More Mainstream Porn stupidity

While I’m on the subject of stupidity and porn, as I was just a couple of posts ago, I should tip my hat in the direction of the NY Times. They’ve had a couple of recent articles that would fit under that umbrella.

To be fair to the first one – What Teenagers Are Learning From Online Porn – it’s hard to tell if the problem stems from the article itself or the porn education classes it’s reporting on. Possibly a little of both. It feels terribly dated, and that impression isn’t helped by the pictures that look like they’re taken from 80’s VHS tapes. Sexuality and pornography are incredibly complicated and interesting topics. Deconstructing porn and understanding how/why people use it and make it should be a fascinating area to dive into. Instead this turned it into ‘Porn isn’t real and can be bad, m-kay?’

The real stupidity comes with Ross Douthat’s column ‘Let’s Ban Porn‘. I might not agree with the title’s sentiment, but it’s a defensible one from a particular moral viewpoint. The stupidity comes when he tries to tie it to the #MeToo movement. Apparently widespread pornography has led to a lot of men who think it’s OK to sexually assault women because they’ve seen it in porn. It’s wrapped in a lot of bullshit and accompanied by much fact free hand waving, but that’s the heart of his point.

A slightly more fact based observer might note that men have being doing this shit for decades before the internet was invented. The key enablers appear to have been men in positions of power, with companies and social structures that covered for them, and a society that actively punished people for speaking up about assault. There have been some truly piss poor excuses offered by some of the men called out, but I haven’t seen any stoop so low as to blame internet porn. I’m sure they would if they thought they could get away with it.

A man trying to re-purpose #MeToo from a story about women speaking up about sexual assault into a way to push your personal politics is pretty obnoxious. And blaming internet porn for some men’s terrible behavior is a stupid as blaming comic books, rap music, movies or videogames for violence in society. Oh wait…

I guess if Ross Douthat was right, then publishing this kind of filthy pornography would actually be contributing to future sexual assaults. I guess it’s therefore a good job he’s got his head up his ass.

Updated: Thanks to a helpful comment, I can attribute this to Goddess Serena, a UK based pro-domme.

Kink with Homework

This article on Mistress Velvet is (deservedly) all over my social media feeds and inbox. The title, in classic Huffington Post fashion, encapsulates the story – “Meet The Dominatrix Who Requires The Men Who Hire Her To Read Black Feminist Theory.

It’s a surprisingly well done article. It gives Mistress Velvet space to expand on the intellectual and emotional challenges of her job, while omitting a lot of the salacious detail that usually accompanies mainstream articles like this. Her relationship as a black domme  with her mostly white, cis and well off clients is obviously a complex one. I love the fact that she’s managed to structure her sessions as positive for both her and her clients, while also creating a platform to explore issues of race and privilege.

If I’m not only doing these physical things to them, but also saying, “Hey, my graduate education is also focused on BDSM as healing for black women, and I think about this all the time.” Then they’re like, “Whoa, yeah, she’s the real deal.” They kind of get terrified. But I think it makes it more real for them.

I don’t think I’ve ever been assigned homework by a domme, but I do understand the kind of dynamic she describes above. Submissives typically enjoy things that pull them mentally back into that D/s dynamic, even many days after playing. Something as simple as a bruise can remind them of the dommes presence and physicality. I’d imagine engaging with writing and arguments that she’s passionate about would have a similar ability to conjure a sense of her presence.

Mistress Velvet is based in Chicago. If you’d like to schedule a session, her contact information is here.

Bound Cuckold

I’m not sure if this counts as a cute cuckold shot or an intense cuckold shot. Either way I like it. It avoids two of the main tropes in cuckold porn – silly expressions and racial stereotypes.  Instead there’s a heady mix of bondage, sensory deprivation, tease, denial and hot sexy fun. I’m honestly not sure which guy I’d rather be.

I’d love to know where this is from, but I’m afraid I don’t have an original attribution.

Her Cutie Pie

I’m continuing my theme of interesting things I’ve found on twitter. This is from Lady Hinako’s feed. You can even see a short video clip of the scene. The post title comes from that tweet.

I always feel that when I post images like this, I need to slather it in disclaimers. I have this mental image of someone dipping their toe in femdom, browsing this site and thinking that this represents the kind of activity they’ll need to get involved in. Or a domme seeing this and getting annoyed that the only representations of femdom are leather clad porn stars or shots like this of extreme play. I do get that, but at the same time, I love that there are people out there doing crazy stuff. It’s not so much that I want to do this myself – although I kind of do – but that I always enjoy seeing people pushing boundaries and exploring their desires. We should applaud the passionate and the unusual. They make the world a more interesting place.

Twittering

So having just burnt a series of posts on the dangers of maintaining dual identities on social media, what’s the next logical thing for me to do? Obviously it’s to create a new social media account. So you can now find me on twitter as @paltego1.

I’m not actually sure what I’m going to do with it. I originally created it just to get rid of all the ‘This media may contain sensitive material’ twitter warnings that were driving me crazy. Sensitive material is 90% of my reason for doing anything online. Then it seemed a good way to follow interesting kinky people. Now I’m debating if I should more actively manage it. Maybe use it as an overflow for links I don’t get to cover here? Or as way to bookmark articles before I have change to write in more detail on them? At the very least I can use it to publish the existence of a new post here.

