Pick a Side

Apologies if you’ve one of the tiny handful of people who follow me on twitter, as this post is going to be a rehash of a twitter rant I posted there recently. The tweets were an experiment to see if I could use twitter threads for thoughts longer than 280 characters, and if I’d get better engagement with them. The answers were respectively ‘not easily’ and ‘no’, so I think blog posts will remain my primary form of expression.

The rant in question was brought about by multiple social media arguments I’d seen on controversial kinky activities. Topics like race play, extreme age play, incest porn/roleplay and nazi outfits. All these arguments ultimately boiled down to two basic viewpoints. On one side was ‘as long as its consensual, adults can fantasize about anything’, on the other was ‘this activity has serious implications and you’re selfish/evil for treating it as way to get off’. I think both of those can be defensible opinions. What struck me as crazy was people flipping between the two depending how they felt about the topic in question.

The ‘as long as its consensual’ view is basically a get of jail free card. It’s a perspective that puts kinky play in its own little bubble, with no obvious relationship between what happens in the bubble and the outside world. If you believe it, then you can do a non-con sex roleplay, and not think you’re encouraging rape. Or beat someone and not spend any time wondering if you’re encouraging violence. That’s a valid viewpoint in my opinion, but it’s important to realize, it’s activity agnostic. You can’t logically claim your kinks live in a bubble where consent is all that matters, but arbitrary other kinks don’t.

On the other side, I think it’s also reasonable to argue that kinks very much interact with a broader social context. For example, one could discuss the intersection of race play and racism. However, if you’re going to do that, it means all kinks have to be considered in that context. That means a lot of kinks become potentially problematic, and require deeper analysis and justification. I typically don’t see anyone out there wanting to do that work for their personal favorite kinks.

In actuality, what consistently happens is that people play the ‘as long as its consensual’ card for their favorite kinks, and then try to withhold it when the activity in question gives them yucky feelings. Which seems broken to me. Either play the card consistently and let others do the same, or don’t play it at all.

In the femdom realm the combination of cross-dressing and humiliation is one of those controversial topics that can trigger a similar ‘consensual adults’ versus ‘this is wrong’ debate. The artwork here is by Voloh.

You Do You

Mistress Evilyne has put up an excellent and very personal post on Whorearchy, the shaming of female desire and what sexual acts are appropriate for a dominant. Hint: It’s whatever they damn well decide. As she concludes the post with…

As long as you are not hurting anybody either physically or mentally, then go ahead and do what you want to do! Be you and rock it! And don’t let anyone shame you or tell you that they are better than you.

It’s a topic I’ve touched on before. The last time, in a post entitled Demarcation, I linked to writing from Domina Victoria Rage and Mistress T that made similar arguments. As I said then, I think the legal issues of sex work to tend to distort not only the topic, but even our ability to discuss it openly. For example, I wouldn’t discuss a pegging session here unless the pro-domme in question was publicly open about offering it on her site. Just penetration alone can be problematic legally, let alone if you throw an orgasm or two into the mix.

Theoretically this is only a problem in the professional realm, but in reality I think it tends to spill across all of femdom. Lacking other strong cultural models, people take cues from porn and pros. So we end up in this fucked up situation where patriarchal laws distort professional femdom, and patriarchal norms suppress other representations of femdom, and ultimately the distorted former being an outsized influence on the latter.

This is Mistress Evilyne enjoying some public humiliation play. She’s a London based pro-domme.

SPH

It’s not exactly surprising to come across online articles on sex and fetishes. The internet has many corner and niches stuffed with this material. What does surprise me is how often these articles are making there way onto more mainstream sites. I’m also frequently surprised by the quality of the articles. They’re obviously after clicks and eyeballs, but many of them take the subject seriously rather than playing it for a joke.

Take for example this Gawker peice on Small Penis Humiliation (SPH). The link to it originally caught my eye from a side bar on a random auto site I was scanning with my first coffee of the day. I didn’t expect to end up reading a lengthy article talking about cuckolding, submission and penises stuffed into toilet rolls in a break between my first few meetings. It’s not a fetish of mine, but I’m always happy to see more sensible articles on kinks pop up. Even the comments weren’t too bad, which is something of a miracle in itself.

