Trying too hard

It’s time for another post where I rag on celebrities for getting BDSM outfits wrong. Normally I’m complaining that wearing a leather jacket or a pair of boots does not constitute a BDSM outfit. In this case the problem is the opposite one.

Nobody could accuse Nicki Minaj of being subtle at the recent Billboard Music Awards. She’s got latex, chains and leather everywhere. There’s even backing dancers in pink gas masks. I’m just not sure what the hell’s going on with this outfit. It’s like she went drunk shopping at a fetish store closing down sale, and then decided to wear everything at once. Although I guess it does succeed in one respect. If I saw a domme coming at me in this outfit, I might not think it was sexy, but I’d definitely be scared.

Sun and Kink in Seattle

As weekends go, this one didn’t suck. It was my birthday, so I had many drinks with friends to celebrate that. After a wet and miserable winter, we finally got some beautiful sunny weather in Seattle. And finally, best of all, I got to play with Mistress Mara Mayhem.

Regular readers with good memories may remember I last got together with Mistress Mara in Chicago last year. This time she was visiting Seattle and, despite a tight schedule, we managed to fit in a session on Sunday afternoon. It was a lot of fun, despite a rookie error on my part. I thoughtlessly mentioned it had recently been my birthday which, for pretty much every domme in the world, can mean only one thing – birthday spanks. You can see the end result on my posterior in this twitter picture Mistress Mara shot. I will not say how many spanks it was, but I think it’s safe to say my ass will be red for a few days to come.

This is the beautiful Mistress Mara in a shot from her twitter feed. I believe it was taken immediately before our session. If you’re interested in arranging a session with her then this is her site.

Needle Smart

Melissa Febos is back in the news to annoy my over my morning cup of tea. For those that haven’t heard of her, she’s the author of a book called Whip Smart about her time working as a pro-domme in a dungeon in NYC. Her story is a familiar one. Full of the confidence and immortality of youth, our author-to-be does a bunch of drugs and develops a heroin addiction. She then spends several years trying to combine a normal life, a drug habit and a secret job that can sustain said habit. Eventually she kicks the drugs, ditches the job and writes a book about how crazy it all was. It’s a time honored tale, and one practiced by many authors.

I’m happy she got clean, got published and got a different job that she’s clearly better suited for. What annoys me is that in the countless interviews she does, she never provides broader context for domination or shows any self-awareness of herself in the bigger kinky picture. You get the impression she thinks she’s a truly representative example of a dominatrix and is providing a valuable insight into that world. Where in reality she was hired as a pretty face, working with zero training in a McDungeon. It’s a bit like a 3rd string quarterback, who never made it beyond the practice squad, writing a book on being a professional NFL player. He might have a great personal story, but he’s not exactly Tom Brady. In that case I’m sure he and his interviewers would understand that. In the case of Febos and her coverage, I’m not sure that distinction gets drawn.

I also find it odd that the dangers of what she did never get addressed. For example, she did risky kinky activities like breathplay while high on drugs. I wonder how the interviews would have gone is her side gig had been say a carer at an old peoples home? I’m guessing all the funny stories about the stupid shit she did with the crazy patients while on heroin wouldn’t have gone down so well.

The other thing that bugs me – while I’m ranting here – is how she trades on her time as a dominatrix while also complaining about people bringing it up. Several times in this recent Guardian article she writes disapprovingly about people mentioning it, and is mad that a colleague makes a joke about it. You don’t get to write a book, and do countless interviews on a subject to flog said book, and the declare it off limits for comments. If you’re making money off it, you should probably learn not to be embarrassed by it.

Mistress Mattisse wrote a review of the book and also chatted to Febos. I think she covers the issues pretty well.

Melissa FebosPhotograph is of Melissa Febos. Post title and ‘McDungeon’ stolen shamelessly from Mistress Matisse.

Living the dream

I was lucky enough to realize a long held dream of mine this weekend. I got to play with Isabella Sinclaire.

For those that don’t know of her work (shame on you), she’s a famous and very talented domme, who I’ve mentioned here in previous posts. I first became aware of her thanks to the Ivy Manor films she did with Jewell Marceau back around 2000. At the time my kinky life lived in fantasy only, and the films and her presence completely grabbed me. It’s hard to believe I’d one day be lucky enough to end up tied to her table.

Her approach to playing reminded my a lot of Lydia. They both possess the confidence, skills and experience to riff on a theme, reading body language and organically building layers of sensation. Rather than working through a specific pre-determined plan, there’s a sense of working towards a know goal but improvising a lot of the steps along the way. In my case some of those steps involved a tens unit, a beautifully thrown single tail and suturing around the nipples, cock and balls. It was a fantastic experience.

Please note that my comparison shouldn’t be taken as a criticism of the other dommes I play with. There are a lot of different but equally great ways to construct a scene and top someone. I’ve always tried to play with different dommes and enjoyed their unique slants on domination, even when Lydia was still around. I’ve just never before encountered anyone who reminded me so much of her general approach as Isabella did, even while their styles were still very much their own.

If you’re in the LA region and interesting sessioning with Mistress Isabella, her professional site is here. She also organizes a Domme Collective, featuring many talented professionals.

Does this hurt? How about now?

I think all good sadists have a touch of the mad scientist in them. They’re not content with making it hurt. They also have questions. How much does it hurt? What about here compared with here? What if I squeeze? Was that a yes or a no? What if I do it again? What if I turn it up and squeeze?