If you’re a twitter user feel free to follow me and maybe I’ll end up doing something useful with it. I’ll also be on the lookout for interesting people to follow, so feel free to point me at anything or anyone you like!

Twitter does seem a particular rich source for fun kinky shots and short video clips. Most of them are casual shots snapped with a phone, but occasionally you get a gem like the one below. This is Domina M in Paris and was shot by Will Santillo.

Always something new

One of the things I love about kink is the infinite variety of possibilities it offers. There’s always a new experience or activity for me to explore. In some cases it can be a very common kinky activity that has simply never made it onto my kinky hit list. Whenever that happens it’s always slightly disconcerting. A bit like realizing there’s a cupboard in your house you’ve never actually opened, despite years of living there.

In my recent trip to San Francisco Domina Yuki used a leash on my collar to lead me around. It wasn’t a big part of the scene or in response to a request I’d made. Just a fun way for her to get me from one area to another in the play space. But as she did it I was struck by the fact it was a new experience for me. The collar and leash is a staple of BDSM porn. It’s even used as a symbol for kink in the mainstream. Yet, in years of play, I couldn’t remember ever being on the receiving end. I was so surprised at that realization I almost forgot to enjoy the moment. Almost.

This is the beautiful Mistress Iris enjoying some leash play with a slave. I found it via her twitter feed.

Cross Promotion

I received a strange but amusing sales pitch the other day. A Sarah from the ‘Crazy Pet Guy’ blog wanted to write a guest post here. Apparently she thought there was a fair amount of overlap between her pet themed site and mine. Suggested topics included:

  • When Should You Give Up and Call a Dog Trainer?
  • How to Prepare Yourself for Dog Adoption
  • The Importance of Consistency in Dog Training: Why It Works

I get a fair number of these kind of guest post requests. A few are from other kink sites, which do actually have overlap with this one. Most are random spam emails that are clearly the result of dumb algorithms. This is clearly the latter case, but it’s also the first one that is both entirely unrelated and yet weirdly appropriate. I’m fairly certain Sarah doesn’t want to write about training a human puppy, or the importance of consistency in slave training, yet I was strongly tempted to reply with a few suggested kinky topics for her to work with. After all – when is it appropriate to give up on your human puppy and call a professional domme in? Should you rub their noses in it? Is it ever appropriate to spank them with a newspaper? How do you stop inappropriate leg humping? And is crueler to use a chastity cage or simply neuter them?

I’m afraid I don’t have a source for this image.

The proliferation of animated gifs

It used to be easy to find appropriate images to illustrate my posts. I’d jump onto tumblr with a theme in mind and typically find something suitable within a few minutes. Now I try that and I’m faced with wall to wall animated gifs. They’ve gone from old fashioned and annoying web page gimmick to what feels like 90% of tumblr contents in a couple of years.

Ironically, like the Oatmeal, I’m actually a fan of animated gifs. They work particularly well for sex and kink shots. I just wish tumblr had an option to filter them out. Sadly, given the number of sites only producing movies these days, and the shift away from commercial image sets, I suspect it’s a trend that’s not about to reverse itself. With movies as source material, animated clips is the natural way to feature them.

In the meantime I’ll have to look further afield for good image sources. For example, the shot below is from twitter, specifically Mistress Amiko’s feed. So far twitter does not seem to have succumbed  to the animation craze in quite the same way as tumblr.

Behind the fantasy

Courtesy of linking from Mistress T I found this article on the rewards and challenges of being both a sex worker and a parent. I’ll admit it doesn’t really have a femdom angle to it. However, this blog relies heavily on the fantasies that sex workers help create. I feature beautiful photographs of sex workers, articles by them and descriptions of amazing scenes they help create. I therefore always appreciate the chance to acknowledge and humanize the people behind the fantasy.

I’ll add an entirely anecdotal observation of my own to the story. A lot of the pro-dommes I’ve interacted with have been very caring people and very pro-animal. They’ve kept animals, or fostered animals, or volunteered at shelters or contributed (and encouraged others to contribute) to animal charities. Obviously this is based on a very limited data set, but it does seem to me that pro-dommes at least, tend to care about animals and their welfare far more than the average person on the street does.

Of course there are always exceptions. There’s one type of animal they tend to do some really horrible things to.

This artwork is of course by the great Sardax.

Samir Abady’s Kink Series

The title of this BuzzFeed article is somewhat silly – 18 Kinky Pictures From The Gritty Underworld Of BDSM – but the photographs and the writing with them is both interesting and revealing. It’s only a ‘gritty underworld’ if your idea of BDSM consists of perfect models posing in polished fetish gear on a studio set. What these photographs show is how some kinky people explore BDSM in the real world. Ropes get knots in them, bodies aren’t perfect and you don’t need a dungeon space to get creatively kinky.

I particularly liked the story of Josh and Mistress Blunt. As a fan of mummification and breathplay myself, I can understand a little of the meditative effect it can have. The shots of them pre-session and in session (like the one below) are great.

The photographer is Samir Abady and you can the full series of 19 images in his set entitled ‘Kink’.