MySessions – Page 7 – Femdom Resource

The end

I played with Lydia for the final time last night. Unless she’s going to retire in the manner of a 70’s rockstar, with endless comeback tours, I’m going to have to adapt to life without her.

Our sessions are usually intense, but this last one was particularly so. Layering sensations is traditionally a big part of our play. Last night in the space of about 30 seconds I was screaming in pain, struggling for oxygen, moaning in orgasm, laughing in relief and crying at the finality of it. Being sweaty, sticky and teary makes for an interesting post session clean up.

She has left me with a lot of memories. I remember her look of concentration when trying to get a needle in just the right place. I remember her professionalism. In hundreds of sessions she was always on time, always prepared and never ever cut corners. I remember her gleeful sadism. She could always channel her inner child playground bully to magical effect. I remember her imagination. Elaborate bondage or interesting predicaments were often the result of ideas she’d dreamed up days earlier. I remember her creativity and the great dynamic we shared. Most of all I remember her laughter. We laughed often together, but the commonest reason for her was my growling or snarling at some particularly sadistic thing she’d done. I might scream or moan in the really intense parts, but it was afterwards, in the quieter moments, that a pinch or a squeeze could trigger a growl from me and a happy laugh from her. I’ll miss that most of all.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to curl up on the couch with several stiff drinks and binge watch Buffy Season 2. I feel in the mood for some teenage angst and heartbreak featuring vampires. I’ll leave you with an image of Lydia very much as I remember her. That’s obviously not me with her in the photograph, but it does show her smile and the kind of play we so often enjoyed together.

Games

I was fortunate enough to get to play a new game with Lydia tonight. It was called “How many needles can we put into paltego’s scrotum?” Much fun was had by all. The final score was Scrotum 1 Needles 40. Although when you play that kind of game it’s not really the score, it’s the taking part that counts.

I’m not exactly sure what game is being played in the image below, but once again it looks like the man is on the losing side. I think he should count himself lucky. This lady looks like the type to enjoy celebrating after her victory. Lydia is more the ‘spray some disinfecting alcohol on all the punctured area and enjoy watching him squirm’ type.

The only thing I know about this artist are the initials TBT. It looks a bit like the style of xrenderer, but I’ve no evidence beyond that observation to link the two.

Feeling happy

I played with Lydia tonight. Much bondage, breathplay, nipple torture, hot wax and flogging was involved. It was the kind of play that gets me spacey almost immediately. The kind where I can channel the pain through a sense of shared connection. The kind where it hurts but feels so good and so right.

Right now all I want to do is collapse on the couch and drink wine, so this post will be short. I’ll simply share an image that captures an element of what play can be. There was no rope bondage in my case (although lots of leather belts and plastic wrap) but this has that sense of tension and connection that means so much to me.

I’m afraid I don’t have an original source for this. I found it via the Alternative Femdom tumblr.

A spring garden with Lydia

I should start this post with a warning: It features images from a piecing session I did with Lydia a few weeks ago. So if you wish to avoid image of naked needled me, then I’d suggestion not clicking any of the links below.

The negotiation for our play was – as usual – very short. I think I said “How about doing some piercing?” and she said “Sure.” That was job done. We’re not big on complicated scripts. I like being surprised and giving Lydia scope for her devilish imagination. A piercing session gives her that ample scope, as she has shown in the past (e.g. here, here and here). In this case she created a decorative piercing all across and down my back. She said the layout and design was inspired by the idea of a walk in a spring garden.

You can see the top part of the design in this shot here and from another angle here. Not content with decorating the top of my back she also planted some needles in my butt, seen in this long torso shot and this close-up. The round design on my butt cheeks is known as a button and is particularly painful. The shafts of the needles cross each other and trap flesh in between. This means any kind of movement pinches and squeezes nerves between needles and creates very intense sensations. Moving around wasn’t really on my agenda, but apparently it was on Lydia’s, as piercing was followed by hitting, and striking, and prodding. That tended to produce a few wiggles.

