William Saletan on BDSM (again)

Regular readers may remember this previous post critiquing William Saletan’s BDSM articles at Slate. His latest offering is considerably better that his past efforts, but that’s not exactly a high bar to aim over. There’s actually some real data in this new article, although his thinking remains flabby and his reasoning haphazard.

He doesn’t seem to understand common activities like piercing or electrical play, or when tools like safewords might be needed, and therefore makes foolish sweeping statements. He correctly states that BDSM participants are not a single homogeneous group, but finishes with a set of conclusions that implies they are. I also think his concerns about exploitation based on the gender percentages in the top/bottom roles makes no sense in the framework he presents them. However, I’m going to ignore all that, and instead talk about a single issue he raises: Is BDSM an orientation?

This is a hot button topic for some kinky people, who get quite passionate about it. He implies it’s not because some fraction of people only dabble in kink. Personally I think the whole discussion is a red herring.

The people who argue that it is an orientation often seem to draw from, or adopt similar arguments to, some of the recent debates on gay rights. The religious right would argue that being gay was a choice and therefore gay people were choosing to give up their right to marry. Presumably they thought that people were being gay just to spite them. The obvious counter argument was that homosexuality was an intrinsic part of someone’s identity, and it was therefore unfair to penalize someone for something they had no control over.

I think getting dragged into that kind of discussion misses the point on two counts. Firstly, when you’re dealing with prejudice and bigotry, any apparently logical argument offered is really just a smokescreen. If you knock it down they’ll simply move on to another. The color of someone’s skin is clearly intrinsic to a person, but that didn’t stop society withholding civil rights from minority groups for many years. They simply picked a different reason to do so. Secondly, there are plenty of examples of society protecting the rights of groups that are the result of choice. For example, nobody pops out of the womb with a specific religious affiliation, despite what some religions may claim. Yet religious freedom is something society chooses to legally protect.

Rather than arguing that particular groups are special, we should be arguing for a culture that has a strong bias to protect people’s rights to live their lives as they see fit. And if you’re going to claim that their freedom to do so harms you in some way, then that had better be some clearly provable harm that we’re talking about. Not just that you think it’s icky to have a co-worker who might be into BDSM. Or that you think there’s some risky but undefinable moral hazard to having kinky people bring children up.

I wasn’t really sure what photograph was suitable for accompanying this post, so I thought I’d simply continue the medieval theme from yesterday. Mr Saletan seemed particularly concerned about knife play. I wonder what he’d make of bloody big sword play?

Sword Play

The image is by the photographer Jerrell Edwards (also on deviant art). I found it on Thy Queendom Come, Thy Will Be Done tumblr.

Gripping and grinning

I had a number of topics I wanted to write about this weekend, but social events and sunshine got in the way. So I’ll keep this short and leave you with a simple but enjoyable image of gripped nipples and big grins. In her case I think the expression is one of straightforward delight. In his, there’s a probably an element of surprise and pain, but I think there’s still a big smile in there somewhere.

Gripped Nipples

The image is originally from Divine Bitches. I found it on the Girls Rule, Subs Drool tumblr.

Drippy

I love wax play. It combines masochistic pain with a soothing warmth. Unlike a cane strike, where the initial blow is nothing compared to the sting that comes later, wax pain is all about the first splash. Once you’ve survived that, you get to enjoy a beautiful sensation as it slowly cools.

The only problem with it is the days you’ll spend afterwards digging bits of wax out of odd crevices. Sand from the beach has nothing on molten wax.The gentleman in the image below was at least wise enough to shave beforehand. I can personally attest that the pain of hot wax is nothing compared to the pain of someone forcefully scraping cold wax out of pubic hair.

Wax

I found this on the Mujeres Dominantes tumblr. Judging by the linked Dick-n-Jane page it seems like this particular candle is more about massage than BDSM, which I personally think is a shame.

Harmony restored

Here’s an image to restore mental peace after the battle of the last post. My lizard brain can enjoy the attractive dominant lady, her leather garb and that excitingly tight top. My simian brain nods approvingly at the outdoor appropriate clothing, the hefty chain leash and the appropriately positioned slave.

The lady in question is, of course, the wonderful Mistress T. She recently seems to be on a one women mission to make the already fine city of Vancouver an even more exciting location to live. This image was shot far from there, in my old part of the world, for the English Mansion site.

Mistress  T - Outside shot for the English Mansion

I found this image on the Rebel Mistress tumblr.

Battle of the brains

This is the kind of image that kicks off a fight between my lizard brain and my simian brain. It’s a nasty no holds barred affair that, unfortunately, is usually won by my simian brain.

The lizard brain always gets the first few shots in. It’s very shouty – “Naked Lady! Nice thick rope. Leashes are hot. Cute expression on him. Long legs! Butt! Boobs! BOOBS!” It does likes boobs.

