First Time Not So Fun

I hadn’t planned on doing multiple posts on first time experiences with a dominatrix. The previous one by Marga Gomez was simply an article that popped up in my inbox and made me smile. Yet weirdly, a day later, this video piece from Duncan Trussell on his first dominatrix experience showed up.  Even more weirdly, both Marga and Duncan are professional comedians, although their specific experiences and the context of them couldn’t be more different.

It’s hard to know what to say about Duncan’s video piece. It’s a lot less about kink, and a lot more about the human condition. His trigger for hiring a domme was the death of his mother and the resulting scene is . . . strange.

This image is kind of random. If anyone has a better suggestion for a suitable image after watching Duncan’s Vice video piece, I’d love to hear it. It’s not the kind of scene that lends itself to fun femdom shots.

No pain, No gain

After my previous yoga related post, Phil mentioned via a comment that working with a personal trainer in a gym was another BDSM like experience. He’s right of course. There’s a similar sense of being dictated to, pushing limits and suffering pain.

I have weirdly differing responses to those three different scenarios. With a domme being hurt and bossed around is hot sexy fun. With a yoga teacher I tend to be bemused about what she thinks I’m capable of and frustrated when I fail. With a personal trainer my internal unspoken reaction is one of “Fuck you! Don’t you know how heavy this thing is? Do I look like I have muscle tone? I’m in goddamn agony here!” No idea why I react so differently in these three cases. Maybe I should try combining them to see what happens?

The Fearful Symmetry

I’ve been doing yoga with an instructor over the last couple of months. I’d like to say it was all about getting in shape, but it’s really more about maintaining flexibility and not degenerating any further. In middle age you sometimes have to work just to stand still.

There are some obvious similarities between a yoga session and a BDSM session. They both feature physical discomfort, awkward positions, pushing at limits and having a woman firmly tell me “Now we’re going to do 6 more of those.” However, the slightly less obvious similarity that struck me today was about symmetry. Dommes and yoga instructors are always obsessed by it. You just know when start a yoga position or stretch on one side, you’re going to have to repeat it on the other. And any tortuous beating, piecing or pinching from a domme always has to be mirrored equally on both sides of the body.  I’ve even had dommes comment on how annoying it is if they can’t get things like marks and needles lined up neatly and symmetrically.

If there are any dommes reading this, then can I suggest occasionally trying asymmetric play? It might annoy your inner neat freak, but it will blow your submissive’s mind. Particularly if there’s no warning beforehand. We’re so trained to expect particular patterns that being random and uneven will inject a real element of surprise and uncertainty into a scene.

This image was shot by the photographer Henrieta Haniskova and is entitled ‘Yoga Dominatrix’. Yoga fans may recognize the pose. I think it’s ‘Upward Facing Dog’ but I’m far from an expert. There’s a description and fun video on the making of the image available here (also on Vimeo). Both of the models are actually yoga instructors. It’s a shame there aren’t more images from the shoot available, as it looks like they tried a lot of different positions before settling on this one.

Shush

Gags are weird. Visually, in images like this one, I find them crazy hot. That element of control and acceptance of control is a real button pusher. In actual play, my response to them is all over the map. Sometimes I love them and sometimes I hate them, and I’ve never figured out what makes the difference.

They’re not the only toy or activity I have a widely varying response to. For example, anal play can vary from awesome to ‘hell no’, but I typically understand what makes the difference. I’ve never got to that understanding with gags. Perhaps I need to experiment with them more. Despite most dungeons having a big selection of them, in my experience, most pro-dommes don’t use them all that often. Normally you either have to request them as part of the scene, or yell enough to start annoying the neighbors.

This image has been scribbled on my some silly tumblr owner, but I’m afraid I don’t have an original attribution. If anyone can help with a pointer to the creator then please let me know via the comments.

Updated: Thanks to Bacchus and this comment I got a clean and color version of the image. That in turn reminded me of an image I posted several years back. Much archive browsing got me to this post, and the conclusion that this image probably came from the sadly defunct Young Goddess site. Source successfully determined!

The ultimate kinky garage sale

Earlier this year, on the news that Kink.com was closing down its armory space in San Francisco, I pondered on what they’d do with all their fancy furniture. Now it seems we have the answer – sell it on craigslist. Or, more accurately, advertise on craigslist that they’re hosting a viewing and sale on the afternoon of the 15th.

