Fm – Page 157 – Femdom Resource

Heightening the senses

A short post tonight. I’ve several lengthy ones lined up, but none of them have been beaten into publishable state.

They often say that removing one sense heightens the others. I’m sure he’d like to be able to see what is right in front of him. It looks like it’d be a very special view. However, if losing his sight heightens his sense of touch, taste and smell, then maybe it won’t be such a bad trade-off.

I found this on the Real Dominant Women tumblr. It’s an excellent tumblr, although in this particular case I think the name is a bit of a misnomer. I believe that’s Jennifer Love in a modified shot from a fairly standard porn shoot, albeit with some kinky touches.

Man with crazy hair does sensible thing

A couple of weeks ago I commented on the story of Jenna Talackova, who had been disqualified from the Miss Universe Canada for being a transgender woman. Fortunately ‘the Donald’ stepped in to allow her to compete and they’ve now changed the competition rules to allow transgender entrants in future contests.

I still can’t say I’m a fan of beauty contests or Donald Trump for that matter (although I do admire his genius for self-promotion), but it’s good to hear that they have fixed the rules. It also gives me an excuse to post this shot of the beautiful Yasmin Lee that has been lurking on my hard drive for ages, along with this second shot from the same scene. It’s from a TS seduction sequence and a couple of other images from it can be see here.

Hot or not

I enjoy deconstructing. Doesn’t matter if it’s a relationship, a conversation, a social event or a BDSM scene. I like to figure out subtext, expose hidden motives and deconstruct complex interactions into underlying ideas.

The images below got me thinking about porn, and deconstructing why certain shots work so well. Figuring out exactly why being beaten or forced to drink piss turns me on is a level of analysis beyond my primitive tools. I suspect even a tag team of Freud and Jung working around the clock might be defeated by that particular conundrum. But I can look at porn and see some of underling ideas that are important. Plus, it gives me an excuse to do a kind of ‘best of Femdom Resource’ post and re-run a few images.

One important idea is that of connection. There needs to be some, either within the scene or between me and the scene, but typically not both. For example, this shot and this shot are nice examples of connection between the actors in the scene. They’re posed for the camera, but there’s also a spark between the people. It’s easy for me to suspend my disbelief and image the scene unfolding without the camera. Alternatively, there’s the classic femdom POV shot, where I can put myself into the scene. For example, this shot or this shot. Here the connection is an imaginary one between myself and the mistress. Where porn often goes wrong is sending mixed messages on the connection. For example this shot or this shot. In both cases it feels like I’m interrupting something. They’re not connecting with their partners, and yet the style of scene doesn’t invite a connection to me.

Another idea is that of my role as viewer in the scene. Am I a fly on the wall? Imagining myself as one of the participants? Or is my role unclear? For example this shot is a definitely a fly on the wall case, where this one makes me want to be the man. Both work well. A good role can even play with the connection aspect of the scene. For example, this shot seems to suffer from the mixed connection message problem, but I like it because it has a ‘You’re Next!’ feel to it. Alternatively, in a shot like this I’ve no idea what my role is supposed to be. It’s a weird studio setting. She’s presumably supposed to be shopping but is wearing an unsuitable outfit and shoes for it. She’s in the domme role, but is wearing cuffs around her arms and a spiky slave collar type thing. I cannot create a role for myself and make sense of the scene, so it doesn’t work for me.

Clothes are often a good way to screw a shot up. For example, everything about this shot works for me, apart from her outfit. It looks uncomfortable and takes away from her dominant role. A more elegant and normal dress would actually be a lot more erotic. In contrast, this shot and this shot both have great outfits working very successfully but in totally different ways.

In the case of the Divine Bitches shots below, the clothes aren’t really a factor, but there’s clearly a good connection between the participants and I absolutely want to be the guy Mistress Dragon Lily is slapping around.

Depressingly good advice

Strange over at the Treats for the Strange blog has a “good” post on the topic of how to approach a dominant woman. I have quotes around “good” in that sentence not because I think her advice is bad or unnecessary, but because I find it depressing that these kind of posts have to keep being written.

Do not start by saying ‘I am not worth your time’.
…
Do not start by saying ‘I know I am not what you’re looking for’.
…
Do not say ‘I am a dominant, but I’d submit to you’.

When I see these statements my first thought is “Really? Do some submissive guys actually do this? How stupid are they?” Unfortunately, my follow-up thought is then about the number of times I’ve seen the same kind of advice from so many different dominant women. Which tells me that yes, if lots of dominant women feel compelled to independently repeat this, then there clearly must be a lot of submissive guys out there who need to be told. That makes me depressed. I then realize that these guys are my competition in the D/s dating pool, and yet I’m still single. That’s normally about the time I decide I need a stiff drink. And how having written this, I foresee a blend of gin, campari and sweet vermouth in my very near future.

I like this shot, but those heels look pretty dangerous for navigating stairs. I hope he’s ready to break her fall if necessary. I found the image on the GeekDomme tumblr. Which, I have to say, sounds like a truly excellent combination of characteristics.

