Femdom Resource – Page 197 – The beauty of dominant women

Perfectly poised, posed and pert

I stumbled across this image while looking for a trampling shot for yesterday’s ‘Worthless worms revisited‘ post. It didn’t fit that post’s theme, but I thought it too beautiful not to share at some point.

It’s from a trampling sequence, yet their lithe bodies and the elegant surroundings put me in mind of two dancers working and rehearsing together. I like to think that’s her victory pose having defeated him in a mythical balletic battle. I’ve never been to the ballet (despite live close to the Seattle company), but I’d be a season ticket holder if it ever looked anything like this.

Fans of more conventional trampling shots, featuring heels and pantyhose, may appreciate this image and this image from the same sequence.

Worthless worms revisited

My post ‘Worthless worms : Hot or not?‘ attracted a lot of thoughtful commentary. It’s clearly a topic that provokes strong opinions from both sides of D/s slash. This post is intended to address a few follow-up points that struck me after writing it and reading the responses.

In the original post I used degradation, humiliation and objectification interchangeably. That was careless as they’re related but different concepts. If I had a virtual whiteboard I’d be standing at it now drawing partially overlapping circles. The worthless worm trope is primarily about the sense of self and personal identity. It’s very directed degradation (you pathetic sniveling coward, you’re not fit to lick my boots, etc.). Humiliation is more situational. Anyone can be humiliated in the right circumstances, no matter how self-assured and confident they might generally be. Objectification is about removing humanity and personality. It’s not about being worthless, but identifying worth through function and utility. A lot of people get off on a mixture of these kinks, but when writing about a possible F/m mismatch, I was primarily thinking of the first. I rarely observe female dominants write or blog about degradation, but objectification and, to a lesser extent, humiliation, does crop up in positive contexts.

Ferns astutely observed that this is a style of play that often conflates the person with the kink. Presenting themselves primarily through their fetish is a common problem for guys who’ve spent too long surfing femdom porn. I think it’s particularly likely to happen with this kink, because it’s primarily about the perception of the person and their value. i.e. Exactly the things that are emphasized, normally in a positive fashion, when building a new relationship. I guess the (badly broken) thought process is ‘Why bother to put myself forward as a valuable person to know, when I ultimately want to be treated as if I’m not?’

It’s also true that cliches of commercial femdom don’t help anyone into this style of play. For men it gets them lumped into the same bucket as the jerk offs writing emails about how they’re not fit to lick the dirt from the boots of any female dominant blogger they encounter. For many dominant women it’s a stereotype they’re trying to push against, and writing about it is only likely to lead to more emails from the aforementioned jerks offs.

All that said, I do standby my entirely anecdotal observation that there’s a mismatch here in F/m that doesn’t exist in M/f. As someone who doesn’t have this kink, I’m selfishly kind of glad about that. Many of the F/m tumblrs that focus on degradation and humiliation tend to veer all to easily into misogyny. I’m happy that it’s incredibly rare to encounter misandry in femdom blogs or forums. If you are a submissive guy who occasionally enjoys a bit of pathetic sniveling, then the best advice would be to make sure you compartmentalize it and treat it strictly as a kink like any other. While there might be male dominants who’ll respond to a new submissive describing themselves as a worthless slut in need of training, your odds of success with that opening line and a female dominant will be very close to zero.

Trampling beneath a dominant woman’s feet often seems to be a theme of the ‘worthless submissive’ style of play. This is from the appropriately named Woman Worship site. I particularly liked her choice of reading matter.

Transurethral probing

This post is shamelessly cribbed from Mistress Matisse’s twitter feed. I consider it ecological blogging. Recycling for the good of the planet and my readers.

In her tweet she linked to an amusing and thoughtful video by Sarah Silverman on women’s reproductive rights. Sarah mocks the transvaginal ultrasound procedure that some states are trying to legislate, and suggests men should get a metal probe and camera shoved down their penis prior to masturbating. As Matisse points out, that’s not guaranteed to turn a guy off. In fact, in many cases they’ll probably enjoy it.

The unfortunate gentleman in the image below appears to have suffered a terrible facial injury. I’m not quite sure how sticking a tube into his urethra is going to help with that, but I assume the nurse knows what she’s doing. After all, they wouldn’t let any random unqualified young lady wear an official medical uniform like that one.

