Via a post from Tom I came across some interesting thoughts on chastity devices by Ms M. It’s on the subject of the honor system versus devices and why she feels a physical device is absolutely necessary.
Personally I’ve never deliberately got involved in chastity play. That’s not because I don’t like the idea. It definitely pushes a few buttons. Unfortunately I think it’d only work for me in the context of a lifestyle relationship, and I seem to have misplaced mine. Some pro-dommes do offer it, but it doesn’t appeal to me in that context.
Observant readers may have noticed my use of the word ‘deliberately’ at the start of the previous paragraph. That’s because I have accidentally stumbled into chastity play. In turns out that heavy CBT play will create that interesting side effect. I certainly don’t want to get stuck with weird marks or scars to explain on my special little friend. Nothing would kill a seductive mood quicker than a conversation that starts with – ‘No honestly, it’s not the result of a weird disease. Just the after effects of a cock piercing and then a lot of jerking off.’
So any significant bruising or burn marks in a delicate area means operating in a strictly hands-off mode for as long as it takes. I’ve had mornings where I wake up and my first thought is – ‘Has that bruise gone yet?’ Swiftly followed by a check beneath the sheets and a stream of cursing. There’s nothing like being cock-blocked by your own hemoglobin.
Here’s a fun shot of Mistress Madeline leaving someone with a few nice marks of their own. It’s obviously originally from the Men In Pain site.
I’m glad you raised this issue because I could not disagree more with the writer in question.
First of all, anecdotal evidence (and that is all she offers us) is useless for validating such a huge claim.
Show me some stats produced with half-decent research methods behind them. Ok, difficult, if not impossible. Ergo, we’re stuck with anecdotal ping-pong and impressionism.
So here’s my ten cents’ worth.
I’m in a long-term LDR with a dominant woman who lives over 3500 miles and 6 time zones away from me, and whom I’ve never met in RL, nor am ever likely to.
Why bother? Because we have enormous cultural, intellectual, and emotional commonalities, and frankly, if she wasn’t my Mistress, I’d want her as my best friend. In fact she’s one of only two people I’ve ever considered switching for.
I write to her religiously twice daily, and perform various rituals as requested by her.
‘Chastity’, or in our case, strict control of my eros (which does not preclude the occasional orgasm) is the best and most natural way we have of playing.
How is this going to work if not by trust? I wouldn’t object to wearing a cage, not because I can’t control my urges, but because a cage is essentially a signifier, like bitch boots, collars, leashes, and corsets, and signifiers are part of the fun.
I spend a lot of time not just teasing and edging, but staying on the edge for half an hour at a time. It can be done. There are guys out there who call themselves ‘solosexuals’ who can do a lot longer.
We have a little formula for calculating how many orgasms I have sacrificed for her based on the amount of time I spend on the edge uncummed.
If I were to spill, I’d tell her. But the connection that not spilling gives me is so intense, that when she releases me, I actually suffer from sub-drop. It’s possible to reach a point where the act of abstinence is emotionally more satisfying than a quick 10-second burst of ecstasy.
But the bottom line is this. I would not enter into a submissive relationship with anyone unless it was on the basis of mutual respect and trust. I’m extremely fortunate to have found that, and count my blessings daily.
So my advice to the good lady is that she should get out more, because she’s obviously meeting the wrong men.
I asked my wife
“How would you like to lock my cock and balls in a metal cage “?
“Why would I want to do that”?
“So you can control when I have erections and when I am allowed to have sex”
“I don’t see what I gain from preventing you from having an erection , and if I don’t want to have sex with you ,then I don’t”
“Some guys are locked up for up to a month or more”
“And they agree to that !!! Hah!! Well more fool them – I indulge your fantasies and fetishes , just as you do mine – and taking control during sex play is usually pretty spontaneous. I think its a stupid idea – forget it”
“Consider it forgotten”
Ms. M asked if chastity devices were necessary, but I think that what she’s asking doesn’t entirely convey what she means. There is chastity, and then there is abstinence.
The thing that makes chastity devices work for some people is that they (to some degree) obviate any need for trust or self-control on the part of the wearer; the control is taken away from them. In that respect, it’s essentially a form of bondage. Interestingly, I never hear about discussions/arguments like “Is bondage necessary?” Nobody ever suggests that you should just take your caning standing next to the St Andrews cross.
Deviceless chastity is really the abstention by use of willpower. Yes, there is trust involved: your partner trusts you to be honest if your willpower flags or if you give in to temptation. And some people really enjoy that kind of play. But understand that it’s a completely different kink than playing with a device.