To pee or not to pee

As I was driving into work this morning I was mulling over the erotic potential for piss play. I’m sure we’ve all been there. Traffic’s a little heavy. Idiots are randomly changing lanes while talking on their phones. I’m trying to pick my gaps, catch the lights and figure out exactly what makes urination exciting. You know, the usual commuter stuff.

To be more specific, I was actually trying to figure out a scenario where simply being peed on was hot. I know that some people find that an automatic button pusher, but not for me. I don’t find it particularly humiliating or degrading. It’s just good messy fun, a little like sploshy play. Possibly sexy, but not particularly D/s. In contrast I find forced consumption, where it’s a very careful and measured approach, with not a drop to be spilled, incredibly hot. That has a real objectification and controlling vibe to it that really works for me.

Somewhere between I-5 and my parking garage, I decided that simply being peed on could work, if there was a heavy bondage and abandonment situation built around it. That takes it into a masochistic area, with a little side helping of degradation. I was therefore very surprised and amused to get home and discover that Lady Anna’s latest post described exactly the kind of scene I had decided might work.

I took D, who was wearing a cotton overall, down into my cellar along with a small selection of steel bondage hardware. I cuffed his ankles and then I chained and padlocked his cuffs chain to a ring that is screwed into my cellar floor. I then cuffed his wrists. I pulled a small hessian sack onto his head and secured it with his leather collar. I then told him to get down on to the floor where he lay as I pissed on him. Without saying goodbye I walked out, locked and padlocked the cellar door, and then at the top of the steps I locked the top cellar door.
Lady Anna List

As a style of play it’s probably not one you’d want to share with someone just feeling their way into kink. Or one to tell your curious vanilla friends. But kind of hot in my view.

The images is from the 21sextury site and I found it on the Felm Cyber tumblr.

The first step

I have a blogging problem. I have to come clean and admit it. I’m sure a lot of you are now nodding your heads and thinking to yourself – “We already know that. We see it every single time you hit that ‘publish post’ button.” While that may be true, it’s not the immediate problem I’m prepared to talk about here. My main issue right now is the sheer number of interesting blogs out there I’d like to link to. There are just too many of them.

As you’ve probably observed, my blogroll on the right is a dynamic one, which updates and sorts itself based on the publication of new posts. That works great for 20 or 30 blogs, but not very well for 50+. I don’t want to get rid of the dynamic blogroll, but I don’t want to stop adding interesting links for readers. Either I need the world to become less interesting, or I need a better approach for linking to lots of blogs.

My solution is a new page, entitled (imaginatively enough) Femdom Blogs. This is modeled along similar lines to my Images and Equipment pages, with some approximate link categorization for a few distinct lists. This new page will always contain 100% of all the links I publish. My dynamic blogroll on the right will be a subset of that, hosting newly discovered links and links to blogs that both regularly update and are personal favorites (i.e. I read every update). This way I can keep updating the blogroll with new and interesting stuff while having a much larger static collection on a separate page.

Right now the page basically lists what is already in my blogroll, albeit with a few additions to the Sex section (Savage Love, Tiny Nibbles and Viviane’s Sex Carnival). For step two, in my post tomorrow, I’ll do some shuffling and introduce some new femdom and kink links.

In the meantime here’s a pleasant image for your viewing pleasure. It has no correlation with this post. But anyone making it this far through my random site admin thoughts deserves a little eye candy.

I came to this via the Undiscovered Limits (aka Untamed Dark Mane) tumblr. It’s originally from the Strap-on Hell site.

Spooky internet moment

Earlier this evening I poured myself a glass of wine and began browsing the archive pages of the Gorean Kajirus tumblr. It’s one of my favorite tumblrs to look at when I’m simply hunting for eye candy. The curator obviously puts a lot of effort into it, as there’s a huge amount of aesthetically and erotically interesting material. There’s beautiful women or all types, ripped guys in restraints, interesting bondage shots and fun BDSM play in many different flavors. There’s even the odd bit of auto porn.

And then, in the middle of all the visual loveliness, dear God, I spotted myself. Twice. That was a spooky internet moment. It’s one thing to appear on my own blog, or on a domme’s site. After all these shots started life on Domina Yuki’s tumblr, and I even spotted my torso on Lydia’s testimonial page the other day. However, it’s quite another sensation to stumble across them on a random tumblr. Particularly one which tends to the more aesthetic than the functional side of kink.

In the meantime, while I get over the weirdness, let me leave you with a couple of shots of genuine eye candy from that tumblr. The first I think is Goddess Miki, a pro-domme from LA who has been on my ‘to visit’ list for a while. I’ve no idea about a source for the second one.

A gleeful sadist

There are always going to be some people who have a natural ability to push your internal sexual hot buttons. I don’t meant that in an exclusionary way, in the way that some men will insist on only dating women with certain physical attributes (blonde hair or big breasts or whatever). If there’s a woman interested enough in me to consider some naked shenanigans, then far be it from me to start throwing up roadblocks in her path. But being open to alternatives doesn’t mean that all alternatives all equal. Some people can hit your libido where it hurts with just a glance. For me, that group of people would definitely include Mistress Natsukiss.

