Tag: F

I apologize in advance for this post. Not for the opinions it expresses, but because it’s light on femdom and mostly me ranting. However, I figure it’s my blog, and I’m entitled to the occasional self-indulgence now and again.

A couple of weeks ago I covered the story of Stoya and her accusation of rape against her former partner James Deen. Since then multiple other women have come forward with more accusations of consent violation (I believe 8 is the current count) and porn companies have cut their ties with him. In general the response has been very supportive of Stoya.

Unfortunately, there’s one particular comment that regularly gets trotted out in these conversations that drives me nuts. It’s the one that declares he’s innocent until proven guilty and that we shouldn’t be making a judgement until he has had his chance to defend himself in court. Phrases like ‘vigilante justice’ and ‘social media witch hunt’ often get cited. What’s particularly galling is that these people often seem to assume that they’re occupying the moral high ground. Everyone else is picking sides but they’re claiming a higher position and upholding the standards of justice and fairness that are the hallmarks of a civilized society. That attitude is, quite frankly, total horseshit.

In this situation there are only three possible positions. You can choose to disengage from the debate, skip the articles on it and venture no opinion. You can choose to believe James. You can choose to believe Stoya. That’s it. End of options. Saying that he is innocent until proven guilty is to say by default you believe him over Stoya (and all the other women). You could equally choose to believe Stoya until he can prove otherwise. The former position is not automatically a neutral or morally superior one. Yes, it sucks that it’s his word against hers (and hers and hers and…). It would be great to have solid irrefutable proof of what happened. But unfortunately life sometimes gives you shitty options to choose between. So suck it up.

Assuming innocence until proven otherwise is great if we’re talking about jailing someone, but it’s a hopeless way to try and navigate through life. If a friend comes to me and says his partner violated his consent I don’t get the luxury of saying – “Well I’m sorry to hear that. And maybe it’s true, but obviously it’s not proven. Why don’t we get 12 of our friends together and let’s see if you can prove it to them beyond reasonable doubt? Then I’ll be able to take it seriously.”

I’m not saying we should automatically believe all accusations regardless of context or the individuals involved. Or that Deen should be jailed based on a twitter poll. Or even that you have to believe Stoya (although that’s my position). Just don’t try and pretend that putting the burden of proof entirely on the accuser is the morally superior position. Life isn’t black and white, and isn’t conducted in a courtroom.

I’m not really sure what image should accompany this kind of post. I guess a powerful Amazonian warrior works as well as anything, so here you go. This is by SurenProPhotography.

I don’t feature Stoya very often on this blog, despite having a minor crush on her. She has a shining intelligence (clearly visible in her blog and tumblr), coupled with elegant and classically beautiful looks. Unfortunately, from the perspective of this blog at least, most of her films are either straight sex or skewed more towards a M/f dynamic. Hence, I rarely have an opportunity to post about her. Given the circumstances of this particular post, I really wish that could have continued to be the case.

She’s just published via her twitter account that her ex-boyfriend and occasional co-star James Deen had previously raped her. Given it’s just a couple of tweets there’s obviously limited detail, but she accuses him of physically assaulting her and ignoring her safeword. I’ve read negative comments about his attitude and approach to consent from other actresses in the past, but never anything quite as clear and unambiguous as this.

The reason I bring it up here is because I think it’s beholden to anyone who looks at pornography to be informed about how it’s made and who is involved. Some anti-porn people will claim that it can never be safely used, as you never know the circumstances in which it is made. That is, quite frankly, bullshit. I’ve no way of knowing about the person who made my shoes or stitched my shirt. Most things in life, from food through to electronics, come to us with very little background information. Occasionally there’s a scandal that makes the headlines, but most of us are blind to the source of 99% of what we consume.

Pornography, in contrast, is relatively easy to track. Actors and directors write blogs, post tweets, visit conventions and hold interviews. Some people visit sets and some companies conduct tours. That’s not to say all porn is made ethically and transparently. Like all part of life there are bad people doing bad things. But from a consumer point of view, it’s one of the easier industries to educate yourself about.

James Deen has made a lot of kinky porn over recent year, and has been featured regularly on the kink.com family of sites. Personally I’ll be avoiding any purchase that would potentially contribute to his bank account from now on. I can’t tell anyone else out there if they should follow suit. But at least if you’ve read this post you’ll be able to make a slightly more informed decision.

Given the context of the post I didn’t want to feature a particularly sexually explicit image. This is Stoya modelling as Neil Gaiman’s Death character from the Sandman series.