bondage is tricky enough to often be a scene all of it’s own, but here it seems to be being used as just part of their play.

RopeSuspensionI’m afraid I don’t know who originally created this. If anyone has information for the correct attribution then please leave me a comment.

Updated: Thanks to a helpful comment, I have an attribution of Lady C of Leverkusen Germany for the domme in this picture.

In the zone

I liked this short article on BDSM as a form of meditation. It doesn’t go into a lot of detail, but it captures some of my feelings on certain types of BDSM play. I’m by no means an expert on the topic, but the mindful meditation it describes does remind me of subspace.

Some activities seem to lend themselves more than others to this kind of mental state. Personally I’ve found that needle play (particularly when decorative), heavy bondage and very formalized corporal punishment are particularly good for it. Moments of stillness combined with ritual and rhythm definitely help. In contrast things like predicament bondage, electrical play and energetic fucking really don’t work. They’re fun, but tend to constantly pull your mind out of the zone and into the moment.

MomentHere’s a nice shot of someone enjoying a moment with Cybill Troy. I wonder if he’s feeling particularly meditative?

O Face

Here’s an image of a lady with a great facial expression. I guess he’s doing something right. I wonder if the nipple pulling is just for added encouragement or a subtle way to control the stimulation? Maybe he’s like an old radio. You twiddle the knobs, mash the buttons and bang on the side, and eventually you get something you like out of it.

OFace

Comfy shoes

After all the high tech VR posts, I’m going old school with this one. A naked person, some nipple play and a traditional St. Andrews cross.

Clearly the gentleman is enjoying the situation and, quite frankly I can’t blame him for that. But what really caught my eye was the shoes they’re wearing. BDSM imagery is full of ridiculous high heels and boots sporting a hundred and one straps and buckles. It make me smile to see someone wearing comfortable shoes and socks. Their might be some bondage and nipple torture going on, but there’s no reason anyone’s toes should get cold.

ComfyShoesThis is from the specimen01 tumblr aka ‘A Journey into Utopian Femdom’. It has a lot of good images on it from the same couple. I particularly liked this one featuring the comfy shoes and a great smirk.

A holiday from yourself

Yesterday’s post about ‘play acting’ got me thinking more about personas and how we constantly project partial elements of our personalities into the world. It struck me that intense BDSM play represents an almost unique situation in that regard.

I’m someone whose is constantly debating and editing myself. That’s not to say I’m insincere or fake. It’s just that my brain is constantly running and adjusting to the world around me. I like to analyze, pick out subtext and fine tune how I present to the world. I think most people do the same thing, either consciously or subconsciously. Unless someone is a totally self-centered jerk, there’s always a desire to understand how we’re being perceived by others.

The one and only time I think that’s not true is during intense BDSM play. When I’m tied down and being beaten there’s no room in my brain for analysis or reflection. When a needle starts to slip into my skin my only thought is to that sharp slippery sensation of pain. When nipple clamps are ripped away all that matters is the rush of blood and the tingling nerves. The combination of mental submission (which removes choice) and physical pain (which removes thinking) makes for a holiday from the self.

I wouldn’t say that my persona in those intense moments is somehow more true or real than my day to day one. Nobody beating my naked ass is getting to somehow learn the secrets of the inner me. But those are the times when I can forget about my persona and how I’m perceived, and just be in that very physical pure moment.

I’ll finish with an image of someone very much in an intense physical moment. I’d guess the only thing on his mind right now involves those nipple clamps and exactly when she’s going to tug them free.

IntenseMomentThis is from the Divine Bitches site.

Art and reality

One of the things I enjoy about erotic artwork is its ability to portray the strange and fantastic. Artists like Sardax, Namio Harukawa and Augustine do a wonderful job of capturing the extremes of sexual fantasies in a way that still connects with people. Yet the thing I like most about the piece below is it’s realism. I don’t mean that in the visual sense – it’s clearly not a hyperrealistic drawing – but in the mood and style of play it captures. It feels like a moment from a scene I might do or have done. There’s no crazy bondage positions, massive strap-ons or extreme outfits. Just some rope, clothespins and a nice sense of intimacy and connection.

Artwork by TingosThe artist is Tingos and you can see more of his work on his tumblr. I found it via the Lunar Black tumblr.

The infinite virtual bookshelf

After my last post on the topic of inadvertent data sharing with family members, Servitor left a comment reminding me that separate user accounts can help solve the problem. That’s actually very good advice. All my laptops are Windows devices and it does an excellent job of providing sand boxed environments for each user. Keeping separate email and social media accounts for kinky stuff is an obvious thing to do, but extending it all the way to your local device also makes a lot of sense.

Unfortunately iPads and apps are terrible in this respect. The Kindle app is particularly bad. Not only does it show all your books in its library, but I can’t even find a way to delete stuff from the shelf. I’ve got all sorts of random porn and kinky writing mixed in with history books, classic crime novels and modern fiction. When I visit someone’s house I always enjoy being nosy and browsing their bookcases. Unfortunately the kindle app designer thinks that not only should your bedroom and living room bookcases be equally on display, but also those well thumbed magazines stashed under your virtual mattress. Now I live in fear that anyone using my iPad will browse my electronic bookcase and get an eyeful of some bizarre BDSM fiction that I purchased on a horny whim in a lonely hotel room many moons ago.

Torture OutsideHere’s what I think should have happened to the kindle app designer the day after he came up with his initial design specs. Maybe an hour or two with these two ladies would have encouraged him to try a bit harder.