One of the things that I love about her videos and images is the very gleeful sadism that comes through. She’s not a smiling domme doing a little light bondage and sensual teasing. She’s not an ice queen, viciously beating her submissives with a snarl. Instead she inflicts some really serious sadistic punishment with a happy joyful attitude. That’s a wonderful combination.

One of my favorite scenes I have of hers involves a very heavy whipping with a single-tail. The submissive is trying to remain in position on the ground on all fours, but is losing focus with the strength of the repeated strikes. Each time he slumps she repeatedly taps her foot on the floor, and he slowly pulls himself back into the proper stance. From his viewpoint he can only see her foot, and he responds like a trained animal. It’s as if she’s giving him something of her to focus on. She just keeps smiling and whipping, bringing him obediently back into line with each stamp of the heel.

Sadly I don’t have any good images to share from that scene. Instead he’s four enjoyable shots taken from this gallery on her galleries page. I think they show her gleeful sadism pretty well. You can click on the images to enlarge them. She has also featured in a couple of previous posts, you can see here and here.

Pushing his buttons

After yesterday’s wordy ramblings, here’s a little bit of light entertainment. It’s an advertisement for the Dream Lover 2000, in the form of a flash movie (note that linked page has sound). For those that have never seen this device before, it looks like an advanced form of an electro-shock collar, but designed for a chastity device. The movie is nicely done, with a fun contrast between the upbeat lighthearted style and the function of the device being sold. In fact their whole site is a little unusual. It’s put together in a slick but quite serious way, like they’re selling training devices into a corporate market rather than a BDSM sex toy. There’s a lot of talk about operant conditioning and microchip controllers, but nothing about D/s or kink.

I thought I’d pick an image of a suitably well behaved and trained male. Here’s a little domestic service courtesy of the artist Juan Puyal. I came across it on the Femdom Style Counsel tumblr.

Alpha to Omega

Peroxide put up an interesting post recently about the desire for a man who is both a submissive and an alpha male.

I’ve been seeing a familiar refrain when dommes describe their male partners, usually along the lines of: “you would never know he’s submissive outside the bedroom” or “in his professional life he’s a real alpha male, but to me he’s submissive.”
Peroxide

He makes some interesting points and the post had a number of thoughtful and positive comments, so it’s worth reading the whole thing. It caught my attention because I’ve also noticed similar themes in blogs and forums, but I decode them slightly differently. Of course I’m not a dominant woman, and have no special insight into this particular desire. But I’ve never let a silly thing like an absence of facts or a lack of domain knowledge get in the way of my opinions before, and don’t see why I should start now.

I should begin by saying I really hate the alpha/beta terminology. It’s a reduction past the point of absurdity. No person is one thing in all situations at all times. I recently saw a comment about Ted Conferences, where someone claimed that they used to be all about the alpha males, the CEOs, but now it was full of the beta VPs. That’s perhaps an accurate description from a purely biological perspective, but it’s ludicrous given the common usage of the word. The alpha to omega classification might make sense when you’re a pride of lions, but doesn’t map at all to the kind of fluid dynamic social structures humans inhabit.

Peroxide attributes part of this common desire for an ‘alpha’ as a reaction to very non-alpha associated kinks.

Part of it I think is pushing back against the over-prevalent, sissy/forced-femme/cuckold submale fantasy that that is being pushed as the way that Femdom works.
Peroxide

I agree with the reaction part, but I’m not sure I would assign it narrowly to that specific stimulus. For one thing I don’t think that particular set of kinks are ‘being pushed’ as widely as sometimes gets attributed. They also sound like perfectly reasonable ways to play for couples that enjoy it. The use of ‘submale fantasy’ suggests those are purely male driven desires, when that’s clearly not exclusively the case.

What I’ve observed from these kind of discussions is that the desire isn’t typically for an extroverted, aggressive, alpha group leader (although it can be). It’s more to avoid a passive, unimaginative, needy wet blanket who needs to be micro-managed. I think some men interpret submissive as ‘You need to tell me what to do, I no longer should need to think.” That’s isn’t an attractive quality for most women, dominant or not.

I remember one female blogger (although I don’t remember exactly who) relating how she’d gone for dinner with a prospective submissive and he’d insisted on having her order for him, and then when that didn’t go down well, ordering exactly what she’d ordered. That was his idea of being a submissive. In many ways that kind of behavior reminds me of guys who think emailing penis shots is an appropriate introduction on a dating site. It’s a way of treating the other person as simply a delivery mechanism for their personal sexual fantasy.

I’d suggest that confidence, competence and empathy are three of the most desired characteristics. That’s the ability to understand what the other person wants, and the ability to provide it in a drama free fashion, no alpha chest beating required. Of course, I haven’t exactly been tearing up the kinky dating scene recently (or ever), so caveat emptor.

For images I’ve gone with some shots of men making themselves useful. The first came via the GeekDomme tumblr. The second is another image from Domina M.