While the simian brain is a little slower to start, it tends to finish stronger. There are less boobs and more – “Why are her legs shiny? Did she oil them? And, if so, why? Where did she get the oil from? They’re in some sort of derelict building or underpass. How would they end up naked there? Is she cold? That floor looks stony. I’ve got to think taking her shoes was an unwise move. His ripped jeans are a little dated. Although maybe they’re coming back. Did I give my ripped jeans to Goodwill? Am I too old for that look? I reckon I could still pull it off. Sorry, what was I looking at again?”

Rope leash

I found the image on the domina girl tumblr. I’m afraid I don’t have an original attribution for it.

Artistic inspiration

When I first saw this image I thought something about it looked familiar. Then I spotted the drawing against the wall. They’re re-creating a scene by the famous Japanese artist Namio Harukawa. I think that’s a great idea. As far as I can tell this is a one off for the back-cover of a face sitting video (with what looks like possibly stolen Sardax artwork on the front), but I think it’d make for a fascinating theme for a photographic series. I’ll personally volunteer for helping re-create Rodzo or Stanton images. On the other hand, Augustine or Annmo Knight might be a little more challenging.

Recreation of Namio scene

A sign of something

My first thoughts on seeing this weren’t the standard – wow, hot image. Neither were they orientated around my desire to be him (which certainly exists) or how attractive she is (which is certainly true). Instead they ran more along the lines of ‘Nice tiling. I like that shower design. I wonder how it integrates into the rest of the room?’ This is either a sign that I’ve seen too much porn (probably true) or that I’m getting old (undoubtedly true).

Given that I’m sadly turning into someone who thinks more about bathroom fixtures than anilingus, I’ll leave you with a pointer to D’s post on ass worship. Somebody around here needs to provide the interesting sex talk if it’s not going to be me.

Rimming in the shower

This image is originally from the Joymii site. I found it on the Domme and Pet in Love tumblr.

New Femdom Links Page

I’ve added a new page for what I think of as generally useful femdom links. Arguably most of my pages would fit that description, but calling it ‘Links to stuff that didn’t fit neatly on other pages’ would have made a mess of the menu at the top. It replace my old BDSM articles page that was gradually atrophying for lack of attention. Most of the old entries there were transferred across, plus I added a bunch of new ones to places like: All Star Doms, Reddit Femdom, Femme Fatale Directory, HogSpy, Femdom City, Tickleberry, etc.

The image below has absolutely no relationship to the change above. I just wanted something visually appealing and hot to finish the post. I think it makes the grade on both those points. He has a great puppy look.

Wistful Look

I found this image on the Brooding Bottom tumblr. It’s originally from the Subby Hubby site.

Lose Control

I was happy to notice the Lunar Black tumblr had recently sprung back into life. That is against the typical sequence of events for tumblrs. They typically either grind to an indefinite halt or vanish into thin air without so much as a by-your-leave. There are not a huge number of artwork themed femdom tumblrs, so I’m glad we didn’t lose this one.

The image below is by the artist sadademort (free deviant art login required) and is called ‘Lose Control’. I discovered it via this post on the aforementioned Lunar Black tumblr. I’m not sure that arm bondage is strictly up to code, but I do like the energy and sense of the D/s dynamic that it captures.

Lose Control by sadaemort

How about a kiddie pool and a lama?

I was highly entertained by this short animated film featuring a particularly hapless ‘submissive’. He manages to provide an excellent example of two particularly annoying traits. There’s the excessive use of honorifics and what I like to think of as Meat Loaf syndrome – ‘I’ll do anything for you….but not that‘.

When it comes to honorifics I tend to veer strongly in the other direction, and omit them unless it’s really clear that I shouldn’t. Partly that’s down to playing a lot with Lydia. She’s not big on protocol and formality. I don’t think I’ve ever called her ‘Mistress’ in a scene and that has conditioned me for when I play with other people. It’s also partly because using formal honorifics doesn’t do much for me. I’m happy to address people however they desire, but I don’t get a buzz out of using a formal title. Perhaps in a more structured and personal D/s relationship it’d make more sense, but for casual play I tend to default to first names unless I’m told otherwise.

For online interaction I like the advice in this thread from Mistress Lilyana. Adopt the username that you’d like to be called. And, the logical inverse of that, call people (at least to start with) by whatever username they publish. That makes life simple.

Hotel Room by Robejavascript:;rt Recker

The image is from Mistress Lilyana’s tumblr. My internet sleuthing tells me it’s by the German photographer Robert Recker and is from a sequence simply called Hotel Room.

Oh, and if anyone’s wondering about the post title, you need to listen closely to what the guy in the animated clip is really into.