HumilationI’m afraid I don’t know where this artwork is from. If I was guessing I’d say it’s a trimmed version of a cartoon from a old fashion adult magazine. Unfortunately a reverse image search doesn’t lead me to anything.

A chance to bare your (tiny) manhood

For the third year in succession the Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant is running. So if you’re in the Brooklyn area, and packing a tiny penis in your pants, and you like the idea of flashing it in front of a bunch of judges, then go sign up. For those who simply like the idea of looking at a bunch of small dicks, then try CSPAN it’s at the Kings County Saloon on June 13th. I realize that this information is probably only useful to 0.1% of my readers, but small penis humiliation and CFNM is definitely a kink that’s out there, so I feel I’d be slacking in my job if I didn’t cover it.

SmallDick
I believe this illustration is by John Cuneo and was featured in this Esquire article.

Pink, black and gold

I’m going to be taking a few days vacation down in San Francisco. That’s usually my cue to say that posting will therefore be a bit erratic. Unfortunately I’ve been so busy in Seattle recently, this might actually improve my chances of blogging more. Flying is usually a good chance to catch up with any writing I need to do, but given the subject matter, this site might cause a few raised eyebrows in nearby seats if anyone is peering over.

I do have some kinky fun planned for my trip. Any SF visit that missed out on that would seem like a wasted opportunity. Although scheduling it around my friends plans is proving tricky, particularly given that only a few know of my kinky interests. One thing I’m confident of is that I will not be doing is any public humiliation scenes, despite how much fun Mistress Alice and her submissive look like they’re having on the Golden Gate bridge with this one. I’d love to know how many tourists went home with a snap of them and their striking outfits to share with friends and family. No doubt it confirmed a few preconceptions about the typical inhabitant of the Bay area!

Golden Gate Humilation

You can see other shots of this scene at her tumblr post. Her main site is available here.

If anyone knows any reason why this couple…

Wedding themed shots crop up fairly frequently in femdom imagery. I guess that’s not too surprising, given there’s traditionally a power dynamic associated with a wedding day. Although I’m not really sure if they’re reinforcing or subverting a theme. On the one hand there’s the cliche of the blushing virgin bride on her wedding day being deflowered by her virile new husband. Clearly they twist that idea on it’s head. On the other hand there’s the cliche about the husband losing his freedom and being simultaneously emasculated and domesticated by his new wife. In that case they play into the idea. As an aside, I think it’s also interesting that they follow the traditional femdom porn clothing conventions. The woman is in a special outfit denoting her role (white dress/black leather) while the man is dressed conventionally (smart suit/naked).

Typically wedding themed shots don’t do much for me. However, I like this one for the barely suppressed smile on the man passing the couple by. That’s exactly the kind of half-smile I’d be sporting if I passed this pair in the street. There’s always an ongoing and never resolved debate about PDS (in fact Orlando was writing about it just this weekend), but in this case I think they’re spreading a little mirth wherever they go. Particularly if there’s a beaming bride to go with that grumpy groom.

Wedding Pair

I found this image on Red Head with a Riding Crop tumblr. My internet sleuthing leads me to believe the photographer is on flickr as m.o.n.o.c.h.r.o.m.e. Based on his portfolio it looks like a candid shot snapped in the street, rather than something posed. I also believe it was taken in Edinburgh in August, which almost certainly means it was something to do with the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. Given the leaflets the ‘groom’ is holding, I’m guessing they were drumming up support for a show they were staging. So it’s street theater rather than PDS. Does that make a difference to the debate?

Leash laws

Earlier in the week I came across this story on a public display of D/s. It’s an advice column, and featured the story of a woman taking her leashed partner for walks in a residential area. The letter writer was a concerned neighbor who wanted to know how to handle it. While the ultimate advice given was good (be friendly and don’t worry about it), the tone it was couched in was obnoxious. It seemed to have no understanding of why somebody might do it and attributed it entirely to a juvenile desire to shock.

I was pondering writing about this when, courtesy of a post from Mistress T, I was pointed to a follow-up article. The domme in question, a woman named Kai’enne, had seen the article and contacted the columnist. It’s a much more positive piece and puts across their D/s lifestyle in an understanding manner. It reflects well on all involved, although the reader comments are depressingly full of the usual hateful rubbish you might expect.