This is from the CBT and Ballbusting site.

You fugging shyster

I’ve two reasons for featuring this particular comic panel. Firstly, it’s classic example of Eric Stanton’s style. There’s a big powerful woman, some great artwork and real sense of energy to it. Secondly, the dialog is brilliant. Not only the ‘fugging shyster’ bit, but also phrases like ‘spineless schmuck’ and ‘pop my cork’. Modern femdom art really needs more lines like these.

It’s from a short story called Bonnie & Clara, which I assume is a spin on Bonnie and Clyde. The tough as nails lady below is Bonnie and she’s caught the shyster in question stealing her money and seducing her lover Clara. As you’d expect in a Stanton series things do not go well for him. Much beating follows, including a very painful looking dartboard scene.

Drool worthy

I always found this type of spitting play kind of hot. And that ‘kind of’ is very deliberate. It pushed my internal kinky buttons, but not in a huge way. More of a ‘fiddling with the buttons on an expensive stereo’ way, as compared to say ‘pushing a big red button that launches nuclear missiles and obliterates half the Western hemisphere’ way.

It has an interesting combination of elements, some of which seem contrary. It’s intimate but objectifying, sensual but demeaning. Yet despite all that good stuff, for me it was still always a ‘fun’ not a ‘wow’. Then I did a session where the domme first fitted a Jennings style gag. That made an enormous difference. Just that extra element of control pushed us straight into big red button territory. I’d never closed my mouth when doing this kind of play. Never wanted to. But removing my option to do so somehow ratcheted up the intensity dramatically. If you like this kind of spit sharing, and you’ve never tried it with a open mouth gag, I really recommend giving it a go.

This is originally from Mavrin Studios (tumblr here). I found it on the Felm Cyber tumblr.

A pinch and a smile

I was planning to write some follow-up thoughts to yesterdays post on degradation and male submission. Instead I got paddled, pinched, prodded and penetrated by Lydia (plus some other stuff that didn’t begin with p). That left me way too mellowed out to write at length, so I’ll simply pop up an image that I found and liked. Her smile is cute, as is the pretty bondage, but it’s the nipple pinch that really makes the image for me. She might be turning to pose for the shot, but she’s not going to miss the opportunity to squeeze that nipple.

I found the image on the male sub imagery tumblr.

Worthless Worms : Hot or not?

The material I post here is almost all femdom. I’d hate to make my blog’s URL, title and tagline out to be liars. Yet my browsing habits cast a wider net. Kinky writing is often translatable to a variety of D/s and gender combination and my libido is an omnivorous consumer of kinky imagery. I might not want to tie women up, but a hot female bondage shot can still press my buttons.

One of the things I find fascinating when looking at a variety of blogs and tumblrs is how gender and D/s dynamics interact. I’ve written in the past about the type of imagery the different F/f/M/m groups post. Today I thought I’d braindump on the hairy topic of the worthless/worthy submissive. If we split the world into those who get off on a negative view of submission and those who don’t, what do we see? Or more accurately, what anecdotal observations am I about to pull out my ass?

From a submissive perspective it’s clear that there are both male and female submissives who get off on being insulted and abused. Words like worthless, pathetic, useless, dumb and weak often appear. They enjoy being told that they’re of little value. There’s not perfect symmetry here. Female submissives of this type tend to skew towards sexual objectification (bimbo, toy, ornament) where males skew towards sexual failure (cuckold, premature, small). I also suspect, based on nothing more than a hunch, that there are proportionally more submissive men than women of this type. But regardless of the ratios, it’s easy to find examples of both genders that kink on being demeaned.

When it comes to the dominants the story changes. It’s easy to find example of male dominants who get off on the idea of a worthless woman. Depressingly easy in fact. While some can appear to distinguish between consensual kinky play with a partner and the other 3 billion women in the world, you sadly don’t have to browse to far to run into some highly unpleasant misogynistic attitudes. I can only hope most of the bloggers are pimply teenagers in their parents basements who wouldn’t know what to do with a submissive woman if they found one tied to their computer.

