Communication Skills

Being a good submissive masochist is a lot harder than I ever thought it would be. Back in the days when it was all still fantasy I assumed you just did what you were told and cried uncle (or pineapple or your safeword of choice) if it hurt too much. The reality turns out to be a little trickier than that.

One of the skills I’ve slowly acquired over the last few years is figuring out when to step outside a scene to communicate additional information. When I started this always felt like a very bad thing to do. The perfect submissive shouldn’t suffer from cramps, or pinching ropes, or panic attacks. It was a sign of weakness or failure if I did. Fortunately I’ve since learnt and been taught (by some great dommes) that this is a fairly naive point of view. The goal is intentional controlled pain. Not random stuff that the domme doesn’t even know about. To remain focused and to get into the right headspace requires good communication, allowing the domme to remove unintended distractions. A few minutes to adjust a rope or flex a limb can make the world of difference to the overall success of a scene.

Ironically one of things I’ve never needed to do is to stop a scene because it hurt too much. This certainly isn’t due to any great fortitude on my part. Instead it’s a tribute to the skill and judgement of the dommes I’ve played with. The closest I ever got to it was when paying with clover clamps, like the one in the image below. In that case Lady Lydia had dabbed a decent amount of icy/hot onto both clamps before applying them and then tying them off taut. The combination of the chemicals and the clamps was intense, and there was a short period where it almost seemed too much. Fortunately I was so surprised at the idea of actually having to say something that it distracted me long enough for the pain to become manageable. In hindsight it was a little like learning to fly HHGTTG style. I was so surprised at how much it hurt I forgot to actually be hurt. A neat trick when you can pull it off.

Clover ClampI found this image on the Superior Femme tumblr site.

Author: paltego

See the 'about' page if you really want to know about me.

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