Constanze Borgia has an interesting guest post by Phil Beck on the subject of depression and BDSM. It talks about depression in general, provides some personal anecdotes and offers some advice about dealing with the intersection of BDSM and mental health. I’m signal boosting it as it’s rare to see such a thoughtful discussion of the topic. I often hear people refer to dommes as therapists, or state how beneficial BDSM play is, but they’re casual references flung around with little thought. This is a far more balanced and nuanced article.
I’ve suffered from depression a couple of times in my life, but it was many years ago, and didn’t overlap with any kinky activity. So I’ve no idea how the two would interact together for me. Generally kink makes me happy and buzzed, but when you’re dealing with brain chemistry it’s hard to predict how things will unfold if you complicate the mix.
I can definitely relate to Phil’s experiences with mummification. He wrote that:
Being totally immobilized in that way made it possible to release my concerns about the outside world and my sense of emotional well being somehow began to rise up as I began to sink into a trance like state.
I’ve always found that very extreme bondage of this type is both liberating and soothing. Hopefully the gentleman below is feeling equally soothed by his situation…
This is obviously from a Divine Bitches shoot.
Yep, definitely something relaxing and shedding of concerns when mummified. Just not being able to do anything but relax in the situation you’re in.
Unless theres e-stim. Then relaxing may be a bit more difficult. lol.
Ha! I know exactly what you mean when it comes to the e-stim. I’ve ‘enjoyed’ that particular combination in the past and it’s particularly devilish one 🙂
-paltego
Hi paltego,
For a couple of years before I met Em, I suffered a deep clinical depression. Therapy didn’t help. One night on a whim, I visited a pro-domme who bound and whipped me. Afterwards, kneeling at her feet, she had me jack of onto her boots and lick it up. When I left her, I was walking on Cloud 9. For the first time in over two years, I wasn’t dwelling on my problems. I felt great and slept like a baby that night. BDSSM turned my life around. Apocryphal evidence, true, but you it convinced me of kink’s power to heal.
Best,
scott
Mrs. Kelly’s Playhouse
Hey scott,
Thanks for sharing that. Sorry to hear you went through that kind of depression, but interesting that BDSM helped you move out of it. I have a similar reaction to it that you do. I feel great and sleep well, but as I said in the post, I’ve never tried it with that initial mental state. It seems like a ripe area for research (e.g. I wonder how it affects people who suffer from heavy sub-drop?) but I’m not holding my breath for that to happen.
-paltego
I was really startled to see that you had posted on this topic, because I have just written a post panicking about the possibility that I was getting addicted to eroticising my depression last year. Not all subs would need to worry about this kind of thing, but I’m an emotional masochist.
I’m feeling more optimistic now – that will be my next post – but the optimism is proving harder to articulate than the panic.
So thank you *very much* for signal boosting on that topic!
Well thanks really go to Phil and Constanze for the original article, but very glad I could boost it and link you to it.
Thanks for the pointer to your blog. I hadn’t seen it before and enjoyed reading it and catching up on your previous posts. Happy to hear your now feeling more optimistic and less panicky about your kink. I’ll keep an eye out for your next updates.
-paltego
Thanks for the signal boosting. I had a great discussion with Phil about it. I think depression is something that gets us all at various points in our life.
I don’t think Dommes are therapists or BDSM can replace medical help, but so many people are afraid to talk about depression, almost as it would make them “less” as a person. So many people in BDSM suffer from it, yet people don’t talk about it, another elephant in the room. It’s simply important that people get the help they need.
Phil and I talked in great detail about it prior to his post, one of my pet peeves is the way docs tend to hand out anti-depressants. I’ve been offered them for years, it turned out it was linked to a low thyroid function and a Vitamin D deficiency. So I really liked that Phil went into great detail about various reasons for depression.
The idea behind it was basically that there is no shame attached to it. Mental issues don’t mean “crazy” or “dangerous” they just mean somebody has a problem, like somebody is a diabetic, has a back problem. You have to take certain precautions and have to know about your problem. It doesn’t mean you can’t play or you’re a dangerous play partner.
Happy to signal boost, and thanks for such a great post. In fact two great posts, because I also appreciated your recent one on PTSD. You’re on a roll when it comes to powerful and informative posts!
I’m not against medication for these kind of issues – I’ve talked to many people it helped – but you’re right, it’s very important to triage correctly. It’s not like treating a bug where the same thing works for everyone. There are lots of different contexts and causes.
Certainly agree there should be no shame attached to it. Writing and talking about depression is a useful thing in that respect. When I look back at the older generations in my family I see many instances of what was clearly depression, but it was never talked about or diagnosed. People just suffered through it, along with those close to them. Discussing it, figuring out how to address it and (when it comes to kink) play safely is hopefully something we can do much better.
-paltego
To be honest, less on a roll, I’ve been “pregnant” with the idea of doing a few blog posts about mental health and PTSD for over a year now, made a ton of attempts and wasn’t happy with what I wrote. After long discussions with Phil and ShiftyW, I thought the voice of somebody who goes through it is just much more powerful, difference if somebody talks theoretically, or somebody speaks from experience. But I wanted to have the posts together, so it took a bit of time.
Playing with somebody who has PTSD or any issues like claustrophobia, etc. and they don’t tell you in advance, it’s quite a bit of a shock to the system if they start freaking out and you have no idea what is going on. Cutting 20 yards of my fave black hemp rope and dealing with a fully blown panic attack, wasn’t my idea of a great time, all because somebody didn’t dare to tell me, or forgot to tell me… The same thing if you’re playing with a diabetic who hasn’t eaten and didn’t mention it.
All stuff that can be avoided by open communication, if people are aware that it is important to mention it, I think things change a bit. There are enough risks in BDSM we take willingly, we don’t need to add more risks by not talking about valid medical issues.
Well thanks for taking the time to let the pregnancy come to full term :). I often have posts and ideas that take time before I can get them into exactly the form I want, but sadly none quite as useful and thoughtful as these.
As a submissive I’ve not had to deal with someone not communicating personal issues (it’s typically me who’ll screw that part up), but I can definitely imagine what a shock it might be from your perspective. I suspect that variability of reactions might play a part here. e.g. I was fine the last few times doing X, so no need to mention it to this new person. Of course with these kind of issues reactions can be unpredictable. As you say open communication is really the only good answer.
-paltego