Undesired desires

Metro recently published an interview with Goddess Avivia that made me laugh. For the most part it’s a pretty standard mainstream magazine interview with a pro-domme. That is to say, it’s generally positive with an minor undercurrent of sneering and sensationalism. It also has the requisite reference to submissions all being rich alpha types that always bugs me. The bit that made me laugh was this…

Most of my clients are privileged white men: 6-feet tall, fit, in their 30s, usually working in a high-powered position. These men are used to being in control, getting what they want and having women cater to their desires. It’s exciting for them to experience the polar opposite of their day-to-day.

As regular readers will be aware, I’m huge fan of pro-dommes and always enjoy playing with them. And I’m sure that Goddess Aviva is a lovely person and an excellent domme. However, I’m also pretty certain that all her 6 foot tall clients are getting exactly what they want and are still having a woman cater to their desire. That is, after all, what they pay for. It might be unusual to desire to be beaten or humiliated or peed on by an attractive woman, but it’s still a desire. Unless of course they have been prescribed invigorating beatings  for the good of their health, and really don’t enjoy them at all.

I understand what she’s getting at, but the wording did make me smile. I’ll leave you with an old image of Mistress Madeline apparently refusing to give her slave what he desires.

So it’s come to this

This is, I swear, my last retrospective post to commemorate my 2000th post anniversary. If I’m not careful I’m going to be still writing about it when post 3000 rolls around. So normal service will be resumed tomorrow.

Until then, let me finish by sharing links to some of my favorite past posts. These are the ones I most enjoyed writing and I think best represent what I’m trying to do here. So here, in no particular order, is my top 10.

  1. The post ‘Reality and Physicality‘, featuring a quote from the book Neuromancer, captures a sensation from kinky play that I often experience, but haven’t seen described elsewhere. It also features some lovely shots of Domina Yuki.
  2. I’ve frequently posted on the silly stereotype that most submissive men have stressful high power jobs and like the chance to unwind in a dungeon (for example here). I think this particular post is the best rant I’ve managed to date on that.
  3. Stupid legal situations have been another good area for angry cathartic posts, particularly featuring the UK. This was the one that made me laugh the most.
  4. This post on Bob Flanagan wasn’t anything too special, but it did trigger one of the most interesting comments I’ve ever had (from scott Kelly).
  5. This post and it’s more constructive follow-up highlighted an issue in scene negotiation that has bitten me in the past. Hopefully they might have saved others from a similar situation.
  6. My posts obviously rely a lot on artwork created by others. This post had one of the cutest pieces, and also addressed an important issue.
  7. You can prove anything with statistics – including the fact that more people fantasize about being peed on that watched the 2014 World Series.
  8. Large tech companies doing stupid things with adult content is a frequent and significant problem. I thought this post on why that might happen presented a perspective on it that’s rarely heard.
  9. BDSM bloggers often write about pain in scenes, but less frequently address how stress can build up in play. I thought Accumulating Stress and it’s follow-up Relieving Stress were an interesting take on that.
  10. Being listed as a top sex blogger back in 2012 was nice, but even better was the chance to write this Colbert-esque acceptance piece.

For images I hunted back to find something that I really liked. Expressions and smiles have been a common theme and it seemed appropriate to repeat that. Not to mention some cool suspension rope bondage.

Past Play

I thought I’d continue my 2000th post celebration with a somewhat self-indulgent review of a few of my more interesting sessions over the years. The list below wasn’t necessarily chosen based on pure enjoyment – although some were definitely that – but more on memorable moments that stuck with me.

  1. There was the time I tried to beat a heavy cold through the healing power of BDSM. That didn’t work out too well.
  2. I’ve been decorated in a wide variety of ways over the years. A Victorian Christmas Tree with Lydia and a Tailors Dummy with Cynthia Stone stand out in my memory. The blood decorated plaster cast also by Cynthia rates an honorable mention.
  3. Lydia was always an expert with needles. I loved the beautiful design she did on my back in 2015. The session I nicknamed Gulliver’s Travels was also a really interesting use of needles and twine.
  4. The most unusual technique I’ve experienced was probably a Staple Zippering. I’ve never seen this done anywhere else and domme’s I’ve described it to tend to look at me like I’m crazy.
  5. It wasn’t all needles and surgical staples when playing with Lydia. There was the time I almost kicked her on the ankle. Fortunately, my sense of self-preservation kicked in just in time.
  6. I’ve had countless great sessions over the years and documented a few of them here. There’s only ever been one really bad session when things went sour. I wrote about that here and here. I never did play with that unnamed domme again.

I’ll finish with an image of my favorite domme indulging in one of my favorite activities – breathplay. Nothing pushes me more quickly into subspace than a domme playing with my oxygen supply.

Post MM

This is my 2000th post. I find that fact astonishing. I launched the blog in September of 2010, exactly 2395 days ago. That means I’ve average a post roughly ever 28 hours for the last 6 or so years. Putting it another way, estimating the average post to take 45 minutes, and assuming a standard 40 hour work week, I’ve spent just over 37 weeks on the full time job of blogging. As jobs go, it’s certainly a satisfying one, although the salary of negative several hundred dollars a year could be better.

Thanks to everyone who has commented on the blog, emailed me, linked to me, written posts I’ve shared or published images I’ve used. Thanks in particular to all my readers. If nobody ever showed up, I doubt I’d have made it to 200 posts, let alone 2000. I hope I’ve added a little kinky happiness into people’s lives over the years.

