Parental Figures

My random thought of the day – originally over a coffee and delicious filled doughnut at my favorite local haunt – was how differently we treat the emotionally loaded words ‘Mommy’ and ‘Daddy’ in kink.

In M/f relationships there are obviously some people who like to roleplay actual father/daughter relationships. That squeaks some people out, but it’s clearly a thing for others. However, a lot of the use of the term ‘Daddy’ seems to be about a more abstract concept of a loving authoritarian figure rather than an actual relative. Typically when someone talks about wanting a Daddy-Dom or a Daddy/Baby relationship they’re using it as a shorthand for a style of relationship rather than claiming an incest kink. Based on my limited and entirely anecdotal observations, I’d say this second more abstract usage is a lot more prevalent than the first.

In F/m interactions I never see this dual use. The more abstract idea doesn’t exist. Any reference to ‘Mommy’ is always about incest roleplay of the naughty son who needs disciplining, educating or restraining. I don’t see dominant women describe themselves as ‘Mommies’ and pro-dommes always list ‘Mommy’ under their roleplay sections rather than their style of play. Mommy Dom never gets used as a label in the same abstract way Daddy Dom does.

In fact I’ve even seen some dommes on twitter describe themselves as Daddies via expressions like “Who’s your Daddy now?” and “Daddy’s Home!” I get why they’d do this, but it seems somewhat odd for a female dominant to draw on a male archetype to emphasize dominance.

I’m afraid I’ve no conclusion to finish with. Nor do I have a value judgement about the current state of affairs. I just thought it was an interesting observation to share. Why the difference between the two? Or am I wrong in my anecdotal observations?

Artwork is by Barbara O’Toole who often seemed to specialize in the older women – young man genre.

Author: paltego

See the 'about' page if you really want to know about me.

10 thoughts on “Parental Figures”

  1. As a pro, I’ve been asked to do Mommy roleplays–usually as some sort of domestic discipline scene–many times. It makes me uncomfortable, so we have to compromise on me being the step-mother. I feel weird playing any sort of close blood relative, but we always find a way to work it out: I’m the lady next door, and aunt from out of town, governess or babysitter, adoptive mom, you get the drift.

    As far as Daddy Doms….well, for the first time in my life, I’m in a relationship who a Top who enjoys that sort of thing quite a lot. Before him, it was never a kink which ever crossed my mind. Frankly, it made my skin crawl, because my father and are I are estranged and I like it that way.
    The Collector thinks it will be healing for me. As far as I’m concerned, the jury is still out.

    Oh before I forget, there is one more F/m kink where “mommy” is used constantly: Adult baby roleplay/lifestyle.

    Thanks, as always, for writing!

    1. The step-mother angle seems to be a common one to use. Erotica and porn often go that route to avoid censorship or freaking too many people out.

      I’m not surprised it’s a common ask. The fact I see it pops up on so many domme’s roleplay ideas or suggestions lists suggests as much. Definitely polarizing however. Some seem to specialize in that kind of scene (particularly the adult baby stuff you mentioned) where others adopt a compromise like yours (aunt or step-mom or similar).

      As far as the collector goes – is it more likely he genuinely thinks it’ll be healing for you or that he likes that style of D/s and he needs an excuse to rationalize/sell it to you? If he didn’t typically adopt that approach, but chose to this time, then maybe the healing spin would be slightly believable. But given he likes that sort of thing a lot normally, yet it makes your skin crawl, then it seems we’re more is selfish asshole territory to me. But obviously IMHO and YMMV.

      Thanks for stopping by to comment!

      -paltego

  2. I don’t have a problem with people who use terms like Daddy and Mummy (but definitely not Mom if you’re in the U.K. ) during their play but personally I would never use them. I know from speaking to my Mistress that she would rather not use familial terms during her sessions also. It just doesn’t feel right to me although I am quite happy to be referred to as a bad or naughty boy during certain sessions. In the end it is just like everything else, a matter of preference and what you prefer.

    1. It definitely a niche interest – but as Miss Margo commented – it seems to be a popular niche! When you have emotionally loaded words, I suspect they are always going to get tied to kink and sex for some people. That’s the beauty of kink – so much variety and everyone gets to choose their favorite way to do it :).

      Thanks for taking the time to comment!

      -paltego

  3. My wife and I often play as Nanny and Little Man, obviously age play, and it often involves suckling. I don’t see the harm, since the key dynamic is mother figure and child, rather than making it explicitly mum and son. The power comes from the closeness and the loving authority, rather than the incest taboo.

    1. I personally don’t think there’s any harm in any variation of this kind of play – either roleplaying the actual incest taboo or the more abstract mother authority figure kink. Not necessarily my thing, but as long as its all consensual, I think people can roleplay whatever they like. You raise a good point however, and one that I didn’t really address in my original post. There’s more variations and subtlety here than I called out. I should probably do a follow-up post.

      -paltego

    1. I had heard that. I wonder if it started before or after they had children? If it was after I could see it as a hangover from those days when couples tend to refer to themselves in those terms. If it was before, that’s definitely odder.

      -paltego

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