It makes me wish I lived in San Francisco. I’d love to drop by and pick up something. I can only hope some of the furniture and toys finds its way into dungeons I frequent down there. For example, this cock pillory looks like it might be rather fun.

A waste of good alcohol

This kinky advertisement for the Oddbins wine merchant is … odd. I’m not really clear what message they’re trying to send. Plus, why would a domme spend the time to make what sounds like a very tasty cocktail, and then waste it? Surely the right plan would be to enjoy it while beating the slave, and the throw the dregs and melted ice in his face? They really didn’t think this through.

Here’s a lady who knows the right way to combine sex with a tasty beverage. Unfortunately I don’t have an original source for this image.

Dancers and Dommes

In a classic case of ‘why did nobody think of this before’, the artist Natalie Frank has done a series of painting featuring both professional dancers and professional dommes. I think that’s a very smart juxtaposition, given the physical, artistic and collaborative aspects that both professions share. That said, while I appreciate the paintings she’s created, it feels like a great idea that needs further development. There’s a sense of movement and rhythm inherent in both, and which comes through in her dancer paintings, but is less obvious in the domme ones. That set of pictures seem oddly static, which is strange given her underlying concept. I feel she captures the dynamic of the participants, without capturing the physical energy of a typical scene.

The exhibition is on display at the Rhona Hoffman Gallery in Chicago.

Damiana Chi on Buzzfeed

Buzzfeed generally produces a fair amount of dreck, but this video featuring a day in the life of Damiana Chi is pretty good (Facebook version here). Produced by Tania Safi, its features Damiana Chi, her sister Jezebel Chi and a variety of their submissives and slaves. I particularly liked Max and Roxy, whose blissed out happy sub expressions mirror the way I feel when I play.

The above image of Damiana indulging in some rope bondage isn’t from the video, but from her twitter feed. She’s an LA based pro-domme, and if you’re interested in a session, then her professional site is here.

Twitter?

I’m beginning to think I should put together a resource page for Twitter links. I’m generally not a big user of social media, but I’ve come to like it for a few select use cases. I find Twitter to be oddly good for politics and dominatrices.

Politics because it works well as a link aggregator. Following just a handful of journalists gives me pointers to a wide variety of articles with some minimal commentary. For pro-dommes it seems to have taken the place of blogs and forums as a way to share photographs, thoughts and travel plans. I guess because it’s low friction and quick to tweet something from a smartphone. It’s particularly handy for snapping images of scenes or new equipment.

A few random twitter feeds I’ve browsed through in recent days includes Isabella Sinclaire, Domina Yuki, Morgana Maye, Mistress Servalan, Lucy Sweetkill and Lady Mephista. If there’s interest in my readers in putting together a more structured list of domme’s twitter feeds then let me know and I’ll see what I can do.

This is from Lady Mephista’s Twitter. She’s a Berlin based pro-domme whose regular site can be found here.

All in the mind

I’ve a session lined up next week with a domme I’ve not played with before. She’s visiting Seattle and I thought it’d be fun to get together. As part of our initial negotiation she asked me not to masturbate in the week leading up to our session. “No problem,” I thought. “That’ll be easy.” Turns out, that wasn’t entirely true.

I maybe should have a TMI warning at this point, but frankly, given everything I share on this blog, that point was probably several years ago. The truth of the matter is, despite browsing a lot of porn for this site, I don’t actually masturbate that much. Sometimes it’s just because I’m busy with other stuff, other times it’s because I like the anticipation of pleasure to come. I regularly go a week without an orgasm, so this seemed no big deal. Yet, now she’s planted that thought in my mind, it’s suddenly constantly in my thoughts. It’s like I’m a teenager again, where it just took a tight pair of pants or the slightest glimpse of a female curve to get me horny.

In years of play, I’ve never had a domme give me this kind of instruction leading up to a sesssion. And this is one I’ve never met before. Our chemistry at this point is zero. Yet still, she’s messed with my mind. Something I might have done anyway without thinking, has become a challenge. Long term chastity aficionado’s will no doubt be sneering at my feebleness at this point, but I’m fascinated by the effect such a simple instruction has had on me.