Adding to the stress

After writing yesterday’s post on panic and stress when playing, a further personal observation struck me. This was that it’s not relinquishing control that creates significant stress. I’m happy to release control of my body, and can do quite intense activities, like breathplay or suturing, with no danger of panicking. What dramatically ratchets up the stress level is when I feel that there’s an element that is out of control. Something that we accidentally dropped on the floor when control was passed between us. For example, I’ve no problem with a mistress pulling a plastic bag tight over my head. I won’t be able to breath, but I know that she knows that. A tight hood with a small breathing hole is way more stressful. I fear that the hole will get accidentally blocked, I won’t be able to fix and she won’t know about it. I worry that nobody will be in control, and that uncertainty prays on my mind.

I don’t think I’m alone in feeling this way, and so within this observation also lies opportunity. If a dominant wants to increase stress, then they should increase uncertainty. Remove both control and awareness from the submissive. Disconnect them from their surroundings and sense of time. To borrow a term from the software industry, the dominant should strive to create FUD – Fear, Uncertainty, Doubt.

Conversely, with a nervous submissive, the dominant should try to eliminate ambiguity. Always be very clear about the transfer of control. Keep physical contact to let the submissive know they are still present and in charge of the situation. Encourage two-way communication and try to balance the competing stresses. For example, before increasing a level of sensory deprivation, decrease the level of bondage or the amount of pain.

Mademoiselle Belle

Given hoods are a good way to do sensory deprivation and create stress, I figure this would be a suitable image to illustrate the post. I like the contrast between his objectified anonymity and her happy smiling face. It features Mademoiselle Belle, a pro-domme based in Madrid. Originally the image comes from her blog site, but I came to it via the darksehnsucht tumblr.

Author: paltego

See the 'about' page if you really want to know about me.

4 thoughts on “Adding to the stress”

  1. Hi paltego,

    A fine and thoughtful post. FUD is my new favorite acronym. And Mademoiselle Belle is a stunner, kind of like Jackie O crossed with Joan Crawford.
    Best,

    scott
    Mrs. Kelly’s Playhouse

    1. Hey scott,

      Glad you liked the post. FUD used to be a pretty common term in the computer industry back in the old days when IBM (80’s) and then Microsoft (90’s) ruled the world. The internet changed all that, so it doesn’t get used as often now.

      And yes, Mademoiselle Belle is very beautiful. She has a lot of great pictures on her site and blog.

      -paltego

  2. paltego,

    Well put about “uncertainty”, it’s that variable that changes everything in a scene. I’m not from the software industry so it’s the first time I hear the term “FUD”…I like it. Next time I find myself ready to say “I’m fucked”, I’ll just say “I’m fudded” instead 🙂

    RW

    1. Thanks RW. Uncertainty can be a very powerful dynamic, whether it’s intentionally generated or not.

      And glad I could share a useful acronym for you!

      -paltego

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