The marks left when everything had been removed were particularly impressive. I loved the patterns created in the skin. In total I think we used around 120 needles with a gauge varying between 25 down to 18. It wasn’t one of the most intense piercing sessions we’ve ever done from a pure pain perspective. However, it was one of the most meditative, focused and aesthetically pleasing.

Photograph of Lydia is by Mandy McGee photography.

Scream therapy

I’m safely back in Seattle after flying back late on Sunday night. I finished the trip with a bang, or possibly that should be a thwack, by playing with the beautiful Domina Ai-Li on Sunday afternoon. It was another really fun session. Playing fairly heavy on consecutive days creates some interesting dilemmas, as dommes do love to poke, prod and generally work over any bruises they spot from the previous day!

In my previous post I commented on the role the eyes can play in a scene. Today I’m going to go a couple of inches lower and talk about the throat. It’s not a body part that gets mentioned often, but I think it definitely played a role in my session with Ai-Li. I had a slightly sore throat when we started (probably as a result of too much drinking and talking in busy bars) and yelling and screaming in pain didn’t help matters. I have a tendency to do that when someone beats the inside of my thighs particularly hard. As a result I tried to bite back my yells to be kinder to my throat, and that in turn seemed to lower my pain tolerance. I think vocalizing is a way to release tension and push through tough situations. It lets me be free and simply express what I feel. Trying to hold it back makes it harder for me to take pain and therefore increases its apparent intensity. So I guess it you want to make it tougher for a submissive, tell him or her to shut the hell up.

Of course if you want to let someone scream but not scare the neighbors into calling the cops, a gag is always a good alternative. It doesn’t give you silence, but does muffle yells while still allowing a healthy moan.

I’m afraid I don’t know who the above domme is. If you do then feel free to enlighten me via the comments.

A visual connection

I was lucky enough to get to play with Domina Yuki today. She’s a very talented domme and as usual it was a great session with lots of groans, screams and whimpers. I can only hope the soundproofing in our playspace was good.

One thing I found particularly interesting was my emotional reaction to a whipping. I was lying face down on padded bench to receive it, looking to one side as she hit me with a heavy leather whip. To start with I was looking directly at her and the whipping felt incredibly intimate. Our only contact was the strands of the whip, and yet it felt like a caress. As others might feel about an intimate hug or a kiss, I felt about watching her swing this whip against me. It was almost a sexual experience.

After a number of strokes she moved around to my other side, where I couldn’t see her, and that changed the dynamic dramatically. Suddenly it was a challenge. I had to focus inside of myself and push through. The endorphins continued to flow but rather than being in an intimate situation I felt objectified. I could no longer project my feelings towards her and had to turn inward instead. I’m sure the strength of the blows were no different, yet they felt harder.

In hindsight the experience was a fascinating insight into the role of the brain in modifying pain and the way we can contextualize powerful sensations. It was almost a childlike reaction – sadistic peak-a-boo. Intellectually I always knew I was being hit by Mistress Yuki, but only when I could see her did it take on a different meaning.

Snaps from SF

On my recent trip to San Francisco I was lucky enough to play with both Domina Yuki and Domina Ai-Li. Sadly we were too busy having fun (masochistically speaking) to take a lot of photographs, but Domina Yuki did snap a couple of shots of some CBT play we did. Those not afraid of pictures of naked boy bits can see one shot here and a close-up here.

She managed to create a really interesting set-up. The balls were pulled down and out by clips and twine attached to the chair I was sitting on. Then the nipple clamps were attached to clips on the head of the cock. This put everything into tension and, in a particularly devious touch, that tension changed as my physical arousal changed. The result was a sadistic perpetual motion machine: Softness -> pulled nipples -> pain -> stimulation -> errection -> less tension -> less pain -> softness. It’s an endless masochistic cycle, with the added factor of a talented lady squeezing, slapping and pinching all manner of sensitive body parts. Being caned on my inner thigh in that set-up certainly caught my attention.

I can’t leave a post with only shots of my naked scrawny ass, so here’s a beautiful and striking image from Domina Yuki’s tumblr.

