Kink, sex and money (concluded)

So here’s what I promise is my third and final post in this mini-series. Having talked about different types of sex work and the way I believe the law has shaped them into their current forms, I though it’d be interesting to mull over what would happen if the laws were liberalized. Would that be a good thing?

On the face of it this seems like a dumb question. Removing the legal risk for both sex-workers and clients would seem to benefit them both. I think that’s certainly true for escorts and their clients, but the picture is potentially a little more complex in the kinky domain.

Lets assume that I was right about the impact the law has had on the shape of the commercial BDSM industry. Lets also assume if the laws were liberalized that we’d see a similar evolution to what happened in the pornography industry. The two current distinct markets of sex and BDSM would intermingle and the intersection between them become a far more significant factor. That not only mirrors what happened in porn, it would also more closely reflect how a lot of kinky people play in non-commercial settings. What might the effects of this be?

Firstly, it means pro-dommes could set boundaries based on their personal limits rather than legal constraints. For some, probably a majority, this wouldn’t change anything. But undoubtedly a non-trivial fraction would be open to incorporating more sexual play (which is not necessarily the same thing as conventional intercourse). At the same time the way would be open for escorts to more easily contact and market to current pro-domme clients. The forums and boards that only allow discussion of legal kinky activities would be able to host a much wider range of topics and sex worker views. The end result of all that would be a more complex and varied market place. The (almost) universal rules about not requesting any sexual activity would be out the window.

You could argue that this wouldn’t matter. A session setup is always a negotiation between two individuals anyway. Not all dommes do the same set of activities today, so what would be different? I suspect that one difference might be the hassle factor. With a fuzzier definition of what’s acceptable, clients would have much more varied expectations, and more to negotiate about. The “…but mistress x let me do this…” factor would rise significantly. Another difference might be pressure to compete in the marketplace against more sexual providers. Would we lose experienced and expert mistresses who couldn’t remain commercially viable at limits they were comfortable with?

It might also affect the intake of new pro-dommes. I think the current barrier to entry to the profession is lowered by the fact a domme remains clothed and sexual activity is not an option. Arguably this attracts too many women without a kinky bone in their body who see it as an easy way to make good money (see this article for example). I think that’s a very misguided approach, as being a good pro-domme requires immense skills and talent (as I’ve said in the past). However, I wonder how many pro-dommes got involved because traditional sexual activity wasn’t required, and then discovered a kinky dominant side that they enjoyed exploring. How many potentially great dommes would be lost in a more sexual market space?

My final point is a kind of obscure one, and a little bit of a personal one. At present I suspect that there is a hidden subsidy that flows from one group of pro-domme clients to another. Today a guy into body worship, verbal humiliation and tease and denial may well visit the same pro-domme as a guy into heavy leather bondage and electrical play. The latter requires expensive equipment while the former requires very little. So those clients into the lighter side of kink are helping to subsidize the guys who enjoy all the custom furniture and expensive toys many pro-dommes own. If the market was more finely segmented that subsidy might vanish. Maybe a kink savvy escort would be a better fit for the body worshiping verbal humiliation guy? As someone who indulges in a pretty broad spectrum of play, but definitely enjoys all the toys and tools of a well equipped pro-domme, that change wouldn’t be a welcome one. It’d potentially reduce the number of pro-dommes with well equipped playrooms.

Of course at the end of the day, all this is idle speculation. As far as the US is concerned, there’s little chance of having a sensible political conversation about legalizing sex work. The political system is far too screwed up for that to happen. As someone who tends to the socially liberal point of view, I think that’s a shame. Despite my speculation on possible downsides in some areas, I think when considering the bigger picture then legalization would be without doubt the right thing to do.

Picking a picture for this post was hard. The future repercussions of sex work legislation doesn’t lend itself to kinky photo fun. In my last post I mentioned Mistress Matisse, and given her varied career in sex work I thought she might be a good candidate for an image. She’s worked as a dominatrix (obviously), as a stripper (described here), as a peep show dancer (at Seattle’s now defunct Lusty Lady) and as an escort (memorably captured in her essay ‘The Whore on Christmas‘). Here’s a nice shot of her about to paddle the hell out of some lucky guy’s ass.

Mistress Matisse swinging a paddle

Author: paltego

See the 'about' page if you really want to know about me.

4 thoughts on “Kink, sex and money (concluded)”

  1. Hi Paltego:

    First let me say; great mini series! 🙂 I found it extremely interesting to read and very thought provoking!

    As I stated in my reply to part one I am both a libertine and a libertarian on this topic. I don’t think the law should dictate what we do in our sex lives in any way shape or form as long as we don’t hurt anyone else non-consensually. I am very clear on this in my own mind and I feel very strongly about it. Although I am moderately liberal in my approach to most topics (which makes me a radical communist in the minds of most Republicans these days) I believe that all legal restraints should be removed from the sex industry and the forces of the marketplace should be allowed to sort things out and find their own level.

    It is very interesting to me how many great prodommes started out in another aspect of the sex industry. They understand that pro domination really is about sex even if their own websites state clearly that no sexual favors are on offer. Defining “sex” strictly in vanilla terms is very limiting of course. Being kinky I have discovered that I can have a profound sexual experience that has very little to do with my cock and everything to do with my brain. I am sure you have had the same sorts of experiences.