I had a great session with Mistress Lucy yesterday, which featured many of these questions. She particularly enjoyed testing where her Tazapper hurt the most. Oddly enough, despite testing it on the more obvious delicate and protruding areas, I think the final answer was in the armpit. I guess that’s what a good mad scientist does. Don’t waste time guessing or making assumptions. Just jam that probe in and see what jumps.

This is a shot of Mistress Lucy I found on her twitter feed. Not exactly sure what’s going on with that pole, but it definitely got a bit of a (sexy) mad scientist vibe to it.

My super secret list

I wrote a few weeks ago about a bottle of hot sauce triggering memories of an old session. Today I had an equally unusually object trigger some fond kinky thoughts – my Garmin GPS system.

I have one of those portable GPS units you can stick on a windscreen. I find it easier to use than a phone when I’m driving. I think it covers the whole of North America but I’ve never really tested that, as the only place it ever gets used is Los Angeles. I know my way around Seattle, and in most other cities I stick to public transport and Lyft. LA is the only place I visit where a car is a necessity. That means its historical log of past locations only has LA addresses in it. And, given this is me we’re talking about, a lot of those addresses are LA dungeon spaces.

I was scrolling through it last night with a big smile on my face. They would have looked like random addresses to anyone else, but to me they were reminders of particular kinky experiences. There was the place in the valley I was almost an hour late to, thanks to LA traffic. Cynthia Stone’s old location. The very first place I met Mistress Lucy, as well as her new space. Several random spaces I only visited once. An odd apartment complex in downtown where I misread the parking signs and had my hire car towed. I guess that last one wasn’t such a great memory, but in general there were a lot of fun times captured in that old address list.

Anyone who has arranged a session with a pro-domme will know they guard their locations very carefully. You don’t get the address until you’ve been checked out and you’re about to meet them. I can therefore only hope my GPS unit never falls into the wrong hands. It’d be a goldmine for finding LA’s kinky hotspots.

It’s tricky to find a femdom image featuring a GPS theme, so instead here’s a shot of a pioneering and talented driver from a pre-GPS era. This is Genevra Delphine Mudge, widely considered to be the first female racing driver. She was also the first woman in the US to be issued with a drivers license.

You should have seen the other guy

In keeping with the somewhat serious and extreme theme started in yesterday’s post, here’s an image from Empress Jennifer’s twitter feed that’s guaranteed to make every guy wince.

I’ve no idea if it’s a genuine shot from a ball-busting scene or not. It would seem crazy if it was, but I’ve learned that it’s a big wide world, and some people player harder than I can ever imagine. I remember one pro-domme telling me about a ball-busting scene she’d done where the skin on the client’s penis split and peeled back. Given I was naked, bound and very vulnerable at the time, it was a story that really that caught my attention. Her amazing follow-up comment was that the guy hadn’t wanted to stop. Erect and bloody, he wanted to keep the kicks coming. That’s a level of masochism I have trouble relating to. And for everyone out there now wondering what the hell they just read, I can only apologize for implanting that particular mental image.

Working the pole

I think this falls into the strange but kind of cool category. Pole dancing requires incredibly stamina and athleticism. I can’t imagine that doing it with a strap-on makes it any easier. I’m also not sure why you would, but I’m certainly not going to object.

Amusingly when I do a reverse image search for this, Google suggests the title ‘hardwood’ and then links to hardwood flooring. It is a kind of hard wood, or a hard pink something, but not quite the kind of hard Google has in mind. The search algorithm clearly thinks the floor is the most interesting thing about this image. AI has a long way to go.

I’m afraid Google’s search failure leaves me unaware of the source for this.

Skool Daze

Servitor was taking me to task for the spelling in the title of my previous post. In my defense, while memento might be the standard spelling, there is a wiktionary definition page for momento. And, as we all know, any page on a site beginning with ‘wiki’ is always 100% reliable. I actually like the idea of a momento being a memento of a moment but, if I’m honest, it was more a typo than anything else.

He suggests writing lines in a classroom scene would be a suitable punishment. I’ve nothing against a classroom scene, but writing lines sounds awfully boring. I’d rather take 6 of the best. Or maybe 12. Perhaps even 18? I’d be willing to misspell more things in future if necessary. In fact, given my proofreading abilities, that’s one thing I can guarantee.

Pegging Prep

Domina Victoria Rage has a published an updated version of her preparing for pegging post. It’s a handy guide on why you might want to do some preparatory cleaning and how best to achieve it.

I’ve been personally been surprised by the variation between dommes when it comes to planning anal play. Some send very specific and detailed instructions beforehand and then check they’ve been followed. Some have suggestions but aren’t prescriptive about it. Some either don’t seem to care or assume I’ll do what I think is necessary without being told. A few have even introduced pegging mid-scene with no previous planning or opportunity to prepare. So there’s clearly no single right approach here.

So far I’ve been generally lucky and, whatever the level of my pre-scene preparation, haven’t had any messy accidents. However, the idea of making a mess can definitely increase stress and make it harder to relax into the experience. So from that point of view, while I don’t think it’s always and absolutely necessary, I’m a fan of planning ahead when possible.

With a woman in an outfit this cute, it’d be a real shame to get it messy.

I’m afraid I don’t know the artist. The logo in the corner looks like a small toadstool or mushroom, but that doesn’t mean much to me. As usual, if you can help attribute, please leave a comment.