Then, just minutes after I’d read that article, I came across this post by Mistress Alex. It features leashes, public exhibitionism, bootblacking and the photograph below. I wonder what the original letter writer would have said to this scene in her neighborhood?

Mistress Alex as photographed by JE Hyatt

Mistress Alex is a NYC based pro-domme. Her blog is available here and her professional site is here.

Splat!

It’s always important to be able to give clear and unambiguous feedback on the quality of someone’s work. How else can they expect to improve? It would appear that the young lady below has certainly mastered the art. I doubt that he’ll forget to mop behind the kitchen waste bin next time.

The drawing is by Bakerman (free deviant art login required). He has created a big collection of fun femdom drawings, a lot of which feature pies to the face. They’re a little too slapstick for my personal erotic taste, but they do make me smile. For those that do savor the idea the idea of getting pied by a dominant female, then his work could be just your cup of tea (and slice of cake).

Teacher's Brow Gets Mopped by BakermanThe original title for the piece is ‘Teacher’s Brow Gets Mopped‘ and the artists description of it reads “Two young women felt this instructor wasn’t being professional, so one shoved a mop in his face while the other waited to dump muddy water over his head.”

And on the main stage…

As I’ve posted here before, CFNM doesn’t do a huge amount for me. However, I know there are fans of it amongst my readers, and this struck me as one of the more entertaining examples of the genre I’d seen. I like the expressions on the women’s faces. The one in the middle has a big smile, while the one closest the camera looks like she’s taking it a lot more seriously. I hope he’s got a really good routine lined up to entertain them with, because this looks like it might be a tough crowd.

Naked man in front of audience of clothed womenI found this on the Intellectually Frustrated tumblr by Mistress A.

The most controversial activity?

If I had to choose the most controversial and debate provoking femdom activity, I think it would come down to a run-off between scat play and forced bisexuality. I’ve posted about the former in the past and, after stumbling across the picture below, I thought it might now be time for a post on the latter.

I should be clear that the majority of my comments here relate to forced-bi in the context of pro-dommes, or casual play, rather than lifestyle relationships. I think the lifestyle dynamics are so complex and unique to each circumstance that it’s impossible to make the kind of sweeping generalities that I’m about to.

The first issue that arises for pro-dommes in this context is a legal one. If money is being exchanged for a man to be part of a scene and perform a sexual act then the domme opens herself up to prosecution under pimping and pandering laws. Those are charges that can carry very significant penalties.

Outside of the practical legal issues, I’ve also observed that some dommes have a more philosophical problem with this activity. The idea behind a forced-bi scene is that the submissive shouldn’t really enjoy it at the primary sexual level. He might get off on the idea pleasing his mistress, or with the power exchange involved, or the humiliation, but sexy fun isn’t supposed to be part of the plan. However, I’ve heard numerous dommes report that men use these kind of scenes as an excuse for doing something they secretly really want to do anyway. Five minutes into the scene and the domme is suddenly taking a backseat to the two guys getting it on. This not only undercuts the femdom ethos, it’s also manipulative and hypocritical, forcing a woman into a fake role because a man can’t admit his real desires. In fact it puts the domme firmly into the role of the pimp that the law would allege she is.

On the submissive side of the coin, forced-bi is one of the most polarizing activities in terms of the reaction it provokes. Typically when confronted with the idea of an undesirable activity, the standard male submissive response seems to be “Not really my thing, but whatever….” However, suggest forced-bi as the activity, and you’re likely to get a much more visceral and violent reaction from those not into it. For many men it is a fundamental hard limit that they dislike even talking about, let alone one that they are open to negotiating.

Personally, the idea forced-bi as it’s commonly portrayed (like the image below) doesn’t do a lot for me. This is not because I’m fundamentally opposed to the idea of another man in a scene with me. I think cuckolding scenarios can be hot, as can sissy play and gender switching. Even being topped by a dominant couple might be an interesting thing to try. But forced-bi as a kind of humiliation or punishment activity with another submissive somehow doesn’t really click with me as a femdom dynamic.

Forced-BiI’m afraid I don’t have an original source for this image. I found it on domme pics.