I’ll probably do some more follow-up thoughts in a subsequent post. For the moment I’m just going to bask in the achievement of making it this far. For my 1000th post I featured the artwork of the talented Yumine Guo. Let me continue that tradition in post 2000. I’m feeling pretty pleased at making it this far, and here’s a lady looking equally happy with herself.

If you like Yumine’s work then consider support her Patreon.

Behind the fantasy

Courtesy of linking from Mistress T I found this article on the rewards and challenges of being both a sex worker and a parent. I’ll admit it doesn’t really have a femdom angle to it. However, this blog relies heavily on the fantasies that sex workers help create. I feature beautiful photographs of sex workers, articles by them and descriptions of amazing scenes they help create. I therefore always appreciate the chance to acknowledge and humanize the people behind the fantasy.

I’ll add an entirely anecdotal observation of my own to the story. A lot of the pro-dommes I’ve interacted with have been very caring people and very pro-animal. They’ve kept animals, or fostered animals, or volunteered at shelters or contributed (and encouraged others to contribute) to animal charities. Obviously this is based on a very limited data set, but it does seem to me that pro-dommes at least, tend to care about animals and their welfare far more than the average person on the street does.

Of course there are always exceptions. There’s one type of animal they tend to do some really horrible things to.

This artwork is of course by the great Sardax.

When a switch marries a domme

I’m guessing from her expression, his desire is likely to go unfulfilled. Or maybe he can be the dominant one, just as long as he does exactly as he’s told.

This drawing for Playboy magazine is by the British cartoonist Francis Wilford Smith. According to his Wikipedia page he was a man of many talents. He did cartoons for Punch, Esquire and The New Yorker. He worked on advertising campaigns for major companies, wrote books on pin-up magazines and was a collector and expert on Blues and Gospel music.

An unusual momento

Like a lot of submissives, I appreciate having something to remind me of an enjoyable play session. It might be bruises from a cane, a hidden bitemark or, as was the case a few weeks back, a heart carved into my chest. Days or even weeks after the event, seeing these physical reminders can put a smile on my face and a little rush of happiness in my heart. Most don’t last much beyond that. Even the scalpel work on my chest is slowly fading and will probably be gone by the end of the month. And yet this weekend I stumbled across something from a session back in 2011 that achieved that same effect. It was a jar of Crystal Hot Sauce.

I’m a keen cook. I’m also pretty organized about labeling, checking dates and throwing old stuff out. Despite this, like a lot of kitchens, I still have that one shelf where odd cans and unused jars migrate to. It’s the graveyard shelf, where strange non-perishable items that I’ll probably never use lurk. I decided to dig up and cleanse my kitchen graveyard this weekend, and the Crystal Hot Sauce was lurking right at the back, unopened. I stared at it for a good while before I remembered the reason I’d purchased it. It was because Lydia had dripped it all over my cock back in a chemical play session in 2011.

I guess technically I didn’t buy it because of its effect on my genitals. At the end of the session I’d tasted it – from the bottle not the cock – and thought it was pretty good. I even said so in my post at the time, and added I’d be purchasing it to keep in the kitchen. I’m clearly a man of my word. That jar, purchased a day or two after the session, stayed unopened in my kitchen for 2171 days.

It’s sadly gone now. It probably lasts forever, but I figure if you don’t use a sauce in the first 6 years of its life, you’re probably not going to use it in the next 6. However, before it disappeared to the big BBQ in the sky, it did give me a smile and a burst of happy memories of that session with Lydia.

This is Mistress Sidonia of The English Mansion doing some chemical play of her own. In this case she’s going in the opposite direction to hot sauce, with a deep cold rub. I’m sure it’ll be equally invigorating for the man in the bed.

Making himself useful

Continuing my image theme from yesterday’s post of public objectification, here’s a man making himself useful. She gets somewhere comfortable to rest while texting her friends. He gets to provide her with somewhere comfortable to rest while texting her friends. It’s a win-win.

As a side observation, it does seem that the style of public play scenes often differs between Asian countries and US/Europe. Obviously I’m broadly generalizing here, and only going from what photographs show up on-line, so treat this as a very casual observation. But it seems when US/Europeans make a scene in public they do it in  a very clearly kinky way, often with props and costumes involved. I’m thinking of images like this or this or this. These feature people who clearly left home with a kinky plan to execute. In contrast a lot of images I’ve featured from Asian countries look like this or this or the image below. They have a more casual look and a sense of normality to them. You can almost believe that they’re going about their daily lives, just with a kinky slant. It’s a style I personally find a lot hotter than the overtly fetishistic public scenes.

 

5 signs you’re reading a crappy magazine

Femina, an Indian magazine for women, has 5 signs that you might be a dominant woman. It’s kind of amazing, although not in a good way. Apparently, liking to have sex on top, initiating sex or simply showing a man how you like to have sex is a sign you might have dominatrix tendencies. I guess non-dominant women are expected to lie on their backs, wait for their partner to notice them, and just hope that whatever their partner likes also gets them off.

There’s certainly value in articles emphasizing you don’t need to have a wardrobe full of leather and the ability to swing a bullwhip to be a dominant woman, but this kind of bullshit is pretty depressing. The subtext is that sane and entirely normal sexual behavior for a man, like initiating sex or wanting to be sexual adventurous, is kinky for a woman. I guess the options according to this magazine are either doormat or dominant.

Oddly, the idea of standing on your partner to reach high shelves doesn’t seem to be covered by any of the article’s 5 signs. Although since having sex on top is dominant, maybe shopping on top falls into the same category?

I’m afraid I don’t have an attribution for this image.