Trust

Theater fans in the Miami area might be interested in a play called ‘Trust’ showing at the Adrienne Arsht Center. The Miami Hurricane has coverage of it here and here.

The show follows Harry (Nicholas Richberg), a shy nerd turned internet billionaire after he sells his website for a fortune….

However, with nothing left to strive for, he feels dissatisfied with his life and goes seeking excitement at an S&M club. He meets a dominatrix whom he knows as Prudence (Niki Fridh) from high school. Prudence enjoys her work in BDSM, but must deal with an unhealthy relationship with Morton (Alex Alvarez.)

When Harry asks Prudence out for coffee, he begins a complex chain of events. From there, the show’s four characters grapple with their relationships and identities as they explore power, love and control.

I’ve not seen it, but the reviews for it seem pretty positive. Feel free to leave a comment if you’ve got some first hand knowledge of the show. The shot below certainly shows commitment from the actors.

Scene from 'Trust' by  Paul Weitz

Ask an expert

When it comes to talking to adolescents about kink I tend to steer a wide course. I don’t have any children – a state of affairs I’m quite content with – and assume that parenting skills are above my pay grade. Nobody wants to hear from the happily unattached single guy exactly how they’re screwing up their kids. However, I do think I can spot good and bad advice when I see it, and I happened to run across great examples of both in the last few days.

On the positive side we have this from the excellent Dan Savage. Personally I find it astonishing what the son in question shares with his mother. I’d rather do CBT with used rusty fishhooks that share a sexual fantasy with my parents, but I admire his mother for being smart enough to not freak out and to contact Dan for advice.

On the negative side we have a sequence of blog posts from Miriam Grossman MD – here, here, here and here. I would say her arguments are laughable, but she’s a qualified doctor who is making money from advising the parents and children that come to her. So not really a laughing matter. She automatically conflates BDSM with abuse and sets up ludicrous strawman arguments around the idea of consent. Apparently psychologically healthy women dream about wedding gowns rather than handcuffs. Does that mean I should be dreaming about tuxedos and cummerbunds?

Of course the really annoying thing is that she’s not wrong in describing Christian Grey as abusive. He absolutely is. Just not for any of the reasons she gives. So thanks E L James. You’ve got me agreeing with the crazy crowd.

I’ve no idea what image would be suitable for this post. So I’ll finish with a shot of a lady biting a man on the ass. Enjoy!

Ass Biter!

Pigeonholing (sadly not a kinky technique)

I want to follow up yesterday’s post with a further point about variety in the sexual realm. Although it’s more of an observation on the perception of kink than a specific point.

In non-sexual situations everyone implicitly understands that what you enjoy is situational and variable. Sometimes I want a sandwich, other times I want a fancy meal with matching wines. Tonight I’m watching a moody existential French thriller, tomorrow I’ll catch up on my political comedy via some Colbert Report episodes. Nobody assumes that liking one thing precludes liking other things.

Yet in the sexual realm that assumption crops up all the time. If you like men you can’t like women. If you’re kinky you can’t enjoy conventional foreplay and sex. If you’re dominant you can’t enjoy giving oral sex. If you enjoy pain you can’t enjoy cuddling. Stating a sexual preference often seems to pigeonhole people in a way that other preferences don’t. I’ve been shocked by how many people assume that because I’m a male submissive that I always need a leather clad whip wielding dominatrix to get off.

Admittedly there are people out there who only respond to their very specific fetish. If the only way you can orgasm is by dressing as a penguin and having a large blonde lady in a viking outfit throws herring at your head, well you have my sympathies. But I suspect you’re in a minority, and not just because of that particular fetish. I think for most kinky people, their kinks expand their interests and options, not confine them. And that’s probably a fact we should talk more about. Doing so might encourage people to explore their sexual interests and not fear that they’re heading down a path of depravity that’ll ruin their lives and existing relationships.

Tongue Biting

I thought this image of some simple kissing and biting made a nice contrast to yesterday’s complex scene. I found this on the Fucking Cuddle tumblr.

Biting his lip

Biting your own lip is normally a sign of being nervous or pensive. But what does it mean when somebody else bites them for you? In this case, she doesn’t look all that nervous, although he probably should be. Those clips look like they’ll sting when they get yanked off.

Lip Biting

This is from Divine Bitches and I believe that’s Maitresse Madeline with her hands wrapped around his head.