Less is more

I had an unusual session with Lydia last night. It was mostly focused on piercing, which certainly isn’t unusual, as anyone who has read my past session posts will know. What was different about this one was that no bondage was involved. I don’t think I can remember the last time that happened. We typically don’t make bondage a focus, but it’s almost always in the mix somewhere. In this case I was lying, sitting and standing at different times, but never restrained.

The psychological effect it created surprised me. It made our play feel more intimate. Practically speaking, based on what got stuck into which body parts, it was no different to many past sessions. It wasn’t like we were physically closer than usual, or interacted particularly differently. Yet it seems that bondage has a much stronger objectifying aspect than I’d previously realized. Someone tied down is being acted on, even if they agreed to be there. Being free to move but choosing not to triggered a sense of cooperation, which in turn created togetherness and intimacy.

This may be old news to many of you, but it was a surprising revelation to me. I always thought bondage was a fun addition to a scene. I never realized that taking it away could also add to the experience.

I’m afraid I don’t have a source for this image. There’s no bondage, but I always find being grabbed by the throat is a very intimate yet controlling act.

Bondage with Lydia

I’ve done a poor job of documenting my own sessions in the past months. Either we’ve not remembered to snap photographs, or I’ve not got around to editing and publishing them. For example, I had a magical session with Lydia yesterday evening. Many clips and clamps were applied to a wide variety of body parts. I discovered that clothespins on the earlobe don’t really hurt while they’re on, or even when they come off, but it does hurt like hell if somebody squeezes the earlobe immediately after taking them off. Lydia played me like an odd kind of musical instrument. Remove a clip, then press or squeeze hard, and see what strange sounds emerge. Unfortunately I didn’t think to use a camera or a microphone to record the results for posterity.

Our play from a couple of weeks ago (which I mentioned in this prior post) did result in a few photographs, so I can at least share those. Although everything started very playfully, we eventually segued into some bondage, breathplay and CBT. You can see some good shots of the bondage here, here and here. It was very effective as it not only held me but also hugged me. Sometimes I can almost forget I’m tied up, but not this time. Even in subspace I was very aware of its taut loops around me.

Lydia also grabbed some close up shots of the cock bondage and the nipple clamps. The nipple torture looks more painful, but it was actually the rope loops around the head of the cock that really caught my attention. Nipple clamps tend to hurt going on and coming off, but aren’t too bad in between. With the cock there’s a lot more skin and flesh moving around, getting painfully trapped between rope coils as things expand and contract. Just when I thought I’d adjusted to it, something would move and an entirely new set of nerves would get pulled into the scene. It turns out to be particularly hard not to move when a sadist is pinching your nipples and cutting off the oxygen with plastic wrap.

It’d be a shame to have a post with only shots of my naked ass in it, so here’s a far more attractive one of Lydia. It’s pretty much the exact view I had yesterday, even down to the top she’s wearing. I don’t have a soundtrack to go with it, but imagine moans with an English accent and some gleeful laughter and you’d be most of the way there.

Photograph of Lydia is by Mandy McGee photography.

Sugar and spice and everything nice

I almost kicked a dominatrix in the ankle tonight. I managed to resist the urge, but I think I would have been justified. After all, she started it.

I was playing with Lydia, and having a lot of fun while she channeled her 8 year old self. There was lots of pushing and prodding and teasing and laughing going on. She has no problem reaching her inner-child, and that’s one mean little girl. Gleeful laughter while something gets pinched is pretty common. In this case she was pulling me around via some tightly attached nipple clamps and making me second guess when she was going to move. It was so fun and so childlike I almost reverted to my inner 8 year old and gave her a kick on the ankle in revenge. Fortunately my outer middle-aged person was smart enough to realize that kicking someone who has your nipples at their mercy is a bad move. Particularly when she’s wearing boots and you’re bare foot.

This image doesn’t bear much relationship to our activities tonight. No strap-on’s were involved. However, that stuck out tongue does put me in mind of children in the playground and playful teasing. Although I’m not sure how playful he’s feeling at this moment.

This is from the Strapon Tales site. I found it on the Seductive Domme tumblr.