In contrast most dominant women appear to strongly dislike this kind of submission. If you keep up with my blogroll, and writers like Ferns, D, Stabbity, Vista and Miss Pearl, you’ll see a consistent preference to strong, confident and self-assured male submission. Self-loathing, as stabbity recently asserted, is not an attractive trait. Even Fm couples who play with humiliation and objectification (Scott and Em perhaps or maybe Suzanne and tammy) tend to have a far more complex and nuanced approach that the stereotypical ‘worthless worm’ attitude. In fact the only dominant women I’ve seen clearly cater to this style of submission are pro-dommes. They’ll happily tell a guy he’s a pathetic sniveling failure – just as long as he can pay. Maybe I’m too cynical, but I suspect that the payment might be a significant factor there.

Personally I don’t get off on degradation, so all this is just observation and idle speculation. Anyone likening me to an invertebrate is likely to get a ‘Fuck you!’ followed swiftly by a ‘Who the hell do you think you are?’ But I do think the potential for mismatch in F/m desires compared to M/f is interesting. I’m also intrigued by the correlation with conventional cultural stereotypes for the genders. Apparently weakness can be an attractive attribute in Mf, but not typically in Fm.

After all this talk of degradation and humiliation I thought I should finish with something cute and happy. I found this on the Domination on My terms tumblr.

A good hard cuddle

Words can’t express how much I like this sequence of images (click to enlarge them). It’s cute, funny and very sexy. I love the ‘Pat Pat’ moment, his deadpan response and the “Do it more. Do it harder” finale.

It’s also a good example of playing with gender asymmetry in a sexual situation. What if it had been a guy sitting there with his dick sticking out, a big grin on his face offering to give his girlfriend a cuddle? Then it would have been creepy and disturbing. This subverts the stereotype that women want to cuddle and guys want to screw, and is all the hotter because of it.

I believe the artist goes by the handle Cute*Blue. He or she has a tumblr and a website but I can find very little biographical information.

More wax play

I always knew the internet and my readers wouldn’t let me down. No sooner had I put up yesterday’s post about Leonardo DiCaprio, the dominatrix and the candle, than Vista had come through for me with an animated gif of the scene in question. Seeing it makes me wonder if they consulted anyone about the right type of candle to use. There are a lot of good guides to wax play out there (for example this one), but how many movie props departments know about them? I hope Leonardo was just doing a great acting job, because hot wax really shouldn’t be that painful.

I’ll finish with a shot of a quite different wax play scene. There’s a lot less screaming and a lot more smiling in this shot.

I found this on the Happy BDSM tumblr. I’m afraid I don’t have an original attribution.

An average day on the set

A new Scorsese movie is always a significant cultural event, but wouldn’t normally be relevant to this blog. However his latest, The Wolf of Wall Street, apparently features a scene with a dominatrix (played by Christina Jeffs) and Leonardo DiCaprio. More specifically, it feature a scene where said dominatrix sticks a candle into Leonardo’s asshole. I’ve not seen it yet, but I’m now feeling that popcorn and a movie could be in my near future.

Apparently the original book featured the candle being stuffed where the sun doesn’t shine, but it was toned down for the movie script into a simple hot wax splashing scene. The lead actress, Margot Robbie, thought this was a cop-out and said as much…

“I kind of provoked Leo into doing it, and I can’t believe he did,” Robbie continues. “I said if he was committed to the role, then he would do it properly.” DiCaprio worked up the courage to make the suggestion to Scorsese, who loved the idea. “And then the prop man had to light the candle,” says Schoonmaker, who notes that DiCaprio didn’t use a body double for any of his nude scenes.
From a Variety Magazine article.

I love the fact that the actors wanted to do this and Scorsese went for it. But I really love that comment about the prop man. He must have had an interesting conversation with his wife that evening when she asked him how his day had gone – “Oh, you know, the usual. Shifted some furniture, located a missing costume, lit a candle stuck up Leonardo DiCaprio’s ass. Same old, same old.”

Annoyingly the internet has failed me and I can’t find an image from this particular scene. So instead I’ll have to finish with Margot Robbie and Leonardo DiCaprio in an alternative shot that has some fun fetishistic and femdom overtones.