Getting there is half the fun

My cunning plan to minimize the effort of posting while on vacation is to steal from help publicize other blogs. First up is Lily from theblackleatherbelt who recently wrote these very wise words…

This is something I learned from having sex with women: the fact that THERE WAS NO TIMELINE was a complete revelation. We could make out, fuck, have a sandwich, do some stuff that would look like foreplay in another context, fuck some more, talk, then do it all over again. There was no standard kissing > petting > other assorted foreplay > penetration > the end sequence going on, at all, and the way that increased the quality of the sex is impossible to put words to.

Her whole post was a good one, but this part particularly spoke to me. I’ve always been a fan of the journey rather than the destination. Except when the journey involves flying in economy. In that case, unless the destination features Beelzebub and all his hellish minions, it’s always better to arrive than to travel.

But in the case of sex, when the journey is just so much fun, it always seems a shame when it’s over. I wonder if that’s a view more commonly held by kinky people, and particularly submissive guys, than the general populace? After all we’re used to extended sexual play. Bondage takes time. Endorphins don’t flow instantly. Tease and denial, edging and chastity are all popular kinks with submissive men. Personally I’d always take a couple hours of relaxed kinky fun over a few minutes of wham bam thank you ma’am.

Woman biting man's neck

The picture is from the Food, Fucking and Femdom tumblr. I have to say that as tumblr titles go, that’s a pretty good one. Throw in books and cocktails and you’d have my idea of heaven.

The munchies

It’s Thanksgiving in America. As an Englishman I didn’t grow up with the holiday, so it doesn’t have quite the same resonance for me as I think it does for a lot of my American friends. However, I do always enjoy getting together with friends for a good nosh-up.

That eating theme seemed to tie in nicely with these images, which show the lovely Katie from Men Are Slaves chowing down on her submissive. He’s covered in bite marks, so clearly he’s a tasty treat.

Biting
Biting
I found these images on the rather excellent Femdom Times.

Sparkle free zone

My image search tells me that the first shot below (found on Mujeres Dominantes) is from a show called the The Vampire Diaries. I’ve never seen it, but I like the blood, knife and rather impractical manacles.

Scene from The Vampire Diaries

As an adolescent I loved vampire movies, particularly those from Hammer Films. They always had such a great blend of violence, control and sensuality. Dracula was an entertaining character, but my favorite moments came after he’d turned his first voluptuous and skimpily dressed victim to the dark side. While her family looked on in horror, she’d start seducing, biting and generally behaving like a outrageous hussy with anyone in cleavage range. I loved those sequences, and always hated it when some bible thumping puritan turned up and stuck a stake in her.

I was involved in a scene recently where, after tying me up, the dominant carefully bent back my head and then bit me hard on neck and shoulder. It was a great moment and gave me happy flashbacks to sitting in a dark bedroom watching the late great Ingrid Pitt snack on her latest victim.

Ingrid Pitt as a vampire

It’s not a competitive sport

There’s sometimes an unfortunate undercurrent to BDSM discussions that equates ‘better’ with more extreme and more edgy. A subtle suggestion that a bottom who can take a lot of pain or do more spectacular activities is somehow a superior type of bottom.

I think I can understand the mechanism by which this happens. Most kinky people like to push their own personal limits. They want to take six more hits, achieve that more strenuous position, wear the device one more week, get deeper into subspace. Part of the skill of being a top is figuring out just how far to push – up to the line but not too far beyond it. This creates personal goals, which can get all too easily fitted into a social hierarchical. My goals will always be someone else’s achievements. And if I’m aspiring to achieve something, then it becomes easy to think of the person who has already achieved it as being somehow more successful.

Of course understanding how it happens, doesn’t mean it’s not bullshit. The goal is to achieve personal satisfaction and happiness. Not win a ‘Who can slam their dick in the drawer the hardest’ competition. Everybody processes information and sensations differently. Being born with a higher pain threshold, or greater tolerance to extreme situations, doesn’t make you a better bottom. Good communication, empathy, understanding of personal boundaries, self-knowledge and a willingness to experiment are all characteristics of good bottoms. The ability to shove large things in small orifices, or survive sharp things applied at high speed, doesn’t feature in there at all.

BitingThe image features one of my favorite activities – biting. I’m afraid I don’t have an original attribution for it. I found it on the Dishevelled Domina tumblr.

Nom Nom Nom

The next few posts might be a little random. I’m spending a few days on Vancouver Island with some friends in a shared house. So I’m posting at odd moments when I get a little alone time with my laptop. I don’t have much time to craft anything clever. Some might argue that’ll make no difference anyway.

Fortunately this image pretty much speaks for itself. Bondage, biting, cute girls and cocks. What’s not to like?

Biting

I found this on the My Miss in Control tumblr.