    I think you are right that a different sort of woman is drawn to professional domination than to traditional sex work these days. The new batch of prosommes appear to be highly intelligent and independent young women who know there own minds. The fact that they are not required to be naked or perform traditional sexual favors is no doubt a big selling point for pro domination over other types of sex work for them. And that’s fine. Many other people have stated the obvious however which is that if they are not innately kinky, if they don’t “get” BDSM on some level they will not last very long in the industry. At the end of the day pro domination is a difficult, gritty profession, especially over the long haul. I don’t think the grad students looking for “easy money” are a good fit for the industry in the long run. Not for their clients or even for themselves.

    Finally I agree that this is all very theoretical. Americans are hopelessly confused and conflicted about sex and our legal system (along with every other aspect of our political system) is desperately in need of an overhaul. I mean Newt just won South Carolina! There you have a guy who cheated on several wives (at least two) and divorced one on her death bed to run off with an intern. He was overwhelmingly supported by a bunch of socially conservative Evangelical Christians who believe that abortion, contraception and pre-marital sex should be illegal! I know I know. Anything but the black guy! 😉

    But I digress. Let’s just say I don’t think the laws that pertain to the sex industry are going to get straightened out anytime in the near future! 😉

    1. Hi hmp,

      Glad you enjoyed it. Took me way longer to write than I thought. Was supposed to be a single post and turned in a minor epic.

      I’m with you with in being a libertarian on this topic. Although I deliberately shied away from that word in the post, as it’s become a bit of a loaded term. I’m a fan of the traditional definition of liberal. In this case I just thought it was interesting to think what some of the unintended side effects might be of changing the law. Doesn’t mean we shouldn’t change it of course.

      For me it’s really not about conventional sex, or specific sexual activity, but how everything integrates into the session without arbitrary boundaries. The cock is just another sensory organ, albeit a pretty important one! As you said in another reply, it’s about the domme deciding what she wants to do.

      I’m always amazed at the energy and passion a good pro-domme can bring to a session. I can’t imagine you could do that every day without having some underlying interest in BDSM.

      I’m going to try and avoid commenting on the politics. I’ll just say that I do wish Newt all the best and hope he wins the nomination :).

      -paltego

  2. I found your comment on mildly-kinky clients subsidizing more heavily-kinky clients to be very insightful. There was an interesting discussion on Max Fisch where one of the dommes asked the men of the site whether they would accept a session in a domme’s living room instead of an expensive playspace, using pervertables instead of expensive equipment, with the domme in street clothes instead of decked in expensive leather or latex fetishwear, and have a discount for such a session. The result was a lot of clients saying that they would go for that, but the domme remained unconvinced.

    I’m not sure how I feel about this, personally. I think part of the treat of a pro-domme is to really go over the top. But at the same time, I don’t really have a leather or latex fetish, and I’ve seen plenty of sexy street clothes. There are plenty of clamps at OfficeMax that can do the job just fine. So maybe something like that could work.

    One prediction: as kink becomes more mainstream (as you point out, kink.com mixes traditional sex and kinky, and mainstream porn has more and more BDSM content), I think we’ll see more escorts with decent enough domme skills. Because, and I may catch some flak for saying this, but it’s not like learning some domme skills is all that hard!

    And I say this from personal experience. I’ve recently discovered that I’m actually a switch, and have thus been unexpectedly working on my own dom skills. It. is. not. rocket. science. Really, it’s not. Any reasonably-motivated individual could learn a few basic rope ties, basic flogging and paddling technique, and how to get through a simple 1-hr scene. That would be plenty good enough for the type of “sensual kinky” client that is subsidizing the heavy kinky client. And I could teach that in a few hours, easy.

    On the other hand, would you trust some random hooker to tie you up securely? Personally, I’d be more worried about getting robbed than whether or not she accidentally paddled my kidneys. So that brings us back to the question of how can a kinky escort develop her reputation. I don’t think we’ve answered that yet, but I wouldn’t be surprised it it materialized as kink becomes more mainstream.

    1. I’m a little surprised the domme was skeptical about the kind of discount session you described. It sounds like a good idea. Like you I enjoy a full-on equipment packed playspace and an over the top session. But sometimes it’s fun just to do a more simple session, focusing just on what the domme can do with her hands and few cheap toys. There’s a nice purity to it. I actually think it’s kind of hot to play in street clothes. It makes it seem more about her doing what she wants and enjoying herself rather than getting dressed up to please the client.

      I’ve only ever made a clothing request once in any session, and that was for a plain white blouse and simply long black skirt. It was very hot to forget the leather and latex and have her dressed in such a minimal fashion.

      I’m not sure the cross-over in porn is necessarily going to translate quickly into the escort domain. Porn changed because there was a change in the law. Or a perceived change in the law anyway. That hasn’t happened outside of porn. There’s still that segregation between the communities. Maybe the prevalence of kink in porn and it’s easy accessibility on the internet will create more of a demand for kinky sex, but it’s not obvious to me that’ll happen.

      I don’t disagree that some basic topping technical skills can be fairly easily learnt by a motivated individual. I’m just not sure the demand will be there for escorts to do it without the ability to cross-market to the current pro-domme clients. Of course conversely the pro-dommes can choose to market themselves on the escort sites and directories, so it does work in the other direction.

      As for getting robbed by escorts and building trust, I guess it works the same way as it does for pro-dommes. i.e. Take a look at the review boards and see what people are saying.

      -paltego

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