Cosmopolitan hasn’t got a great track record on sex articles. Occasionally however it does put up something interesting. The latest example of this would be an article on asexuality – ‘Can You Be Asexual, but Also Enjoy Kink?‘
It’s better than there usual silly sex advice, and treats the subject seriously. That said, I find it odd the way it describes the intersection of kink and asexuality. It seems to treat ‘sex’ as a synonym for PIV/oral/anal and BDSM as something quite distinct from that. Asexuality is therefore cast as a lack of interest in the former (since that’s ‘sex’), but not the latter. What I know about asexuality you could probably write on the back of postage stamp, but this seems kind of odd to me.
I’ve had a lot of intense kinky fun that didn’t resemble regular vaginal/anal/oral sex. Some of that kinky fun resulted in orgasms and some didn’t, but all of it felt sexual to me. It might not have looked much like sex to any observer hiding under the spanking bench, but it was certainly plugging into my sexual circuits. Of course, that’s a personal perspective. I’m not claiming everyone experiences kink in the same way. But I’d be interested to know how many people enjoy D/s or BDSM and feel it doesn’t connect some,how to their sexual wiring, no matter how unusually configured that wiring is. Is someone asexual if they exclusively prefer BDSM as way to express their sexuality? Alternatively, how many people enjoy BDSM in a non-sexual way?
Here’s someone from Dudes in Distress enjoying some kinky distress. It might not look like sex to most observers, but if I was in that position it’d definitely be pushing a lot of my internal sexual buttons.
Not half bad. Thank you for the link, paltigo.
The best series of articles on human sexuality I found – and read – till now are:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/billion-wicked-thoughts
I feel there is truly a lot to learn there and I recommend this reading material whenever/wherever I can.
Interesting link – thanks Marga. I keep meaning to read the book they wrote. I heard about it a while ago, but never followed up. I’ll go and add it to me Amazon wish list. In the meantime I’ll dig into that site.
Thanks
-paltego
Hi paltego,
Looks sexual to me. I’d be pretty turned on in that sort of predicament even if a guy was topping me.
Best,
scott
Hey scott,
I haven’t played for a while, but looking at that shot makes me want to start again :). Really fun predicament!
Thanks for dropping by.
-paltego
Thanks a bunch, guy. :=(
I’ll never be able to look at those Ticonderoga’s at my very vanilla volunteer place the same way again.
🙂
I actually had no idea what Ticonderoga’s were until I read your comment and searched for them! Chopsticks are usually the go to clamps for nipple torture, but the pencils seem to be working pretty well here 🙂
-paltego
I’m asexual, and asexuals certainly comes in many flavours. Some of us enjoy kink in various ways (I read your blog, after all) and even though I don’t roll the same way as the people in that article I can see the…logic… ? in it.
Interesting. Wikipedia defines asexuality as a lack of interest in sexual activity, where kink (at some deep level) always feels like a sexual thing, even if it doesn’t always look like sex to non-kinky people.
If you don’t mind me asking: Do you think the definition is wrong and should be ‘a lack of interest in conventional sexual activity’ (i.e. you only express your sexuality through kink but not other ways) or is that you appreciate and enjoy kink in a quite different way to someone like myself (i.e. it’s not a sexual thing at all). Apologies if that’s a dumb question or comes across wrong. I really need to read up more on this, but I’m curious on your take.
-paltego
For me kinky play is intimately tied to sex. I never realized that for others there might be no connection at all. Quite interesting…thank you
Glad it was interesting! I was intrigued as well. Thanks for stopping by to comment.
-paltego
I don’t mind you asking at all! The Wikipedia post is not wrong but too narrow. A lack of interest in sexual activities is certainly one way of being asexual, but only one among many. Many asexuals enjoy other intimate activities such as cuddling or hugging, and I can see how kink would be akin to that. It’s the connection and interaction with another human that matters. And it’s can include activities that would be sexual to a non-asexual.
Me, I’m asexual in the sense that I have a sex drive, but are not attracted to… anyone. Like, there’s no one that the I’ve ever wanted to get intimate with. And no wish for it to be different, either. (Internet is obviously great for having a sexlife that don’t involve other people. ) So I’m kind of the polar opposite to those kinky asexuals; they get intimate without sex, and I have sex without intimacy…
Thanks for sharing that. I appreciate it. Clearly I have a bunch of reading to catch up on to understand this area more. Definitions and terminology is always so important.
The wikipedia definitions are clearly too narrow, as you say. They define asexuality as no interest in sexual activities and then kink as being specifically sexual activities, which makes them pretty much mutually exclusive. That’s obviously wrong given people like yourself and the others you mention.
Hope the blog continues to be interesting!
-paltego